New boyfriend, and we can't seem to talk about anything

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Snivy (the OP) I'm going to ask a few questions which I think you should answer to yourself, then I'm going to play devil's advocate.

1) are you 18?
2) are you high functioning and relatively independent or is your AS pretty severe?
3) do you have a positive self image?
4) is this guy also on the Autism spectrum or is he NT?

Before I begin, let me say this is written under the impression the OP is female, forgive me if I've misinterpreted. That said:

If you're a legal adult and independently functioning there's nothing stopping you from setting the pace of the relationship, if that means jumping in the sack sooner rather than later, even if it means dragging the guy in after you, then go for it as long as you do so in a safe and consensual way. I put up a post myself in the "adult" forums about a problem I have with physical contact before becoming intimate (I'm all elbows and knees before the act and pure Romeo after).

The response I got was that after intimacy there's a rush of "oxytocin" a neuro transmitter (maybe, look it up) that helps with emotional bonding which results in my anxiety dissipating allowing me to act more naturally around my partner. That might be the kick in the pants you or your partner need.

There is a huge risk involved with this, the guy may be a total predator (I think if you have a negative self image this is much more likely), or be freaked out by your forwardness, or introduce a host of other issues like a preoccupation with sex on both sides, jealousy, misunderstandings etc. However speaking from the position of someone that's been taken advantage of and loooooves physical contact it might be worth the later heart ache to have the momentary pleasure (I know for some AS types just jumping that hurdle of "establish social contact" can be a major feat, actually getting physically intimate might seem like an epic undertaking, but in my experience, once it's done it's not nearly as difficult to imagine it happening again).

As long as you know you have more worth than the physical pleasure you provide there's no reason not to own it and enjoy it. Also, speaking as an Anime geek I think I can say with some confidence Anime fan girls rarely stay single for long.

A lot of good points have been made about taking it slow though, so consider your options carefully.

That is certainly true: it makes it much easier for him to control you if you do (assuming that's the type of person he is).

@dunbots: yes i was talking to you. So you are one of those persons who are tought to be really evil? why are you so?

best regrads,
anton

Well the cause isn't really known, but it probably has to do with how your parents raised you and treated you, how you were treated in school by other students and teachers, and other things.

We got a little more intimate now. As for him being AS or NT. I REALLY don't know, and I am in no position to wild guess what he is, so I'll just assume he's NT. I'm an AS.


He held me, which I didn't mind anymore. He didn't pressure me. I just reminded him what my limits are and he respected that. I kind of doubt he's narcissistic, but I'll be on the lookout for anymore signs of red flags.

I think it'd be easier to compare myself to a cat. Like a cat, I don't approach people easily, but if you're nice to me, I'll warm up to you.

Thanks guys.