If being in a relationship too much for most aspies?

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WintersTale
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29 Dec 2010, 12:13 pm

I sometimes feel like I'm not suited for a relationship. Doesn't mean I don't desire one, though.


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biostructure
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29 Dec 2010, 4:41 pm

ksuther09 wrote:
If the drama is getting in the way of your research, your research should DEFINITELY WIN! <-- that said from another former grad student :D


That is much easier said than done, when you are rather depressed about your lack of sexual and dating experience even without the problems that arise in research.

But this also may be an indication that I really am better off not trying to become at all involved with female graduate students, but rather with undergraduates or people who have absolutely no connection to academia. I do feel that other graduate students are really hard to relate to, because the way they emotionally structure their lives is quite different from me.

Right now, I can see three types of "relationships" working out:

1. A purely sexual relationship, where both partners make their best effort to keep their emotional and other psychological issues away from their sex lives.
2. A relationship where both me and my partner play on the level of kids (aside from sex being involved), despite being adults. In this way, there are emotions involved, but they are of minimal seriousness and give us room to grow and change.
3. A relationship where the woman is very nurturing and maternal, and supports me emotionally in exchange for me entertaining her intellectually.

The second and possibly first would likely require that I find a woman who, like me, has her intellectual age exceeding her emotional age by a decade or so. Their benefit would be a strong sense of friendship and the fact that neither partner would likely wear him/herself out.

The third would require a woman who is looking for this kind of relationship, and would probably be the most helpful for me emotionally, but the worst in terms of potential for going wrong, and possibly lacking in the playfulness of the other two.



Nambo
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06 Jan 2011, 5:10 pm

Even dating is hard work, I used to be able to manage going out with somebody for maybe two weeks, what a relief when I would finish with her.
if only my heart and my hormones would remember this though, as I never stop wishing I was in a relationship, until Iam actually in one.

About the only ones I could cope with, was back in my 20s, I had two girls who would contact me purely for sex.

Not at all fullfilling mind you, Its being bonded to someone emotionally I allways craved, but couldnt do.



TenFaces
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06 Jan 2011, 8:26 pm

For the purposes of long term relationship and marriage. The best women are one's raised in a strict, religious, conservative household. They place duty above their personal feelings. They would be best fr family and children. I am not saying that they have to be submissive. There are times that they may see a problem or find a solution that you miss. The problem arises when they want you to do a "dance" around their indefinable emotional needs. There are some women out there who simply accept that men are not meant to spend time deciphering vague emotional issues. They would care only that you are hard working and not a bum.
A relationship based purely on sex is great, at first. However, promiscuous women tend to have deep emotional problems. A family cannot be based on a sex only relationship. A maternal woman is usually looking for a "man child". If you are serious the maternal woman will get bored.
Those of us who have AS or may have AS may find the overly complex emotionalism annoying. Don't feel left out, most NT marriages end in divorce.



Volodja
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06 Jan 2011, 8:29 pm

TenFaces wrote:
For the purposes of long term relationship and marriage. The best women are one's raised in a strict, religious, conservative household.


Woah. Definitely not for me :lol:

Edit: actually I'm thinking the women THEMSELVES are strict,religious and conservative. Obviously many women raised in that type of family grow up to be very different. That would be fine with me.