Stigma is what's limiting us with relationships

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MidlifeAspie
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28 Jan 2011, 11:01 pm

Jono wrote:

Well, the point is, why should the term "mental health problem" sound suspicious if the majority of people with mental health problems are not a danger to other people?

Because if you have depression you say you have depression.

If you have OCD, ADHD or Autism you say you have OCD, ADHD or Autism.

If you have pedophilia or are a sociopath, you say you have "mental health issues". Otherwise you just say what you have.

ToadOfSteel
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29 Jan 2011, 12:55 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

I think if he'd put out that it was depression he would have likely had less trouble with flat mates than with women on the site, reason being I think is because, aryan or otherwise, most girls (ok..I'll be specific: mainstream NT's) want a goofy and upbeat guy who's excited about life and doesn't take things seriously. Goofy and upbeat usually doesn't go hand in hand with struggles of that nature. Girls with a bit of depression, OCD, or anxiety might of course have a different reaction.

That's what never made sense to me... why do women want a guy who's not that serious, for a relationship which is, by definition, fairly serious?

techstepgenr8tion
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29 Jan 2011, 1:01 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

That's what never made sense to me... why do women want a guy who's not that serious, for a relationship which is, by definition, fairly serious?

I think its less a concreted decision than a result of what their brain chemistry/brain structure puts them through.

Volodja
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29 Jan 2011, 3:48 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:

Jono wrote:

Well, the point is, why should the term "mental health problem" sound suspicious if the majority of people with mental health problems are not a danger to other people?

Agreed 100%

It's not about being suspicious of someone with mental health problems - it's about being suspicious of someone who says "I have mental health problems" like that

techstepgenr8tion
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29 Jan 2011, 4:04 pm

Volodja wrote:

Agreed 100%

It's not about being suspicious of someone with mental health problems - it's about being suspicious of someone who says "I have mental health problems" like that

And to say that people even can be completely unguarded to someone like a pedophile, a psychopath, or even someone for which there's barely such a thing as reality where it brings out great violence - its neither practical nor realistic for someone to say "Tsk...shame on you for judging...".

bewarethebob
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29 Jan 2011, 4:24 pm

thanks for the video.
That is disappointing. But alas. True. people are shallow.

Janissy
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29 Jan 2011, 4:56 pm

Volodja wrote:

MidlifeAspie wrote:

Jono wrote:

Well, the point is, why should the term "mental health problem" sound suspicious if the majority of people with mental health problems are not a danger to other people?

Agreed 100%

It's not about being suspicious of someone with mental health problems - it's about being suspicious of someone who says "I have mental health problems" like that

I agree too. It's the lack of specificity that is ominous. I once had a roomate who was psychotic. She told me that she took meds for it and had not had an episode since she started taking them in her teen years, But that she was a little spacey because of the meds so if I found her to be a little spacey, that was the reason. That specificity was reassuring. The more specifics a person gives, the more likely others are to be ok with it (unless the specifics are themselves alarming, such as an arrest record).

And for the record, she was spacey. And that was ok. Other things might not have been ok. If she had decided that she preferred psychotic episodes to being spacey, that would have been her choice. But my choice would have been not to have her as a roomate. Living with a spacey person is just fine with me. Living with a person who has psychotic episodes would not be. Everybody has their own personal feelings for what they can personally deal with and what they can't in their roomate and love relationships. When it came to somebody's mental health issues, I would need to know how it would impact me personally. Her medicated spaciness had no ill effect on me. Psychotic episodes would have. It isn't immoral or shallow for people to decide that there are some things they just don't want to deal with on a daily basis if they can possibly help it.

Space
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29 Jan 2011, 5:17 pm

You shouldn't be talking about depression, AS, addictions, etc. until after 3 months into things... possibly when things begin to get more serious. Anything less than this is just shooting yourself in the foot. They say "be yourself" but that means show the good, attractive parts of yourself... the personal/touchy info is for much later.

People are shallow... but compared to what? Animals?

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29 Jan 2011, 10:42 pm

Space wrote:

But after the person finds that stuff out they may bail & then I would of wasted 3 months of my time as well as hurting that person because I wasn't upfront. I'm dammed if I do & damned if I don't

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Volodja
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29 Jan 2011, 10:57 pm

I agree. 3 months is way too long. It also depends on the kinda women you're interested in. The kinda women I'd want to be with aren't likely to be that put off by my AS I don't think

nick007
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29 Jan 2011, 11:26 pm

Volodja wrote:

I agree. 3 months is way too long. It also depends on the kinda women you're interested in. The kinda women I'd want to be with aren't likely to be that put off by my AS I don't think

I tend to like women who have mental issues themselves which is one of the rezones why I believe in being upfront about it. I know when I mention depression lots of people tend to think of suicide, when I mention autism they think of mental retardation, when I mention dyslexia they think I don't know what words mean, when I mention ADHD they think it means I'm constantly on a sugar high, & when I mention OCD they think I'm constantly washing my hands & counting everything. If I try to explain what my issues are I have people get weirded out as soon as I tell em & if I don't tell em 1ce I start acting weird because of those things they get weirded out to.

menintights
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30 Jan 2011, 12:12 pm

Quote:

I tend to like women who have mental issues themselves which is one of the rezones why I believe in being upfront about it.

Why? I don't know what kind of mental issues you have in mind, but purposely seeking for someone unstable to be your romantic partner is like setting yourself up for a relationship that's bound to fail.

Anyway, I'd switch 3 months to 3 meetings. You don't want to throw all your personal crap in someone's face after meeting him/her/it for only 3 minutes, but waiting for 3 months before coming clean with your issues--assuming you're one of the rare few who can still appear normal after that long and you're not in a relationship where you're taking 12 days off at a time--is just wrong.

nick007
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30 Jan 2011, 12:49 pm

menintights wrote:

Quote:

I tend to like women who have mental issues themselves which is one of the rezones why I believe in being upfront about it.

Statements like that seem very stupid & callous & really ticks me off. I'm talking about things like OCD, learning problems, seeming a little slow, being a little depressed, sensitive, anxiety, being a little needy/clingy, dependent ect. I think most people in this forum have issues like that & assiming that most everyone on WP is unstable is extremely inaccurate. I have those kinds of issues myself & someone with similar issues is more likely to be sympathetic, understanding & accepting of mine. As for as being unstable; there were times in my life when I was extremely unstable & feeling unaccepted by others & having no one to turn to made my issues a lot worse. having friends & support can be a major help. The stigma of an ignorant intolerant society tends to make things a lot worse for people who don't fit in. I feel very strongly about this because I know from my own personal experience that the stigma can be a lot worse & cause more problems for people than the mental issues/illnesses/disabilities themselves.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ND2-XCcwzt4[/youtube]

eudaimonia
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31 Jan 2011, 2:11 am

Hmm.. pretty sure I am limiting me with relationships, and my tendency to become anxious / reject everyone / think I am somehow sparing them the difficulty of trying to communicate with me, but this was interesting nonetheless.

Unless you give people details or make it seem funny, 'mental illness' is very vague and also does not really exist without an understanding of the behavior which you are trying to describe with the term.

Space
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31 Jan 2011, 6:54 pm

Volodja wrote:

I agree. 3 months is way too long. It also depends on the kinda women you're interested in. The kinda women I'd want to be with aren't likely to be that put off by my AS I don't think

3 months is just a rough estimate... I mean, date her long enough that you do have a relationship and a connection to build off of. That could be 1 month or less. This is a judgment call on your part. I just don't think it's a good idea to disclose sensitive information too soon.

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