Asymmetry in Aspie-NT relationships

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I think saying all couples with an Aspie should do one thing or another is what's stupid. The idea what it's not always the Aspie who should compromise is something I agree with - compromise in a relationship should be mutual, not just focused on the Aspie, or the NT.

Last edited by Asp-Z on 18 Jan 2011, 1:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I actually agree with what Tony Atwood says and what I was referring to was someone who doesn't need to go too many couple's event. Note the part I bolded above. If the person is very social, then they must have a social life outside the relationship. If they go to too many couple's events, I wouldn't be able to cope because I can only take so much social interaction myself. I was just saying that I would need some alone "me" time as well.

Last edited by Jono on 18 Jan 2011, 1:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Absolutely. This is why my marriage works. She gives me my space when I need it and she is there when I need that. Her socializing outside the relationship serves two purposes as it also gives me some alone time

That is what should happen in all relationships and, I agree, that is how I feel about the relationship with my AS husband: yin and yang; I'll find for us here / you fend for us there.

Finding a truly "equal" relationship is a challenge for any two people. Everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses, interests and needs. Sometimes people simply "work" together, with all that meshing like puzzle pieces, but most often people don't. Which is why one must kiss a lot frogs to find one's prince. The relationship has to have more than attraction; it has to "fit." When you finally find that fit, you hang onto it. Amazing how important it is; society should really talk about that more, and less about lust.

I have to be careful with my husband not to assume that he will not want to socialize with me as a couple; when I get too involved in my own social life (which I do have and, well, most NT women married to either NT or AS men have) then he gets hurt that I don't seem to want to spend time with him. Always talk, always check, right? But we do have a pretty natural balance of wanting to be together v. alone; while it requires a small check every so often, we're pretty close to being on the same page.

It really depends on how much social need the other partner has. Not all NT's are the same. I actually don't know if I'm NT or AS, but I definitely have more social needs than my husband, and I am quite comfortable filling those with female friends on my own. Still, I'd say my social needs are quite a few steps down from the average NT's. If the gap was too big, I don't think it would work for my husband; he wants me to spend time with him in his world, too.

All that stuff should get talked about between ANY pair dating. So much goes into fitting together and sharing a life. Social needs are definitely part of it.