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Feeling unattracted to my NT gf

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emlion
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13 Mar 2011, 12:56 pm

i never thought of it that way.
flips things a bit.



simon_says
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13 Mar 2011, 12:57 pm

Well, if it's a problem then you should say something. Figure out a nice way to broach the subject. But that's going to be tough because you are still in the honeymoon phase and it won't be expected at all. You are entering the lion's den.



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13 Mar 2011, 1:25 pm

Don't cheat on her or anything. Find a way to let her go as gently as possible.

Hopefully you won't end up like me and suddenly realize what you had after you break up with her :(



keira
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13 Mar 2011, 2:29 pm

Space wrote:
I was talking to an NT friend of mine (who doesn't know I have AS) about looking for someone better, and he says "you won't find someone better... at least someone who accepts you for you." This stuck in my head.


IMO, you can't have a good relationship without physical attraction. And it doesn't matter who's to blame for the lack of it. I have no idea if it's a pattern in your behavior or is it her "letting go" but if the attraction isn't there it just won't be good and it won't last long. And if you're considering staying with her just because "she's a good catch" and you're worried you won't find anyone better then it's really unfair to her and to you as well. Then you're just wasting each others time.



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13 Mar 2011, 2:38 pm

Break up with her.

I'll just wait another 4 months for your next thread like this. Good luck getting the super model you want :lol: :lol:



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13 Mar 2011, 2:57 pm

@hale, you're new avi is hilarious....and disturbing. :lol:


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Aspie1
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13 Mar 2011, 5:20 pm

Space wrote:
So I have been with this NT woman for close to two months. In many ways, she is a very good catch. She is very educated, has a job coming to her upon graduation, speaks 3 languages, plays piano, and is a very good cook. She also enjoys sex and doesn't want kids (at least she claims to not want them)... these two things are important to me.
...
The biggest problem is, I don't find myself that physically attracted to her. She isn't ugly, but I just don't find her sexy.
...
I think she is at an age where she really wants a bf, and definitely something headed into the serious realm.
...
I was talking to an NT friend of mine (who doesn't know I have AS) about looking for someone better, and he says "you won't find someone better... at least someone who accepts you for you." This stuck in my head.
...
Thoughts?

Your friend is onto something. Realistically, how long do you think it'll take you to find another girlfriend if you break up with your current one? I'm not calling you ugly or anything, but you also gotta know what you're working with here. Right now, you have a girlfriend who's really into you. She likes sex and she doesn't want kids, both of which are important to you. So if go the break-up route, you'll lose a guaranteed relationship, and it may take you years to find another girlfriend who will like you as much as you like her.

"But I'm not attracted to her", you might say. Well, I was in the same situations as yours multiple times. And each each time, I'd man up, get over myself, date the girl who likes me, be thankful for it, and treat her well. In the end, she's have the relationship that she wants, I'd have the relationship that I want, she'd get the romance she's looking for, I'd get the sex that I'm looking for, and everyone is happy.



hale_bopp
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13 Mar 2011, 5:55 pm

If you're not attracted to her and are consatntly seeing other people you'd rather be with then you shouldn't be with her.

You're using her because she is the best you can get. I feel sorry for her.



hale_bopp
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13 Mar 2011, 5:56 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Space wrote:
So I have been with this NT woman for close to two months. In many ways, she is a very good catch. She is very educated, has a job coming to her upon graduation, speaks 3 languages, plays piano, and is a very good cook. She also enjoys sex and doesn't want kids (at least she claims to not want them)... these two things are important to me.
...
The biggest problem is, I don't find myself that physically attracted to her. She isn't ugly, but I just don't find her sexy.
...
I think she is at an age where she really wants a bf, and definitely something headed into the serious realm.
...
I was talking to an NT friend of mine (who doesn't know I have AS) about looking for someone better, and he says "you won't find someone better... at least someone who accepts you for you." This stuck in my head.
...
Thoughts?

