A Partner Who Will Challenge Me

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Fine.

Whatever.

Ya know its okay for everyone else to make demands of what kind of partner they like.

But for me...no

Instead they have to do some psychoanalysis BS on my part.

Why did you come onto a public website and start listing your demands if not to have input on them?

Last edited by MidlifeAspie on 12 Jan 2011, 7:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, good luck with that. You may have to expand your horizons a bit, however, as no woman wants to be treated as a test subject or as a debate opponent or whatever you seem to want. They want someone to love them, someone they can be intimate with.

Everyone may not be the same, but everyone is capable of the same.

I truly wish you the best of luck for your endeaver, as you will need it.

I apologize if my "psychoanalysis BS" known as an opinion offends you.

Last edited by Jonsi on 12 Jan 2011, 7:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.

a woman's body is a beautiful thing, but her head is useless!! ! MUHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA

(no one will get what that is from)

I didn't. D:

someone is bound to

Phantasmagoria

I cheated.

Sorry.

I'm not good at explaining what I'm trying to say.

Look, sadly, I'm not the kind of guy who's going to be glued to his cellphone or text all night. Sometimes I even forget about sex. And I don't really have much sexual attraction.

I need someone who's going to deal with some days, I forget to be lovey.

pfft, never can play a decent game anymore

I gotta go talk to the waiter at Chotchkies, maybe he's finally done those god damn receipts!
Oooh Trevor should be there...unless those evil demons who live in the mirror got him.
I told Blob not to ally herself with demonic forces

Okay so let me try this again.

In this thread, I know I got a little weird. But its because I'm trying to do two things, trying to explain, but also trying to defend myself. Because I feel I'm being accused and that makes me upset.

And when I feel accused I get all kinds of silly.

What I'm trying to say, is for now I need a partner who is safe. After being in an abusive relationship for about a year. I need something safe and familiar.

I apologize if I contributed. I got a little weird there myself. Care to tell the story? Only if you're okay with it. We'll listen and help.

Its a very painful story. But um last year I met a woman. She was very beautiful. Let alone did I know that I was actually inhale her toxic fumes. Ua know I thought we had a good thing going on.

Never had I fallen in love so much with someone, but this one girl. She seemed to save me even my most horrid mistakes. She was there for me. And she even....she even stopped my boss from firing me.

A year ago, I had been hanging with a wonderful young woman[for this sake we'll call her Em]. We'd be hanging since February of 2010 We met through my work and we began to talk here and there on the phone that is. I had finally believed that I found an independent individual, one I could share intellectual thoughts with. She was a really wonderful person. And when I was wrongly accused for stealing something from the back room, she stood up for me. The first time anyone's ever done that for me. She stood up for me and I was surprised and glad. She even put her own job on the line for me. She said if I was fired that she'd quit.

We found the real perp and I kept my job, but the ugly rumors that I was a liar still flew around. But she was my glue, she made me happy. And I enjoyed talking to her. I think I began to fall in love with her. I dreamt about her in my dreams, I dreamt about our conversations, and I dreamt about her voice. Her words were like a kind of poisonous toxin and I became addicted, especially for all the things she did for me. I thought she understood me.

At the same time she was suffering from some problems at home with her over protective, Christian mother. All though we were both around the same age, her mother like to keep a strong hold on her. Manipulating her daughter and using her kind of like a human puppet. I think its when our relationship began to get really serious and we were more then ever enthralled in each other. That I began to see the nasty side effects of her. She made to many promises and being the way I am I follow rules and I have a strict kind of structure I take these promises at face value. I have to say I was not without flaws in this relationship. I knew my social skills were bad, especially when it was trying to connect an emotion with words. I get frustrated, but not particular with her, but with myself because I could never connect the proper words with the emotion.

I think the worse thing is when she started distancing herself from me slowly. I knew it had to do with her mother. Her mother had threatened to take the phone away from her. She listened a lot to her mother. Her mother didn't want us to be together, didn't like us talking. Her mother believed it was taking time from her real duties. Which was basically cleaning the house and doing things for her mother. Her mother demanded her daughter had full respect of her and forced her away from social events to do things for her. Not only that, but her mother made her own daughter feel indebted to her because she saved the daughter from an abusive father and the fact that she raised her.

So I when I sense distance my natural instinct is to go across the gap. I think my biggest mistake was trying to save her from Mother Dearest. Her mother had a big impact on her. I told her she should be in a new environment and had offered for her to stay with my place till she could figure some things out. When her mother wasn't imprisoning her I could see her deprogramming. Her mother had done more damage then the father did, the father never hit his daughter, he just kind of neglected her. And her mother was emotionally pulling her daughter's strings. Em[I'm using her initials so you don't get confused, Em is the girl I had fallen in love with] seemed to be doing better and kind of normal.

But Mother Dearest didn't like her daughter not being at her controlling finger tips. And threatened to kill herself if Em didn't come back. Its that time, when Em started getting worse. She started lying to me, and a lot of he things she told me months ago ended up be some parts of fictitious truth. I felt like I had been played, but then again I had never told her that I loved her more then friends. But I felt betrayed. It hurt more then anything in the world. Because I had gotten so involved, she protected me when no one else did. And she lied to me. And the more I saw it I could see the relationship Em had with her mom, as the same as mine. She lied to me roughly around 20 times. I kept giving her leeway because she'd make it all better by saying what I wanted to hear.

If I really thought about it:

Em was abused by her father, her mother saved her and made her feel indebted for life

Em protected me from the abuse of coworkers and made me feel like I needed to pay her back

Em's mom said things to keep Em enthralled in her world

Every time Em and I had a fight, Em would say something that made me feel guilty and I'd be the one to apologize, but Em never apologized for the things she had done or about the original concern. At this time, I was really really trying to change, trying to make myself better person, trying to be a better person. Trying hard so that way I wouldn't fail Em. She made me feel like a failure, she made me feel like I failed. She changed the situation to always situated that I was the person doing wrong.

Em was just like her mother. Em had no control in her life and she found someone whom she could control. I felt like a fool because somehow I was okay and had fallen in love with it. Em and I broke off our friendship late October, beginning of November this year. For a few weeks I was extremely depressed and sad. I couldn't eat, couldn't think, and I couldn't stop myself from crying. Feeling hurt. Worse was Em was still sending me messages and she said things and blamed the whole situation on me. Which made me feel guilty so you could say her toxin stuck on me.

I would love a partner who'd challenge me. I won't tolerate being cut down with patronizing or sarcasm--I've had enough of that. But I'd love to be genuinely challenged by someone who respects me and sees my potential.

This is where I'm getting at.

Yeah, that's was kind of the vibe I got from your original post.

I wish I was someone who could take more initiative than I do. I tend to be scattered and distracted. I would love to have someone who could help me focus more and hep me be more than I can be on my own.

I've often joked that I'm a Paul McCartney looking for her John Lennon.

Same here.