jagatai wrote:
Despite the many surprised reactions in this thread, I'm not sure that, at its core, this question isn't valid to the way many Aspies think.
Some time ago one particular woman quite openly and directly asked me if I wanted to have an afair with her. On the surface, this sounded pretty good. She was young, beautiful and smart. She also had a boyfriend who went into violent rages. Okay... maybe my dating experiences aren't conventional. I politely turned her down since getting clubbed over the head by her boyfriend didn't strike me as the perfect end to a date.
Anyway, I think if you reframe the question as "How often does the fear of a serious negative outcome prevent you from dating?" then I think many - heck, probably most - of us on WP would have to raise our hands to give an answer. The word "crime" assumes the crossing of a line that might not often happen in most dating circumstances, but that line can be awfully fuzzy at times. One person's offensive behavior might be another person's crime.
Another way of looking at the question is that many Aspies (myself included) find most people's behavior so unpredictable and confusing that, while we might hope for the best, we still have little idea of what to expect from another person. It could be that the person only wants to date you because they figure they'll get a chance to steal your wallet or case your apartment for a later burglery.
Fear that a date might just be a ruse to rip you off is just an extension of the very real fears some of us had as children when a "friend" asked us if there was anyone we had a crush on in class and when we told them, promptly shouted it out to the whole class, much to our great embarrassment.
While I mostly trust people, I find I can't always easily guess what they will do or what their motivations might be. And because I can't see why someone might want to date me, I become suspicious of their motives. It may be irrational, but I have wondered if I was being set up for a crime in the few instances where a woman approached me.
I don't see how you can trust most people when the worst crimes are committed by people you know. I would rather die of an accident than actually be murdered. I feel as if anyone who approaches me has death in store, looking at me as if they're ready to strangle me in my sleep. It's another reason why I hate sleeping.
I consider myself lucky to have gotten out of my parents house and away from my siblings. They are all good, loving people, but don't most people say that about the killer after they find out who it was? "Wow, he was always so nice..." "Oh, he was such a good guy..." blah blah blah?
I've never had a crime committed upon me and plan to keep it that way. If I eventually have a child, I swear I've already made plans for setting up adoption when they turn 3... Kids also seem to kill their parents during those frustration years...
People are f*cking crazy.
No, I did not grow up in the ghetto surrounded by guns. In fact, I grew up in white upper-class suburbia, with those crazy kids that were into drugs and sex all the time, like they had nothing else to do... No, no one I knew has been murdered... but I don't want that person to be me when it does happen.
23 Jan 2011, 8:19 am
