Is there a way to make fear just go away?

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I agree with that, but I think it's also important to be able to recognize when it's fear that's holding us back or when it's something else.

I had a therapist once who thought that my social difficulties were due to fear. She didn't know that I had AS and at the time neither did I. She would try to reassure me and encourage me to put myself out there, and I kept telling her that I didn't know how, and she just shrugged it off. What I needed was information on how to learn better skills, not reassurance.

It can be very stressful and ultimately result in more fear to try to do something that we are not actually capable of. That's why I think it's better to start with small steps, doing things that feel relatively safe and then building from there.

That's the risk everyone takes whenever we attempt anything. Yes, there's the possibility of failure, but there's also the possibility of success. If you just hide away in your safe little hole, failure is a %100 guarantee. So to go out there and keep trying is still your better bet.

There's also the consequences of failure to account for... doing nothing results in not feeling anything save pre-existing conditions. Trying and failing is incredibly painful, and puts me in a much worse situation than before...

It's been said that to get over any fear, you have to look it in the face to get over the fear. That was true of me when it came to snakes. So it is when meeting people. Sure it can be overwhelming. This morning, a woman was talking with me while she was on her job. She seemed to have more than just an initial interest in talking to me about her organization. However, I couldn't muster the strength to keep talking with her and clumsily went away.

Jazz

Yes, bingo and you win the grand prize. After I was diagnosed with AS, I pushed myself to get out there. I've made more friends in the past year, probably more than many of the past years combined. My secret? Adjusting to living in the NT world as successfully as I have. While being in WP and other AS forums are nice, I still need to live everyday life in this world. Can't be just merely a fantasy world I create in my own world.

Jazz

you have two choices
try and possibly fail
or do nothing

there is no other options

JazzofLife -
" I've made more friends in the past year, probably more than many of the past years combined. My secret? Adjusting to living in the NT world as successfully as I have. While being in WP and other AS forums are nice, I still need to live everyday life in this world. Can't be just merely a fantasy world I create in my own world."

- It's very true. In my younger years, since I did not know I have asperger, I find it real tough to mix with anyone. It's all because we have totally different kind of personality, that we are different from the NTs to mix with other people. When I was in front of someone, i want to talk, yet I did not know how, people just avoided me when I started talking to them, and I kept asking myself, "Why can't I be like others so easily talking to others" - only now do I understand, it's asperger. Even now I ask, why God made us so different, making us suffer the loneliness and many other things. Frankly I hate what I had experienced in life all because I never understood my life. If only I had known about the fact that I have asperger since young, I know I would have been having a much better life.

"The only way to get fear to go away is, is to get out there face whatever it is your afraid of. Once you see that you really can do it, you won't be as afraid."
"Courage is not the absence of fear; its the ability to face fear."Is there any way to just make the fear go away? Or even better, make the risk of failure itself go away?"

- "Face whatever it is you're afraid of, then you won't be afraid anymore." Easier said then done. The kind of fear we are facing is mostly related to how we interact with others, especially the NTs. Our fear is, inborn. We are born with such a different character. For us to try to improve on our own is not easy at all. Because we're different. We have different kind of thinking and characteristics. But I believe we can overcome it. What we need is support from our family members or friends who will take the initiative to build us to know or learn the steps possible to make us as naturally NT as possible.

Toad, have you ever read The Dice Man?

What you're looking for is a catch 22. You want to become fearless and comfortable enough act on autopilot AND have a group of friends who like and respect you. I could be wrong, but having both of these is hard for an aspie to do.

Getting rid of fear is as easy as devaluing what you're afraid of. If you walk up to a group of people and say the stupidest thing ever, will they chase you with pitchforks and kill you? Maybe I guess, but it has yet to happen to me. I've found awkwardness to be pretty toothless after experiencing and causing so much of it. It's pretty fun to see what you can get away with sometimes.

However, getting people to actually like you and hang around you? That usually requires me to hold back and be really careful not to blow it.

Fear goes away when positive experience is gained, and in turn you become more confident. As you become more confident fear becomes less. I have a problem with this also. The only way to get started is to grit your teeth and do whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable.

If you can do this, you will eventually become successful. It just takes time.

Personally I am afraid of a lot of things. I am very much afraid of anything involving people.

As much as you probably don't like hearing it, you just have to face it. A lot of the time when I come home from work or whatever I have severe break downs for hours. But you just have to keep doing it I guess. Good luck with your social endevors.

When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired - you will be catapulted into action and then watch out world because ToadofSteel - you will become a lighting bolt of blue steel who will be utterly unstoppable!

In the meantime, we are here for you!

Epiphany is a moment of truth in which you become elucidated and enlightened! I hope your moment of truth comes soon so that you are inspired to Go Get 'Em Tiger!

HR