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Lene
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09 Mar 2011, 4:58 pm

alex wrote:
Don't let it bother you. Cheating is pretty common in neurotypicals and doesn't say anything about you. The girls you're dealing with are most likely immature at this age.


Why not just write ''cheating is pretty common'? There's no need to make a dig at NTs. They're not some enemy.



Beauty_pact
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09 Mar 2011, 8:35 pm

Rhapsody wrote:
Also, I doubt most people cheat. (Unless of course someone can give me statistics that say otherwise.) It's just the ones who do that really get around. Don't let it get you down too much. You're not the first they've cheated on and you won't be the last.


Both of my serious girlfriends were unfaithful to me by having sex with some player guy, both of the times (and, at the same time, giving up their virginities), and they had not been "getting around", before, but then again, I never met either of them so maybe they then found it easier to be unfaithful to me, due to that. I broke up with them immediately and I still think about what they did, and I have become an extremely suspicious person, because of it. And then the liars, too... I think I have become an expert in telling if people lie, now. -_-

My sister was unfaithful to her old boyfriend, and her new boyfriend was unfaithful to her. I guess they match well together, then. -_-;

It seems to me that unfaithfulness rather is a rule than an exception. I guess the reason I found out, at least the second time, is because I am very manipulative and am very good to get the truth out of people.

I hate humanity. :/ I, too, am an Aspie... for the record.



FalcoDK
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10 Mar 2011, 12:34 am

I am sorry to hear of the others pain in this thread.
however i am relieved to hear everyone give me relatively the same advice.
thank you all, and im glad i can finally talk to anyone about the things going on in my life, because the people around me just dont get it.


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Memeticist
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10 Mar 2011, 2:21 am

I think your frustration and depression may be maginified by your AS. I've heard AS types can do better with schedules and can have great difficulty when their expectations aren't met, so if there's an assumption of loyalty and that trust is breached the AS types may feel "more" betrayed.

Then there's the matter of focus. I know some AS types can become so focused and fixated on their one partner the thought of being with someone else never occurs to them and the thought of their partner being with someone else is equally foreign and so the truth of the situation being revealed is that much more jarring. I know personally it takes so much effort for me to get into a date situation the idea of f*****g it up with cheating is just alien to me.

My unsolicited advice is to begin each relationship with a brief conversation about expectations and time lines. I'm about to go out on a date next week (I recommend a look at my [rant/panic attack] thread for a laugh) and I'm just going to try and hook the girl into kissing me first. I mean, really, when we meet we'll be fresh and clean and probably have just brushed our teeth vs after dinner and few hours of talking and the fruit and cheese appetizer, we might have major cotton mouth or HALITOSIS, not to mention the tension of "will we or won't we" will be gone and that's so much easier. It will also stab my limerence in the heart, just as a refusal would which is also wayyy easier to deal with.

I recently saw this movie about an Aspie called... Adam's Story(?) When he finds out his girlfriend lied to him about "randomly bumping into" her parents he totally loses it and says just some of the most awful things he can think of. I know the same thing happened to me after about a day of contemplating what had happened when I found out my Ex had cheated on me, I totally lost it.



guywithAS
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27 Apr 2011, 3:29 pm

i suspect you weren't being dominant enough in the relationships and the girls lost respect for you.



hyperlexian
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27 Apr 2011, 3:57 pm

guywithAS wrote:
i suspect you weren't being dominant enough in the relationships and the girls lost respect for you.

i think that dominant men also have women cheat on them.


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joestenr
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27 Apr 2011, 4:12 pm

to take the prior post and flush it out a bit.
NT women seem to be deeply turn off by a man showing his emotions.

think of it this way, some people just plain turn you on and others don't right?
In a sex based relationship (witch is pretty much what NT girls in their early 20's seem to be looking for) emotions are not a turn on.
By letting her know that you are falling for her before you have slept with her you are actually saying to this girl, run , run fast. (maybe there are NT women who are different, I haven't met them)
after you have been sleeping together for awhile you can start opening up and usually she will feel like she has enough invested in the relationship at that point that she may be feeling something too.

Personally I would tell you as an Aspie I have found myself doomed to either get hurt by women that I am strongly attracted to (selfish love) or have less passionate relationships with a women who is more of a friend than a lover.(selfless love)
If I have learned anything about love in my life it is that real love is found in the latter, friends care enough that they won't hurt you. Even if it isn't always as much of a thrill.
(mind you I never had the ability to apply this wisdom to my own life, though in hindsight I wish I could have.)

Put the blame where it belongs and give yourself a break.



hyperlexian
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27 Apr 2011, 4:19 pm

joestenr wrote:
to take the prior post and flush it out a bit.
NT women seem to be deeply turn off by a man showing his emotions.

think of it this way, some people just plain turn you on and others don't right?
In a sex based relationship (witch is pretty much what NT girls in their early 20's seem to be looking for) emotions are not a turn on.
By letting her know that you are falling for her before you have slept with her you are actually saying to this girl, run , run fast. (maybe there are NT women who are different, I haven't met them)
after you have been sleeping together for awhile you can start opening up and usually she will feel like she has enough invested in the relationship at that point that she may be feeling something too.

so what you are saying is that young men who pour their hearts out in poetry, songs, flowers, or kittens, or whatever are unsuccessful in love with young women because they didn't climb into bed first? because it seems that the opposite is true. it's a matter of matching up the right approach with the right personalities. romantic men need to find romantic women.

not all young women want sex first and emotions later. the same can be true for young men.


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Daryl_Blonder
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27 Apr 2011, 6:55 pm

OP have you ever considered an open relationship?

In such a scenario the prospect of cheating is yet another of the many painful aspects of conventional dating that can be thrown out the window... where it belongs.

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Beauty_pact
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28 Apr 2011, 4:38 pm

Daryl_Blonder wrote:
OP have you ever considered an open relationship?


That shouldn't even be an option of consideration, but I do know that the minds of the very vast majority of people don't follow the path of mine.

It's just another way to say promiscuity.



Daryl_Blonder
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28 Apr 2011, 10:11 pm

Beauty_pact wrote:
Daryl_Blonder wrote:
OP have you ever considered an open relationship?


That shouldn't even be an option of consideration,


Why not?

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Ambrose_Rotten
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28 Apr 2011, 11:30 pm

Rhapsody wrote:
alex wrote:
http://www.catalogs.com/info/relationships/percentage-of-married-couples-who-cheat-on-each-ot.html


That's rather depressing. And here I was naively hoping people were better than that. How silly of me. Well, at least you know you're not alone Falco.



I'm pretty sure that many human beings are hard-wired for polygamy. This directly contradicts western culture, and thus "cheating" is born.

I guess what I'm saying is similar to what Daryl is getting at, but not quite.



Beauty_pact
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30 Apr 2011, 5:13 pm

Daryl_Blonder wrote:
Why not?


Because humans, with their available intellects, should differ themselves from chimpanzees.



Sirius
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30 Apr 2011, 9:30 pm

Mostly yes, I believe something about Aspergers, gives off a sense of vulnerability and naivety, even if the other person isn't aware that you might have Aspergers. It's just a vibe we give off.