"Checking out" women while talking to them

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And every time I tried to go for that romantic interest, I get friend zoned.

Well, here is the question. If a girl is dressed skimpy or even so much as a low cut shirt to show off her breasts, or tight clothes to show off her body, why is she expecting not to get looked at?

I know of many neurotypical girls who dress to show off their bodies, some of them like it because of the attention, some of them are looking to have sex, and some of them do it to make them feel good about themselves. But it baffles me why women who dress that way get upset about stares that it creeps them out. If they never dressed the way they did, they'd never get a stare, plain and simple.

And the truth is, guys have been checking out women since we were monkeys. Being a guy, I always check out women, so do other guys. When a guy checks out a women, of course it's out of lust, it's how our brains are wired.

Well, to be fair,
no matter how skimpily a woman is dressed,
it doesn't change that you do, in fact, control whether or not you leer at her.



Nor do you speak for all men.
Men stare at me a lot (as do women) but that's because I'm a hippie and dress somewhat-uniquely.
It certainly isn't "out of lust", since, as you mentioned in the other thread, most men seem to be actively-disgusted by fat women.

Last edited by Bethie on 21 Mar 2011, 9:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LOL Is that Joseph-Gordon Levitt???
.

I do this too!
I live in a pair of gold aviators.
They're great for people who have problems with eye contact- where theirs is, where other people's are, etc.

Bethie I have seen you mention being fat a couple times but in your avatar (and previous one) you don't look fat at all.
I'm not intending to be an a**hole here or offensive btw, so I really hope it doesn't come across that way, but have you got BDD or an eating disorder or something?

Anyway as for what someone said up there ^ (can't be arsed checking the name or quoting), women often dress skimpily but that doesn't mean they want you totally perving over them. They must want to look attractive and must be aware that guys are gonna look, but doing it really overtly is not gonna be what they want. Well, some will appreciate that, but I don't think most would.

I mean there's a difference between dressing in a way that will attract glances and wanting random guys to leer at you

Any pictures of me that I have are exceptions from hundreds of others from the same setting which were frenziedly-deleted because they showed my body or didn't portray my face in a flattering way. In this one, I was 165 lbs or so (I'm 5'1" on a "tall" day). And as someone who's been both clinically obese and anorexic for most of my life, I'll point out that being fat and having an ED aren't at all exclusive. Plus, I don't mention being fat to elicit contradiction (if only I was thin enough where that would make sense!) but because it's a fact. I'm FAT.


Right, right, and (I'm going to get flamed for this, surely) I think the implication that you have a CLAIM or RIGHT to do something because a woman dresses a certain way is a very dangerous line of thinking to engage in, especially when you add in some of the other comments about men's supposedly-inherent "nature" and appeals to evolutionary predispositions. It doesn't require a leap of imagination to see that such logic could lend itself to defense of outright predation.

So you mean it wasnt right of me to check out and throw dollar bills at the girls wearing thongs hanging upsidedown from a metal pole on the roof of their boat?

I mean it's important to differentiate between things you wanna do and things you have a RIGHT to do.

And yeah, unless they were strippers by profession, I think most women would take offense at that.

I always make sure to take a quick look at a girl when she isnt looking then turn away when she looks at me some times they think im being creepy or shy mostly they think im being shy but im only shy around girls that I do not like

I usually look when they are not aware. I think most men do. It's usually a couple seconds. When I do it I don't mean harm or ill will or any offense, I just find them attractive and enjoy looking at them. I suppose most men have mastered the technique of making it look discrete.

This is false. Women want to be checked out, just not leered at. Most women will smile at you. You can always say something like"Gawd, you look fantastic today" to cover your tracks. People want to feel good about themselves.

This is false- noticing some stranger evaluating your body parts makes a lot of women very uncomfortable,
and even if you receive a positive "grade", the attention conventionally-attractive women get, unsolicited,
can make them feel like their bodies are public property-
in other words, NOT good about themselves.

I would think what most women want is simply to be left to go about their business like a normal person,
free of an ever-present awareness that they're being "appraised".

lolz the woman in the local music shop caught me checkin her out one time, cuz when i was lustfully gazing at her tits, she was looking me in the eye. of course she kept her smile goin on

..lmao

Well at least in OKCupid announcing that you have been checking their looks out doesn't seem to work. Can't post the link but the blog post is named Exactly What To Say In A First Message.

Average reply rate to a first message is around 32%

To first messages containing words:
Sexy - 18%
Beautiful - 21%
Hot - 25%
Cutie - 28%