Is anyone else here like me when it comes to dating?

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Personally, I don't think cosmetic surgery is the way to go. Besides, the OP was changing himself to get friends and find a sexual partner... not to improve his self esteem.

There is no such thing as an alpha male. I've gotten laid with beautiful girls by talking about depression and science. Girls either like you or they don't and these decisions are all made up very rapidly. There's no BS philosophy Tyler Durden/Owen Cook can give you that will improve your success with women. There's no routine that will get the girl. It's all based on an interaction of the following factors: her self-esteem, your physical appearance, your social status, and money. There are good girls out there that you have to make an actual connection with, too.

Seriously, as someone that has been there, the community is 100% snake oil. Avoid it like the plague. I feel like I was better off as a 23 year old virgin than a guy that has had sex with 7 cute girls since he turned 24. I don't know how many girls I've made out with anymore. A lot? I found out that what I was seeking was not their sex, but rather their affection. The girls that you get by observing simply non-verbal communication simply by being sexual with them are not girls that are good for relationships. You say you want only sex right now, but trust me, you are wrong. After you have sex with a pretty girl a few times, your brain starts doing weird things with oxytocin and other hormones and you get attached to people you shouldn't be attached to. These girls are typically, but not always, very easy. They do not get attached. You will get your heart broken a lot.

I think you've probably improved your non-verbals to the point of where people don't think you're that weird anymore. There is nothing in PU theory for you anymore besides learning to read people. Rule of thumb: if she makes out with you, she will generally have sex with you. Maybe not right then and there, but usually after a date.

MusicProphets: I'm perfectly aware that I'll probably go "Oh, that was it?" after sex, and being a virgin definitely creates a mental block; it's easier than I make it out to be, all I need to do is let go of logic and let instincts take over. Yes I was talking about Electronic Gaming Monthly. My rating system is based on appearance. A hot blonde girl might be a 10, but I don't want her because she's probably boring. The cute artsy girl might be a 7 yet I could be very attracted to her.

TeaEarlGreyHot: No, it was mostly a self esteem issue. I hated being made fun of for it and I knew that if I didn't find myself attractive, no girl would. I don't regret it at all. My nose had a big lump of bone towards the top and it looked really weird; it wasn't just big or pointy.

roadGames: I agree with most of what you're saying. I never tried to pre-script my conversations or do any of the fake tacky BS; further engaging that part of my mind during conversation is the opposite of what I want. I only applied the concepts from it that I liked. I used pickup material not to learn routines, but to learn how to read and respond to people. RSD helped the most because that's what they focus on, even if some of it is BS (yes, the concept of the alpha male is kinda BS). I get attached to girls easily, and like I said, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Logically I want to have sex with some girls to get some experience, but emotionally it might prove difficult. Then again it may not; some girls I have great sexual chemistry with but never become infatuated with. The sex represents a milestone, but aside from that, yes, I mostly desire affection. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been deluded by pickup into thinking I want random sex for the rest of my life; I want a cute, intelligent girl that shares my interests as much as the next guy. So what was your journey like? I'm very curious to hear.

Bethie: I'm sorry if I offend you or you think I'm stupid or crazy, but this is one place where I'd rather not censor myself for polite society. I can't help that I'm obsessed with losing my virginity, or that I have some unconventional views. It's not like rating women's attractiveness means I don't view them as people.

No one here will accuse you of that.

lulz.

It's true! Ugh. You're mean.

Here's your wall of text, buddy .

It was a journey I wish I didn't experience. I got in with the wrong crowd, became much more extroverted, lost my direction and focus in life, met lots of headf*cked women, dated several of these women, and massacred brain cells through the usage of drugs and alcohol. The whole thing lasted about a year and a half. Today marks the last day I talk to any of these people. They think I got a job in a town far away and I'm moving away tomorrow. Some of them are really close friends and great people, but I simply cannot keep up with their partying. I have to entirely ditch about 10-15 people. This hurts a lot.

My life pre-PUA community involvement (Before October 2009, age 23):

I couldn't interact with girls for more than 5-10 minutes about entirely artificial things (Ex: What's your major/where do you work? Where are you from? I'd talk about my background, etc). They made me extremely nervous. Why? Perhaps something about their sexualities scared me greatly. I had no idea about the non-verbal signals they sent out. I also was not comfortable in my own skin and it was evident in my non-verbals. I had only a couple friends, each of them with their own social anxieties. Parties confused me entirely. However, I still had an idea regarding what was cool in regards to fashion, I just never dressed that way until PUA.

I had a lot of good things going on in my life at this point, though!! I was not obsessed with obtaining someone's affection and admiration. I didn't care about psychological mind games. Surprisingly, I think I loved myself more back then. I was much less depressed. I wasn't always trying to seek something. My mental life was rich with a healthy obsession with cognitive science that included various linguistic processing problems, overall theories of cognition, and my consistent rethinking of my own research. I was also always thinking about politics and involved in actual activism.

I think it's worth noting that I was diagnosed with a non-verbal learning disability at 22, which shares a lot in common with Asperger's. However, I don't think I have the same sensory or social difficulties that you guys have. My social skills are not great, but they aren't as bad as what I see on here.


