Maaan, the friendzone is tough!

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^ This.

And bear in mind that is not an fair friendship , don't try to be a martyr for a friendship which is, like what hyperlexian said, newly established through romantic intention.

If you break this friendship she might feel hurt a bit , but don't be naive, she won't feel hurt more than hours because she already found what she wants on okcupid and you aren't her childhood best friend forever. You will feel sad too , maybe for hours , for days and even for some weeks, I can't tell for sure but I bet that it won't be more than that . But if you choose to remain friends with her, you'll be sad till you find the next love that exceeds this one and there's no definite time for this to happen.

100% this

Whenever someone says they want to be friends with someone after turning them down for another person they NEVER really mean it, they are just trying to make it easier for themselves and their own conscience.

OP, the most sensible thing you can do is just let this go, you are wasting your time here, the sooner you start looking elsewhere, the better for your state of mind

This is my opinion on the matter. If a girl dropped me for a loser, then I move on. If she wants to go out with a loser, I want nothing to do with her. You weren't with her for too long, so there really shouldn't be a strong bond. So it should be easier to just move on. I got rejected for losers too, and while it does hurt, they are the ones missing out, not you. If they chose to go with this loser and never look back, then forget about them and move on. After all, they forgot about you and they moved on, so return them the favor.

People say I should lower my standards all the time. What standards? I don't judge a person until I know them. What attracted me to this girl, and to every girl, is the head they have on their shoulders. She and I especially clicked because her knowledge of film is as great as mine, and she writes, while I'm a filmmaker. And then this other guy just swoops in and takes her.

I'm not a violent person. These forums allow me to vent my frustrations. I mean, when the hell will it be my turn? All these guys I'm constantly vying with could get anyone. Why do they have to steal away the person I care about?

it's cool that you bumped into someone with such a good link. Build on it, save your conversations for someone else, she's not the only girl that writes. And to be honest, I think it's more interesting to go out with a girl that you have little in common with. I could be wrong

she was only stolen if you had her in the first place. you didn't - there are no "dibs" in the dating world. she just wasn't that into you. move on to the next girl.

I keep telling myself I should give up, to avoid getting hurt. I don't listen to my own advice, and I wind up getting hurt. I mean what will it take to convince someone that I'm worthy, that I've got a lot of love to give? Girls who I have a lot in common don't want me. Girls whom I have nothing in common don't want me. Who's left? I've tried hundreds of women now and not one went past the second date, and every time I try to do something different, try to be better, to learn from before, but it doesn't make a difference.

YOu know what my fantasy is? Money. Wealth. Power. The ability to have anyone I want. And then I can do the dumping, when they don't meet MY STANDARDS. Hurt a few people like I was hurt...

i smell bitterness. which does not help mto make you more appealing for a second date.

are you in therapy? i would advise therapy if you are fantasizing about dumping people just to hurt them. that's your issue and nobody deserves to get hurt because of that.

I don't think I've ever gone out on an 'official' date. It's always happened through friend referrals. I do hope you're exaggerrating when you say you've "tried hundreds of women"

If you think that will happen, pull your head out of where the sun won't shine. As a friend, she looks at you as a eunuch, a non-sexual safe zone, and an emotional baggage handler. If you want to handle someone else's baggage, get a job at the airport. Sure, she may dump the guy, cry on your shoulder for a few months, then go back to him or another guy. If you hope for a relationship with this girl, you're in for a world of heartache on the road ahead, no matter how much of a "close friend" she says you are to her.

DING DING DING! Bethie wins a cupie doll!

She pretty much sums it up.

Seriously Brian. Don't be a pathetic orbiter.

This is not going to work. She's just not into you, and you are not her friend. If they do break up, she will likely sob to you about it, as you are her good male "friend" who is willing to listen and console her, and then she will find another boyfriend (who won't be you) and expect you to be happy for her. But of course, because you are not actually her friend, you won't be happy for her, you will be frustrated, angry, hurt, and resentful of her and again, wishing horrible things on her new boyfriend, and possibly her. Do you both a favor and tell her you can't be friends, and move on.



Commonalities don't equal compatibility. As she sense an incompatibility between you two at a lever higher than that of friendship, she very likely isn't the one for you. I don't mean to sound harsh but I think if a person with AS has not realized the need for mutual compatibility within a relationship, then they are not ready to have one. You must realize that happiness in a relationship cannot be one sided, and you cannot expect someone to be happy in a relationship just because you do things or have things in common which you think should make them happy.

You would inevitably be hurting innocent people...people not only did not hurt you, but might be nice, well intentioned people. And the people who did hurt you likely did not intend to hurt you. Yet you intend to hurt other people as a form of revenge, though it wouldn't actually get revenge on anyone.

I think you really need to do some serious self reflection. I think your perspectives on relationships, what they are, what they should be, and so on are flawed such that you lay a rocky road ahead of you relationshipwise.

Perhaps I can help you change your course towards a happier path in life.

If someone is not attracted to you or feels the relationship does not have mutual compatibility, you shouldn't hold it against them. People can't help who they are attracted to and can't help if someone is not compatible with them. It's not fair of you to demand people feel a certain way about you, as it is not fair that they demand you feel a certain way about them.

A relationship without mutual compatibility is like the relationship between AS children and the NT world. The NT world demands that the child with AS function in an NT fashion and the child with AS can't. The child with AS inevitably becomes unhappy and stressed to the point of a melt down.

If one of these women who you did not get had entered into a relationship with you, you are placing the demand on her that she be happy with you and attracted to you, which is a demand she can't meet,and thus she would be unhappy. She will start acting frustrated and short with you, and will start placing demands on you to act in a way which she is more compatible with, which you can't meet, and you will be unhappy, and the relationship will fail.

As for rejecting women, you should reject women who are not compatible with you, and you not being compatible with them is part of them not being compatible with you.

If I like a man and he isn't interested, then that isn't a man I want to be with because that's a relationship that neither of us will actually be happy in.

Stop being dishonest with yourself and women. It is a sign of profound disrespect to harbor an ulterior motive disguised as friendship.

It doesn't work: women do indeed notice that you are being dishonest and that you have absolutely no interest in being friends. They know you are lying, and they know what you are really after. The Dunning-Kruger Effect makes it almost certain that you do not know just how bad your facade of respect and friendship really is.

It is pathetic to pretend that you are a friend, when everything you say or do reveals that you are using the "friendship" as a means to an end. No one, man or woman, likes to think of their relationships being a shallow ruse, or to think that the other person is manipulating them.

Learn to not hate women and yourself. Then see how they respond.

Wow. Nicely done.