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Janissy
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30 Nov 2010, 8:42 am

Grisha wrote:

...So I tell her to just leave, ....

This is where everything went wrong. Saying this to her was petulant, given that she had already waited half an hour. It effectively destroyed any chance of rescheduling. I sure wouldn't reschedule with any man who cancelled the date entirely after I had waited half an hour.

If you had not told her to leave, the shortened date could have been salvaged with an anecdote about the incident that caused the 45 minute delay. You would have to say something in order to show that being 45 minutes late is not the norm.

Grisha
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30 Nov 2010, 8:56 am

Janissy wrote:

Grisha wrote:

...So I tell her to just leave, ....

I think you misunderstood a little, she said she needed to leave at 5 and at that point it was 4:50 - and I estimated that I would be stuck in that traffic clusterf*ck for at least 10 minutes more and I hated the thought of having her wait any longer over my screw-up.

Also, I have said this before but I do NOT play games with punctuality, I am there on time or 10-15 minutes early. In this case I had allowed 30 extra minutes for traffic, I should have allowed 90 minutes.

AndreaLuna
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30 Nov 2010, 9:54 am

If this was the first date I would not be so surprised that she scheduled only one hour for coffee. When you meet somebody new you have no idea how this person will be like and if you will click or not so it is perfectly normal to schedule a short date over coffee. If things go well the second date can be longer. I HOPE that you rescheduled right away with her on the phone when you told her to just leave since you would not be able to make it anyway. Traffic can happen, unforeseen circumstances can happen but she will know that you are really interested if you ask her out again on the spot and promise her that you will be there next time. If you just let it go, she probably thinks you are not so interested and she may say no if you ask her out again.

CaroleTucson
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30 Nov 2010, 10:10 am

Grisha wrote:

I keep going back for more though

Well, we all do. What's the alternative?

Hopefully, you get better over time at choosing people to date, but you can't know everything before the fact. How was I to know the guy who seemed so nice would turn into a maniac behind the wheel? How could I have known the guy who seemed so sweet would be so obsessive-compulsive about women? Etc, etc.

The only time this is bad is if you keep making the same mistakes over and over.

Grisha
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30 Nov 2010, 10:24 am

Quote:

The only time this is bad is if you keep making the same mistakes over and over.

True, I don't often make the same mistake twice, but I seem to have a perfect genius for finding an endless supply of new ones to make...

CaroleTucson
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30 Nov 2010, 10:54 am

Grisha wrote:

I seem to have a perfect genius for finding an endless supply of new ones to make...

LOL ... that's funny, even if you didn't intend it to be.

But anyway, I wouldn't consider your incident with the traffic to be a "mistake" necessarily. Just something that happened. So it goes.

GrimmRomance
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30 Nov 2010, 10:54 am

AndreaLuna wrote:

This. (: I don't think she scheduled so little time due to lack of interest. A date with someone, one's never met in real life can frightening, and having other plans might have worked as a security net. It would give her a legitimate reason to leave, if things didn't go as planned. But the fact that she met on time shows, that she really was (might still be) interested in you. :}

You've just been really unfortunate, it wasn't anybody's fault. She might have felt hurt and humiliated by the long wait, but if you like this girl, you shouldn't give up just yet. n_n

Grisha
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30 Nov 2010, 11:21 am

CaroleTucson wrote:

Grisha wrote:

I seem to have a perfect genius for finding an endless supply of new ones to make...

LOL ... that's funny, even if you didn't intend it to be.

But anyway, I wouldn't consider your incident with the traffic to be a "mistake" necessarily. Just something that happened. So it goes.

There's a very thin line between tragedy and comedy, I try to stay on the comic side...

Grisha
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30 Nov 2010, 11:25 am

GrimmRomance wrote:

AndreaLuna wrote:

I've already contacted her to assure her that it was an accident and I want to re-schedule. I hope she does, it's pretty rare for me to be attracted to someone on so many different levels, much less being able to get a date with one...

Dilbert
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30 Nov 2010, 2:11 pm

"I am so sorry but I'm stuck in traffic at so-and-so and it looks like I'm running late. I left home early to make sure I got there on time. I didn't want anything to get in the way of seeing you %name%! The traffic is at a standstill! I'm really sorry. You can't wait? No worries. Let's reschedule then. Awesome! I'm looking forward to it! I'll make it up to you. I promise."

And you would have had another date by the end of the week.

This was not a big deal. Stuff happens. Your goal should have been to make sure she understood that you really COULDN'T make it, as opposed to DIDN'T WANT TO make it to the date. She probably feels like a guy stood her up. And that feeling sucks.

Grisha
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30 Nov 2010, 4:20 pm

Dilbert wrote:

Update: she just called and we had a nice conversation. She understands that it was a mistake and we've agreed to try it again after she gets back from an out-of-town trip.

She seems very nice and I kind of feel that she might even like me a little bit...

Chronos
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30 Nov 2010, 4:42 pm

Grisha wrote:

Thanks everyone for the feedback (I'll just ignore the LA bashing)

I can only speculate as to her motives, but I still think that she should have told me that she only had one hour to meet, otherwise I would have rescheduled for a time when she was less busy.

I knew that traffic would be bad, and I left plenty of time for this. I could not have reasonably anticipated the car fire though.

It just seems like I've had an unusual extended streak of bad luck (this is not the only dating disaster I've had this week). I would settle for just one boring date that didn't involve some sort of petty humiliation or insult - is that too much to ask?

There is bashing, and then there is truth.

hale_bopp
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