My huband’s AS is destroying our marriage

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Unless he was obsessed with porn for some reason other than to quench biological sexual desires, I don't feel it would be an AS type obsession, and therefor, I don't feel it's appropriate to blame it on AS.

For example, (I will try to phrase this appropriately for the forum) assume someone with AS was obsessed with and collected a rather common adult "toy" of a spire type nature.

The root of the fixation would usually not be any pleasure derived from using it for it's intended use, but more likely, something of a completely non-sexual and unrelated nature. It would be no different than the person who collects shot glasses but doesn't really drink, or the person who collects baseball cards and might be obsessed with the facts on them, but doesn't really care to watch baseball.

Your husband, sounds like he has a run of the mill pornography addiction. People with AS are not immune to such things. They can be alcoholics, drug addicts, or porn addicts entirely independent of AS.

Anyway, if your husband is watching pornography in the presence of his children, or where children could easily become present, I believe that endangers the children and is crossing the line and likely a criminal offence. The things available on the internet are not your old fashioned naked lady posing in a playboy centerfold, they are things that can really warp a child's mind.

Your husband needs professional counseling and if you insist on staying with him, I would not leave the children alone with him.

First of all, thank you for all of the honest replies. It always helps to get an unbiased opinion, and in this case especially from people who understand.

Okay so to clarify and answer some questions. Yes, I am clear that it is a porn addiction, and for the first time tonight, he was able to admit the same. (Previously he had just been blaming it on Aspie obsession, putting it in the same category as his thousands of CDs and so on.) I knew it was more than that because it has reached the point where it is more important to him than the family, I can't trust a word that comes out of his mouth, and it has crippled him sexually.

I was not snooping, and I don't have a problem with porn per se, thus why it was not a deal breaker in the beginning. But I do take issue when he is only capable of reaching arousal that way, intimate physical contact makes him uncomfortable, and he's surfing in the middle of the family room on the family computer while children are playing nearby. (Our daughter is 6 and and I have a 15 year old son and a 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage.)

He's a good guy, he really is. He's not a pervert and I don't believe he is intentionally trying to hurt me. But he's made some extremely bad decisions and needs help. BTW, I found us a marriage counselor today, so hopefully that'll be the first step in the right direction.

Again, thank you.