Your friend is onto something. Realistically, how long do you think it'll take you to find another girlfriend if you break up with your current one? I'm not calling you ugly or anything, but you also gotta know what you're working with here. Right now, you have a girlfriend who's really into you. She likes sex and she doesn't want kids, both of which are important to you. So if go the break-up route, you'll lose a guaranteed relationship, and it may take you years to find another girlfriend who will like you as much as you like her.

"But I'm not attracted to her", you might say. Well, I was in the same situations as yours multiple times. And each each time, I'd man up, get over myself, date the girl who likes me, be thankful for it, and treat her well. In the end, she's have the relationship that she wants, I'd have the relationship that I want, she'd get the romance she's looking for, I'd get the sex that I'm looking for, and everyone is happy.


So basically you condone using her, no wonder you all have problems with relationships.



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13 Mar 2011, 6:06 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
So basically you condone using her, no wonder you all have problems with relationships.


It doesn't sound to me like they have any problems with relationships beyond simple bad luck: not meeting the right one yet.

And maybe by sticking it out through this "cold" spell might end up with something becoming "real" - that's not using someone, that's believing they are worth the effort...



hale_bopp
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13 Mar 2011, 6:14 pm

Grisha wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
So basically you condone using her, no wonder you all have problems with relationships.


It doesn't sound to me like they have any problems with relationships beyond simple bad luck: not meeting the right one yet.

And maybe by sticking it out through this "cold" spell might end up with something becoming "real" - that's not using someone, that's believing they are worth the effort...


Basically he's going to leave her as soon as he finds someone better. How is that fair on her playing her along because he can't at the moment?

You don't seem to have a grasp on this guy Grisha. Space has been making threads for years about how he wants someone better when it comes to girls this wont last if he can "upgrade".



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13 Mar 2011, 6:19 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Grisha wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
So basically you condone using her, no wonder you all have problems with relationships.


It doesn't sound to me like they have any problems with relationships beyond simple bad luck: not meeting the right one yet.

And maybe by sticking it out through this "cold" spell might end up with something becoming "real" - that's not using someone, that's believing they are worth the effort...


Basically he's going to leave her as soon as he finds someone better. How is that fair on her playing her along because he can't at the moment?

You don't seem to have a grasp on this guy Grisha. Space has been making threads for years about how he wants someone better when it comes to girls this wont last if he can
"upgrade".


You're right, I'm completely ignorant about the history so I am probably missing some context here...

And I don't really approve of "placeholder" relationships either, you should be single if you're waiting for something better.



hale_bopp
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13 Mar 2011, 6:23 pm

Grisha wrote:
And I don't really approve of "placeholder" relationships either, you should be single if you're waiting for something better.


This is exactly what I mean. This girl is nothing but placeholder.

I'd be surprised if he can get anyone better though he sounds like an arse.



Space
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13 Mar 2011, 7:23 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

Basically he's going to leave her as soon as he finds someone better. How is that fair on her playing her along because he can't at the moment?

You don't seem to have a grasp on this guy Grisha. Space has been making threads for years about how he wants someone better when it comes to girls this wont last if he can "upgrade".

That is simply not true. I made one other thread like this I think. One. That hardly counts as "making threads for years." I don't know what I posted to gain so much scorn from you, but I've noticed that in every thread I make for the last 2 years you come in and call me a cad that no woman should be with. Maybe you should just chill out. You're not providing any insight into things...



dunbots
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13 Mar 2011, 7:30 pm

This is a big reason why I've already given up relationships. Most people don't care about the other person, they just want to be with someone to have sex with and so they can say they're not alone. :roll:



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13 Mar 2011, 7:34 pm

dunbots wrote:
This is a big reason why I've already given up relationships. Most people don't care about the other person, they just want to be with someone to have sex with and so they can say they're not alone. :roll:


I second that.
It's pretty mind-boggling when I read about people potentially ending relationships because someone gained weight.

8O


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