Who REALLY deserves more pity?

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First of all, in my opinion, pity isn't worth much. It is uncomfortably close to contempt, a feeling that some other, poor lowly little worm doesn't have it as well as you do. If I am suffering, I would prefer sympathy and - from those who are able to offer it - whatever real help may be possible.

As for the rest, loneliness is a form of suffering, and I have some sympathy for most of those who suffer (I do make a few exceptions - I don't bother weeping over Hitler's miserable last days cowering in his bunker; I figure he brought that all down on his own head). However, I don't think we can really compare one form of suffering with another. Rape, beatings, cancer, loneliness - every one of those things is a little different for each person who goes through them. Unless you've experienced all of them, you can't really be sure which you'd find the most awful. I've been beaten and been lonely, but that's all. But I haven't been beaten as badly as many other people have, so my experience of that isn't as bad as theirs. Trying to compare suffering gets pointless, fast.

As far as saying that these things are someone's choice, I think some are and some aren't. Rape certainly isn't anything women (or men who are raped) choose. Beatings aren't usually either, unless you go out looking for tough guys to insult because you like getting into fights. Most people don't choose cancer, although I have known people who have said they'd rather risk cancer than stop smoking. As for being cheated on, it depends. I've know people who did tend to choose partners who were likely to cheat on them, and others who got hurt despite doing their best to avoid picking a jerk. Losing your house? Same thing. Some people get in trouble because they make stupid decisions, while others really do their best and nothing goes right for them.

To sum up, what I'm really trying to say is that you are both oversimplifying the whole problem of suffering, and blaming people who in many cases don't deserve to be blamed. Loneliness can be at least in part the result of choices that person has made, as much as anything else. Are people always lonely because they made bad choices and brought it on themselves? Of course not. Again, it is complicated. I neither think it is possible, nor would I want, to judge which suffering person was more "deserving". You do your best to be kind to and help those around you. And the last thing you should ever do is pick on the victims.

As far as your desire for a sex life, I understand it is difficult to see others succeed where you haven't. In one particular case, I'd even agree with you - it is an outrage that the kind of guy who goes around beating up women has any sex life at all, while any other guys at all don't. Double ditto for the rapists. They deserve the sex they steal far less than any guy who isn't willing to become a rapist. But their victims can't help that. Once a woman falls into the hands of a guy who beats her, she is often - I'd even say nearly always - too terrified to refuse him. How is that her fault? If you resent those guys for getting what you aren't, when they so clearly don't deserve it, I heartily agree with you. But please, don't shift the blame onto their victims.

I noticed that on a lot of talk shows or popular magazines there are often many "sob stories" (no offense but most seem to be from women) of people who have all sorts of problems. These are things like "so and so cheated on me", "I was beaten", "I was raped", "my kid has cancer", "we almost lost our home", etc. Yet when you think about it, these are people who got involved in love lives and created families in the first place (which I will always beleive a lot of is through CHOICE). So my question is this: who truly deserves more pity? A person who has a problem as a result of having a sex life or a socially-challenged individual who has no sex life (and may or may not have other problems)? It always seems to me that this world caters to couples/families while loners like me often get overlooked. I don't know if it's because NTs think we're capable of anything on our own or they are afraid of us or think we're weird but pity and aid seem skewed to the more socially adept. Now I have many reason for being a loner but I AM lonely and get jealous of others that have social and sex lives. And yes pity sex or whatever would be awkward but I just wish people would look to the painful plight of the lonely for once. Am I wrong to think like this?

how much rape or abuse have you suffered?

I fail to see how the fact these people "have a sex life" makes it any less awful dealing with cancer, rape and losing their house.

You have a warped opinion because you feel sorry for yourself that you aren't getting laid.

That is not the question here. The question here is about what help is available to/for the chronically lonely.

That is not the question here. The question here is about what help is available to/for the chronically lonely.

... if you think Rape isn't worse than being lonely ...

I have never said it is not, but again: That is not the question here!

The question here is this: What help is available for the lonely?

There are TV shows and/or whatever else for just about everything else, but the lonely are expected to take care of that all by themselves.

Why is that, and how are they supposed to do so?

I have never said it is not, but again: That is not the question here!

The question here is this: What help is available for the lonely?

There are TV shows and/or whatever else for just about everything else, but the lonely are expected to take care of that all by themselves.

Why is that, and how are they supposed to do so?

I have never said it is not

Rubbish.

There are lots of people out there. LOTS of support groups for the lonely!

Since you are aware of that and I am not, and if you know where to find them, please try to offer the OP some encouraging suggestions or advice.

Since you are aware of that and I am not, and if you know where to find them, please try to offer the OP some encouraging suggestions or advice.