Lads: Learn to be Men!

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My late wife and me identified as "girl" and "boy" but
at the same time, she did not expect me to do
things I cannot do and the same with me.

She did not expect me to be this piller of strong
and she never forced me to do a job I cannot do
and she did not expect me to pay for everything.

I did not expect her to do ALL the house work either,
besides I had been using machines and automation
to do it before we even met.

She just loved me for me, in spite of society
thinking of me as "ret*d" or "disabled"
as society loves to call me.

I loved her for her, I didn't care
if society saw her as "ret*d" or "disabled"
she loved me and she did not have a head
full of rubbish like alot of society seem to,
I loved her because she would play with me
and play dollies one time and legos and hotwheels
another time, and she would play in the rain
with me, we would even go sloshing in the
giant mud puddle in the park and we would
both come out BROWN, caked in mud and
laugh at ourselfes and go home on the bus
and I bet the bus driver wondered what the
heck we had been doing, but who cares?

We had fun.

She knew how to have real fun, we were
not into growedup boring stuff, we liked
what we liked, there was and is no law against it.

The funniest thing we ever did when we played
in the giant mud puddle was I said when I was
covered in mud: "Look, I got the worst case of diarrhoea EVER!"
She cood not stop laffing all the way home.

If I were to give both:

perfect world - women and men ask each other out equally, either go dutch or trade off on buying for each other (which I already do the later), stay at home as wives/husbands equally, neither gender both has their cake and eats it too or has obligation met with more obligation (women trying to be working supermoms or men expected to be John Wayne and super-sensitive protector/nurturer all in one).

real world - humans are predators of humans, because of that women want strong men. Women look for signs of strength in men and because of that, things like chivalry are signs that a man hasn't broken down to please society but goes with what he knows is right - he gives signs that he is a capable protector and, if she needs to take maternity leave, he's bright enough to make a decent wage to where it won't be a problem. We as men also still are attracted to women who express femininity, regardless of independence. Women who break with that find that out quick, and unfortunately we can't turn it off - its biological, much like most women cannot for the life of them be attracted to what they see as weak men. Hence when people set norms to push people to believe that gender differences are barbaric and unneeded, they're forgetting two things 1) this is endemic to the human condition, we can wish in one hand, do something else in the other, and see which fills up faster 2) this is nature's insurance policy, for in case some natural catastrophe is needed and alphas are needed once again - the gene pool will fight to keep animal standards at the top no matter what, hence the eugenic wiring we have built into us.

The last bit isn't logical in the moment because, much like most of human behavior, its an artifact of evolutionary psychology. Its the very reason that point 2 makes any sense:


But, I still have to tell you this: I've seen plenty of times where girls were getting into topics that guys have no interest in, just like I've been in a room with guys who were getting into Junkyard Wars and the girls were all having a laugh with each other - at their boyfriends.

Some of these things are inherently true. Stereotyping is a word that I suppose we need to watch, as in - if something is generally true that men tend to be more techy/geeky, its not wrong for guys sites and magazines to cover that, much like its not wrong for a womens site to cover similar things that are more gender-based.

What I'm against is each gender criticizing the other on what they inherently are or aren't. There are better ways to phrase such thoughts or ideas, ie. ask a sincere question to understand, get better knowledge on what's going on. If either side wants to feel that their superior to the other, unfortunately, ignorance works better, so that varies on the individual. When we live in a culture where bad attitude or intolerance makes a person more socially alpha, it means that they carry a legion of people behind them suffering from Stockholm Syndrome who've become cynical just to emotionally survive their more brash peers - that of course pertains more to bullying within each gender. That's another influence that we have to find some way to crush. Punishment usually doesn't do it, changing paradigms of self-interest however, IMO, does.

Well, the only way to make things truly equal is to no longer have a need for the word equal. As long as we try to achieve equality, it will never occur. Equality happens when you stop trying to reach it, much in the same way as happiness.

Of course, we live in an unequal society with unequal rules, so achieving equality in such an environment is impossible, as it goes against the framework of the order. So as long as things remain unequal, people will continue to have these ridiculous rules for everything, including dating, where all these stupid mores serve as a defense mechanism of sorts. These rules try to make sense of something that is inherently illogical, and that's why it's all so stupid.

Just so I understand you - you believe that gender is mostly or even purely a learned/cultural thing? I ask that because, without that being your going assumption, little of what's said above makes much sense - as in reality would never change or be better untangled if we took our eyes off of it, unless the hypothesis was that such a reality came purely from our belief that it exists.

It is actually. Culturally learned. You learn male/female roles from your family and society from a very early age.

I guess I should bottom line this...
I don't care about television shows and which percentage of people with certain genitalia prefer which hobbies or how couples decide which parent stays home with the kid. Believe it or not, a lot of that comes from social conditioning and is not inherent in the actual gender of a person. What I care about are phrases such as "equal pay", "equal benefits", and "equal opportunities for advancement" (that includes combat as well as corporate). There's lots of things that need "equal" added to the front of them to specify what is currently unequal and an injustice. Like Mindslave says, the only to get it is to do it and stop talking about it. Unfortunately, the social conditioning that makes us believe certain tv shows belong to a penis by nature is what is keeping the word "equal" a necessary part of the conversation.

Looks a bit like lifestyle programming to me, an alt GQ for guys who like thoreau?

I'm not very engaged. There might be something in it, but I don't really like being told what books I should read and clothes I should wear.

I think I'm just slightly offended by all this for reasons I can't really put my finger on.

I only read the atticus finch article which talked about integrity and moral courage. I didnt look at the rest of the site. I thought that was a good article, anyway.

Ok, if you don't like The art of Manliness, then see how you get along with THESE cavemen.

http://www.arthurshall.com/

How far "back to the animal standards" are we expected to go? Clubbing the females over the heads and dragging them back to our caves?

Don't knock it! It worked for about a million years and saved a lot of bother and expense.

Ah, I remember this site. The fundamentalist Christian calling himself a Viking... talk about one seriously confused person. Let me just say I'm laughing at him, not with him.

Hey, I've been carrying my pipe tobacco in an Altoids tin! That has to be manly!

No, wait! There's more!

In the middle ages Italian men would kidnap a girl.
That was the origin of the groomsmen. To help the man with the kidnapping and protect him during the wedding.

The Bridesmaids were to provide camouflage so no one could tell which was the bride.

Once they were wedded and bedded the girl's family had to accept the situation and make the best of it.

I am not making this up! It is in lots of books.

Yeah, and the key words are... "IN THE MIDDLE AGES".

Yeah, he gets a lot of these in response to his posts.... ----->