How to find AS women?

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Thanks for the advice everyone. Interesting stuff.

I still don't get this friendzone nonsense...I want to be her friend. Being her friend is my primary concern as far as she is concerned. If a relationship develops, great. If it doesn't then that doesn't matter in the slightest because I'll have made a new friend. I'm not interested in becoming her friend so that I can go out with her. I'm interested in becoming her friend so that I can be her friend.

I think we are quite different from NT women, yes. I am, anyway. From what I've seen on this forum, I don't think my temperament is representative of Aspie women, though, so you may be right--maybe everything I have to say is irrelevant. But, as I can only speak for myself, I will continue to address the topic in that fashion.

How am I different from NT women? I am far less prone to over-emotionalism and misunderstandings based on emotional reactions. I do not need to be coddled like most women do (regular affirmations of how beautiful I am, for example). I am not prone to gossip or drama. I do not talk nearly as much as they do, and when in a conversation, I am not simply waiting my turn to speak. I do not play "games" with relationships. I do not expect men to psychically know what I want/how I feel/etc. I will never try to make a man watch a chick flick. I could go on and on, but will restrain myself. I don't mean to say that any of the above describes all NT women, only that it describes a majority of them in comparison to myself. I have been told that I am remarkably "low-maintenance" and easy to get along with in comparison to other women.


Why? I don't see any reason it should be more difficult to find a common interest with an Aspie woman than an NT woman. In fact, I'd think it would be easier in a lot of cases, since Aspie women tend to have more stereotypically masculine interests, such as science or gaming, and are less likely to be interested in stereotypically feminine things such as fashion. As for getting to know us, I think it is easier to get to know my personality than it is most people's because I am very much myself and never some idealized version of me (I hear most people do this on dates in order to make themselves seem more likable). However, personal details will take you longer to get from me, yes.


Talking with someone and making a connection with them are not synonymous. I find I am better able to relate to Aspie men than NT men (or NT women) because we tend to have similar ways of perceiving the world, similar life experiences, similar interests, etc.


Some Aspie girls think so as well. We can be capable of being nurturing and helping people through difficult moments, too--this is not solely NT territory. In some cases, we may be better suited to helping you with problems if they are ones we have faced as well. Of course, I'm sure there are also difficulties which NTs might be better able to help with. The difference is that the Aspie is more likely to understand your quirks (as opposed to simply knowing about them) and is probably less likely to think that they are in need of "fixing."

Ah, how I carry on. Apologies. I tried to be concise.

As an AS woman who's had her heart broken by another AS person, if you're going to date an AS woman understand that at least some of us need reasons why you're ending it spelled out for us or it's HORRIBLE for us. I can't stop obsessing and I can't let go because I don't fully understand what happened, and he won't talk to me. If I could only understand better I think I could at least come to terms with it and move on, which I desperately want to do. I still wouldn't be happy about not having any discussion or input and having the breakup be SO unilateral, but at least I could understand the reasons and deal with them. I do have some idea as to the reasons, but I have so many questions unanswered and they really do eat at me.

So, if you do get into a relationship with an AS woman, and it doesn't work out for whatever reason, please be kind enough to spell out your reasoning and answer her questions in detail. She will hurt much less and be able to move on much more easily

~Kate

Why? I don't see any reason it should be more difficult to find a common interest with an Aspie woman than an NT woman. In fact, I'd think it would be easier in a lot of cases, since Aspie women tend to have more stereotypically masculine interests, such as science or gaming, and are less likely to be interested in stereotypically feminine things such as fashion.
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I think he is reffering to the fact that nts usually seem to be more approachable/open to meeting random strangers than aspies so he would proably have more luck getting to know a nt woman than an aspie one.

Whenever Im introduced to someone I barely know I try to restrain myself from talking unless its neccesary and give answers that are as short as possible when asked. This is done to avoid saying anything too weird the first few times I see them. A few weeks ago for example I was introduced to 2 female class mates and even though we hang around same people we barely talked for the first week. Right now I have started to open up to one of them, she seems nice/too nice and every now and then we start talking. I still have my problems every now and then but whenever I do something that isnt what I should do she takes it as some kind of joke(most nt woman would run away from me if I started talking to them the first day).


What you mention(videogames interest etc) could be helpfull for spotting an aspie female but most of the times its hard to tell what a girl is interested in unless you meet at something related to the interest in common.

Video game arcade, notice all the young (alone) women you find in these places , I've just come out of one just now and I was seriously thrashed at Tekken 6 by a young and rather attractive girl ,


I was kind of turned on actually......

i agree about the spectrum thing. and it may be worth considering, Harpist, that maybe you were more comfortable with the AS woman because you could pull down the barriers a little bit and be accepting of yourself. it is worth cultivating that same comfort around NT women too, both for your own well-being and because AS women are not very common (as 3 other people said).

i that attitude.

Sorry, I don't find typical aspie interests such as video games or anime sexy.

yeah women do for a reason

mmmhmmm because it is sexyyyyyyyy. when i was young and single, a guy who was friends with me for the sake of being friends was the guy i turned to when i broke up with some other guy... cuz he was there for me, and that was HOT.

I don't think I could date one who was sedentary.

...says the man who presumably posted this from in front of the faint glow of a computer screen. Using a computer != sedentary. Leaps of logic for the lose.

Most of us probably are sedentary anyway.

Just because a girl's an Aspie, doesn't mean a relationship with her will work out, and just because a girl's an NT, doesn't mean a relationship with her won't work out.

Everyone is different. Base your judgement on the person, not if they have the same condition as you or not.

One of the greates comments I have ever seen on this site.


Anyways, I've never met an aspie girl. I've met a girl on the spectrum, but not an aspie girl. I'd settle for an intelligent NT girl if I had to. They're not so bad.

I am referring to those who only have activities that involve a computer-ish device. I could date one who did like those things, but I would like one who likes to travel, and do some outdoor activities as well.