Keeno wrote:
Some Aspies, particularly those who are more shy and therefore more shy at initiating relationships, experience social humiliation and trauma because of it. As a consequence of having little in the way of a relationship history, as they get well past the age at which most people achieve milestones such as losing their virginity, marrying etc. some can be subjected to social trauma at the hands of people. Common scenarios being as follows: Getting accused of being a pedophile, or something else creepy. Getting badgered, humiliated or ridiculed by family members or other people about not having a partner or marrying. Getting pegged as being gay, with people maybe doing things like jokingly sexually harassing or inappropriately touching them, for example. Some Aspies, then, experience serious humiliation or even trauma because of being chronically single.
Can such humiliation and trauma, if it gets too much of an emotional burden, in very many cases start to outweigh their shyness and how much they'd perhaps be emotionally affected by approaching females and oftentimes being rejected? I know this question pertains more to the males, on whom society places the onus to approach and initiate a relationship. But due to emotional trauma, do many people in this situation come to a point where it turns around and it's better just to approach females, which can be emotionally burdensome but not as emotionally burdensome as the social trauma from being involuntarily celibate? I'm as shy (at least at starting relationships) as they come but feel I'm coming to that point some time soon. I wondered if this scenario is true for any other shy Aspies, and have you started to just approach, even if it's with cold approaches, for these reasons, and maybe overcome of your shyness to some degree because of it?
yes as i have had no serious long term relationships in my 20's, the questions/accusations/and ridicule have increased over the years. and i imagine this will continue until im engaged/married/or living with someone. it does suck and it does scare me to think that as i want to fulfill all the roles/goals in a romantic relationship and im not meeting the "one" as quickly or easily as most people my age, i definitely feel behind and depressed about it. as far as the involuntarily celibate stigma, i dont give a s**t what people think of that. its my own personal decision and goal to want to share that with someone who i truely love and care about. i am getting to the point of where i can be fairly comfortable with innocent flirting/chatting with random strangers but its not like i actively do it or look to do it. i have my fantasy optimism about the whole relationship thing, but i also got to be realistic and honest with myself about it too.
16 Dec 2010, 11:33 am
