Take on why males have more trouble.. in general

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I don't wanna have all those buttons.

When I am around my boyfriend, things are simple. I feel better just being around him...We can both be in the same room mutually focused on our own separate interests and I am happy as a clam....I don't wanna be "high maintenance"...He drives, so I often pay for dinner...I try not to impose upon him or make him feel obligated to do stuff...etc.
I do have the problem that when I become involved with someone, I can become very fixated on them...I am afraid to get mad...or have expectations....and then when I get upset, I internalize my feelings and try to rationalize them away...I am too clingy sometimes...that is MY problem...it should not have to inconvenience him...and it is MY fault if I get sad if he does not write to me that often..or as often as I write to him when I only see him every few days or so... he is lucky he has special interests that are so all-consuming that he does not have to be as needy as I may often be. I often admire people for posessing traits that I lack...I really need to find a way to become more fixated on things that might separate me from my oxytocin addiction..I was set up for it in a way..cause despite my AS traits, I a. was objectified a bit as a kid...b. wound up in my first relationship at an early age, and c. have seldom spent any time totally single..since I was 15...

So..my point is..that...ok...I forget what my point is....despite all this, I am unlikely to ever marry...let alone start a family or any of that stuff..I internalize my emotions...am afraid to make demands, and I beat myself up alot....

I envy guys...and I envy people who don't really need other people. I don't need a lot of people..I just tend to get too focused on whoever I am involved with...and what's more, I have been in a pattern of dating ASish types..I like him a lots...but yeah..he is stoic...hard to read..heavily wired into his interests...etc...but that is all part of the package I signed up for...I have to remind myself that I am too needy and thought loopy...I have the problems...not him...

that officially makes me a woman because I am about as straightforward as a cycling proficiency course for goldfish

I'd rephrase it, to make matters worse - this is what culture says we're *allowed* to be. I will say as well, if dials are substance, women with lots and lots of dials don't do well either - typically the lighter, fluffier, and more absent minded the better their odds of being hotly pursued.

My take on why men can easily be in a worse situation, part of it is that we're less wired for socialization - its something we did more like football plays: the bison is over there, you cut around and flank it, I'll get its attention and get him running in your direction...etc. etc..

Another reason - we still have strong social moors toward macho. Macho, unfortunately, is often the complete opposite of having good verbal intimacy skills. So, you get pounded on one side for not knowing your emotions and the other for being weak or not manly enough. The funny thing then, guys who just look more china-doll like get beat on even more about their masculinity than other guys, the downside - women will take macho guys who in all visual appearance look like macho guys, if you look like Toby McGuire and have macho behavior, unless you're an absolute raving/belligerent frat boy it seems like they simply will not accept what they're seeing as legitimate. If a guy happens to be both or out of line at the core with who he 'looks' like he should be, he's kind of screwed.

Who are the guys I've known who take the absolute longest time to find someone? They aren't the ultra-macho types, they also aren't the Clay Aikens types who just happen to be straight, its the guys in between - especially who are more on the quiet side. I can think of several guys like this who were far from being nerds. With AS confidence comes into play - by definition - when you can say something that seems completely socially appropriate but you don't know the many many biases of what's arbitrarily cool or uncool with the people you're with so you could just as easily gain more approval with a comment or something you do as you can cause the room to go dead silent for a good ten seconds. Because of that its extremely difficult, and its true for the ladies as well, for someone to just respect themselves or have confidence because some feel-good thinker tells them that they should or that there's nothing wrong with them but rather society; it sounds great but its completely out of line with known reality and anyone with a subconscious mind knows that when you try to swallow something like that without proof or something to work with it simply doesn't stick. That's not to say that confidence can't be gained but, even when it is it then has to be achievement based - helps you perhaps give off a better energy as you walk around and chat but, still won't necessarily seal gaping holes in your commonality of life experience or common personality with many or even most other people who pass your way.

I see it differently. Sure, women are complicated, and would be difficult for many men to understand, especially AS men.

On the other hand, if you press the wrong button on a man, they shut down, wont talk for days, announce a need for "space", behave in odd hot/cold alternating ways- affectionate one day and ignore you the next, and worse.

- so I think it goes both ways. Many women also upset men or push the wrong buttons of men and it is something that I think a lot of men on this boardlet dont realise.

ROFL!! !! Aspie girls... blending in... Not in my case, certainly. I have blended in in my life as much as a zebra blends into a flock of geese.

But an aspie girl can fly under the radar. Not an aspie guy. There's a reason why I use the Prius for my aspie male analogies - the Prius is odd and awkward, timid, and boring. And it sticks out like a sore thumb. Just like most aspie guys.

No, I know few aspie females who fly under the radar, amongst who I have met in AS groups. We tend to stand out prominently as "the weird girl" or similar.

If I was a car driving down the road I would not be so much a Honda or a Toyota, but perhaps something quite inappropriate for the road, such as an amphibious boat vehicle, or perhaps a 747 jet driving down the freeway.

I'd be a DeLorean...time traveling DeLorean

do you feel the power of love?!

^ That does sound nice. Actually I think I would like to be a blue ferrari.

how boring and dreary

I'd be a Lexus LS600hL.

Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream!

Yup. I can fly under the radar, but a lot of people (girls) can't. My roommate is definitely referred to as "the weird girl."

I'd be a custom built diesel powered Cadillac
with a few antennae for my radios.

Judging by my boyfriend and best friend (both NT males) - they do not.
They both get frustrated when I do the things you mentioned. >.<
Although I don't think I do it as much as lots of women.

I'd be a Volkswagen Beetle. Colorful, round and cute, like meeee!