Let me preface what comes next with a series of incidents that led up to joining the PUA community:

The few weeks before I graduated university, I had started freaking out that I never got laid once within my entire time at university. So, what do I do? Well, it's just my luck that there's this girl at the front desk of the library that appears to be friendly with me and she's passably cute. We BS a little bit, and boom, I ask her out. She agrees to come out and we grab a coffee. I enter into my first set of conversations with a woman that are comfortable (unsurprisingly, they are not all that dissimilar from what I do now with girls that I like). We talk for like 5 hours on the first date. I think she liked me, but I had NO idea how to bust the first move (i.e. makeout with her). So, nothing physical happens on the first date. I think she was weirded out about this. My guess is as good as anybody's.

I ask her out on a second date in the following week with "Hey let's go to the drive-in movie theater friday night." She asks if she can bring along a friend and I say that I intend for this to be a date. She pauses for a while and says "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." Like a chump, I respond with "Oh, I see. Sorry about that." I pester the hell out of this girl via AIM chat for the summer. I become depressed about this rejection. Very depressed. I'm not going to lie that the reason I became depressed about this was that this girl was physically below my standards and I failed to even get her. This drove me insane. What made me ignore her looks, though, was that she was actually really cool and fun when I got to know her! I had a huge crush on her. I still chat with her to this day.

My life within the PUA community (October 2009-February 2010):

I'm about to graduate university this semester with only one class remaining, which takes very little effort. I essentially have free time to do whatever the hell I want. As a result, I start getting close with a friend very into PUA and join him in this bizarre quest for self-improvement. What I should've been doing was studying for the GRE.

I get my first taste of what women are like immediately. I go into a bar dressed up all snazzy in a blonde sports jacket, expensive nudie jeans, and a white button-up shirt with a large collar that makes me look like some kind of Cuban drug lord. I'm getting attention from women that isn't even solicited. The first time I go out, some girl pinches my ass. Shortly after that, a group of girls asks if I can join them in their picture (presumably as the good looking guy they want to be seen next to?). I approach some random cutie with a BS line and I see it fall flat on it's face (interesting event that was a crucial piece in the puzzle to understanding female attraction). Another group of two girls tries to get me to dance with them and I have no idea what to do, so I leave.

Another time I go out with the PUA kids, some random girl approaches me on the dance floor saying her cute friend wants to dance with me. I don't know what to do, so I just kind of stand there like an idiot and say hi to the cute friend. My extremely good looking PUA friend sees this and tries to talk to the girl. He gets dancing (he's a great dancer), but nothing really happens between them. She wanted me (! !). I avoid her for the rest of the night being entirely terrified of such a cute girl while she shoots sort of sad glances at me throughout the night.

My first kiss (November 2009): I go to frat party with my good looking, PUA player friend. Ironically, we end up talking to some fat chicks at the end of the night. Since I'm drunk as hell and thinking that I ought to get this whole make out virginity thing out of the way, I talk to this unattractive girl for like 15 minutes and run some BS mystery tactic on her that ends in a kiss. In retrospect, it could've happened any other way. I avoid this girl entirely after this night.

My first date and sex (December 2009): I lookup some girl I had a huge crush on in high school on facebook. I get her number and we end up hanging out. She's still just as pretty as she used to be. We go to the movies and I makeout with her there. While I am attracted to this girl, I'm grossed out by her cigarette smoking and her mental issues (she seems extremely depressed as she cries on the first date), so I avoid having sex with her. However, two weeks later when I'm feeling horny, I call her up to hang out and we end up having sex. It's bad and I don't even get off. She tries to hang out with me later on and we do end up chilling, however I entirely avoid doing anything physical with her.

My first bar makeout (New Year's Eve): I go couchsurfing (checkout couchsurfing.org) in NYC. My host and PUA buddy (great guy that I think has pulled himself out of this PUA mess) end up getting drunk at a bar, whereas I try to stay sober because I really, really dislike the effects of alcohol on my mind. I do have a drink, though, I think.

Anyways, I start dancing around (I finally figured out how to dance!) on the dance floor by myself. This cute girl wearing a short red skirt comes up to me and starts dancing suggestively with me. I start doing the same with her. It goes on for a few more minutes, and then I go back to nurse my drink. She comes with me and I end up backing her against a wall and making out with her. She loves it.
I feel like our conversation is entirely garbage and I can't talk to this girl, so I leave her alone. She tries to get me to dance with her again, but I ignore her because our interaction felt so awkward. God knows, if I had met this girl in my hometown, I probably would've ended up having sex with her and dating her because she was so pretty. Eeek.

My first lay through a bar pickup (A couple days after NYE): Back in October 2009, my PUA friend and I went couchsurfing in NYC. We went to some bar and some girl danced with me while I was totally wasted. I leave the bar early because, once again, at that point girls made me very nervous. I did end up leaving with her number, though. Importantly, this is the week that I learned the power of the come-on signal that is eye contact. I entirely stopped focusing on what I was saying after this. If a girl wants you in a bar (or almost anywhere for that matter) and you make eye contact with her, she is going to hold it with you or smile. This was happening all over the place in NYC that week. Examples include the subway, the bar, and on the street.

