is this guy a pedophile/loser?

Post Reply New Topic

This is by no means uncommon behaviour for guys who have maybe been knocked about, ostracised, excluded etc. from what their peer group would normally be i.e. males his own age. It might be that's simply where he's found acceptance, among a slightly different age and sex group If anything, it doesn't sound healthy that you are trying to make assumptions about him rather than interacting with and talking to him on his own merits, especially when you are trying to place this sort of label on him.

the OP didn't assume anything. she got a weird vibe from the guy and asked us for our opinion.

I didn't mean the paedophile part, since she did say he probably wasn't one. I mean the labelling of him as a creep.

This. Enough of reinforcing each others' prejudices.

no, honestly... women and girls need to stay safe (and men and boys too, but it's less of a problem).

if someone gets a bad vibe from a guy, i'd say they should follow their instinct, even if they end up wrong. yes, it can be hard on the man who is excluded from a girl's social circle, but a girl should have the right and the wherewithal to act a certain way based on her bad vibes. the OP isn't talking about slandering some guy with her feelings, or hanging a sign around his neck - she is talking about keeping herself safe on Facebook.

up to 1/3 of women are sexually abused or raped at some point in their lives, and i think part of the problem is that they are not conditioned to stay safe by following their feelings and instincts.

Well, they're NOT making themselves ANY safer! Instead, they are making rods for their own backs.

i don't get what you are saying here.

Yeah, its not like hes hanging out at a children's playground with his hand in his pocket talking to 10-12 year olds. Now that would be a pedophile.

What I'm saying is that shunning males who show even the slightest idiosyncrasies or eccentricities is not making them any less likely to be subjected to acts of violence. All these rapes etc are happening despite women avoiding "creepy" types, right?

no. in most rapes and sexual abuse situations the offender is well known to the victim. if she were acquainted with him, then he would not have been shut out. hence why it is a good reason for women to be more cautious, not less cautious. there is a huge body of research in this area, so you can try to blame it on male rejection but that excuse does not stick.

are you in therapy? because i am sensing (from this post and from other posts as well) that you harbour a great deal of bitterness. instead of having that boil under the surface while you try to get the world to change, perhaps some internal changes may be more effective.

Right. Well, that suggests they're making the wrong decisions about who they give a chance, doesn't it? Lie down with dogs, and you get fleas.


With the way I've been treated all through my adult life, what do you expect? And it's too late now. There's no way of becoming 18 or so again, or yes I'd do a lot of things very differently to how I had (especially escaping the narrow-minded hellhole I've been in for way too long). What's some therapist going to do now, huh? It's all over, red rover!

i don't think most women choose to "lie down with" or "give a chance to" their rapists. but you are exactly proving my point... women need to listen to their instincts and shut out men who seem creepy to them.

a therapist could do a great deal for you, or even commit you if you are a danger to yourself or others.

How could a therapist undo what has been done? That is not a rhetorical question. If somehow life can be as fulfilling and enjoyable as it would've been, if I hadn't stayed in an environment that crushed me bit by bit when I was young, good-o! It's just that everything's so complicated when you're older. And you go downhill physically to some extent (although that varies from one individual to another). For instance, I have an ectopic heartbeat that wasn't there a few years ago, and ingrown hairs. Would've been good to have been able to enjoy friendships, inclusion, financial stability and sexual relationships when I didn't have those defects, and was capable of optimism and even romantic feelings. What a waste.

you would never know unless you went. therapy helps many millions of people, why do you think you are different? (that IS a rhetorical question). it is only you who is really suffering in your own head, and you can choose to walk on a path of healing... or not. but there is no sense in making inflammatory statements about women - that will not help you, nor will it help anyone else on this forum.

I wasn't talking about all women. But I have to go by what I have experienced over the too-numerous years, in the mindless, stultifying overgrown country town I failed to escape in the prime of life. And it should be no surprise that I am wary of most young females (NOT all), because of how ALL the ones I've have known have treated me. So it's natural to think Why would the next one be any different? Despite that, I went through a phase from 2002 to 2006, when I hoped that an attractive lady would be drawn to my not being like most guys, and that it would be an enjoyable experience that compensated adequately for the wasted years before then, but... it didn't work out that way. I didn't face up to the fact that I was still an uneducated loser who failed at high school, and was stuck in some dead-end job that doesn't pay a living wage. Didn't want to face up to the fact that males are not allowed to be different, but have to be "one of the boys" or else - unless possibly getting a free pass through having enough earning power to compensate for that. Dating is a market, like everything else, regardless of what idealistic horse-plop remained in my head.

It is a market. It's a meat market, thats why so many people call it that. People will go with the best deal they can get, whether that be a great personality, some "hot partner" whatever. Everyone wants different stuff in their meat.