Anyways, I end up having sex with this girl though a number I got in 5 minutes 2 months before and never talked to her once since before then. I don't get off once again. The date itself was lackluster and boring. I just talked about nonsense with her the whole time, I don't even remember. I knew she wanted me, though. She never talks to me again even though shortly after we hookup, I tell her to add me on fb and that I'd love to see her again.

January-March 2010: Nothing really happens. I meet a few girls that are interested in me. I get a bunch of phone numbers. Nothing comes out of them. It's OK. I got a cool job as an office assistant at a publishing company, so I don't really care.

My first lay through a party (March 2010): I meet a girl at a mutual friend's party. We end up talking about some nonsense once again. I kiss her before I leave and nothing happens that night. A couple days later, we go on a hike date. I don't really feel a connection with her, but proceed to sex anyways. I try using regular size condoms on this encounter and they don't fit on my penis, haha. Once again, I don't get off. I liked this girl's relaxed and chill demeanor, though. I ask her if we can hang out again and she promptly texts me "I don't fool around with boys I'm not dating." That's that.

On the drugs side, I am smoking weed and drinking almost two times a week now. I notice my memory recall capabilities being utterly destroyed by this habit. I continue anyways.

My first girlfriend (April 2010-September 2010): Nearly three weeks after I met the last girl, I meet this stunningly beautiful albeit crazy 19 year old girl at an "activism" party. Before her, I did not know the meaning of love. I can describe the pickup, but I think stunningly beautiful and bipolar tell you everything. I actually get off from sex with this girl and learn that I need to use large condoms, haha. I learn how to please a woman, I learn about their mood swings (her mood swings were miserable due to bipolar), and I learn about the fine line between love/hate. When I wasn't working or at school (I was thinking of pursuing an MA in Speech-Language Pathology at this point, so I was taking the pre-professional courses), I was with this girl. We spent the entire summer soothing each other's damaged hearts. We had so much in common emotionally, but so little in common on other fronts. I learned about the damage of being attached to a psychotic girl can create.

The breakup was scorched earth style. I don't know if I've felt that much pain in my life that was caused by someone I started to intensely dislike by the end. I was still addicted to her affection, sex, and kind words, though.

Post breakup (September 2010-December 2010): I start school full time again at this point. I'm hurting big time from the damage my first gf caused. I try to study, but my thoughts turn to her. We were literally talking about moving in with each other (this would've been pure hell, lol) and having kids someday. Things were moving too fast with her!!

I try desperately to meet other girls as pretty (natalie portman's face with a supermodel's body [aka slender and elegant]) as she was. When I'm not doing sh***y in my classes or being miserable about my ex, I'm out trying to meet other girls. I get a few dates with a French girl, we makeout a lot, but nothing goes beyond that because she was a relationship girl and doesn't have sex with people that don't make a connection with her. I hookup with a close friend which I later regret doing.

I start smoking cigarettes. I tried a few club drugs and a couple powerful psychedelics. I'm probably drinking almost every weekend. I'm doing piss poor in my classes because my aspie obsession has turned it's focus towards women (an awful part of life to be obsessed with!!) rather than school. I ask out every cute girl that talks to me. I think I got like 15 numbers last semester and most of them ended in rejections for the date. I made out with a couple girls and got a blowjob in an outdoor stairwell from some girl I met 15 minutes before that while trying to bum cigarettes.

That last girlfriend hurt me and I got totally addicted to the affection she gave me. I wanted another girlfriend. Bad. I don't know what gap a girl fills in for me in my life, but there's something there and it's gushing blood everywhere.

I get C's in all of my classes that semester (I finished my BA with a 3.67 GPA while taking much harder classes if that gives you an indication of how hard I fell).

I end my intentions of getting into an MA program in Speech-Language Pathology.

My father dies unexpectedly and I am now totally decimated. Everything crashes and I'm living at my mom's house.

January 2011-Now:

I have nothing going on in my life with employment outside of a garbage job at fedex. I live in my mom's house. I don't even have my own car, I share one with my little brother.

This is the most depressed I've ever felt in my life. I apply to a few cognitive science phd programs, but do not get in due to lack of funding from the department, the professor already having too many students, or my cumulative GRE score being <1300.

However, the party scene at the local university is only 10 minutes away from my mom's house. So, guess what? I spend this entire time just chasing women and fueling this obsession.

I get one really pretty girl (let's call her Veronica) after hanging out with her with friends a few times. I just fb private message her asking her out for coffee and she bites. We get along incredibly. Her personality is exactly like my own and I feel a great connection. Maybe this is my new girlfriend?

Nope. After we have sex on first date, she totally drops off the map even though I do a great job and get her off. The weekend following our hookup, I see her at a party with a very tall, good looking guy. I makeout with some girl in front of her that night. I makeout with another girl in front of her the next time I see her at a party.

Meanwhile, I meet another girl that I actually end up dating (let's call her Jess). She's so sweet and supportive with me. I, on the other hand, treat her somewhat poorly by ignoring her texts and making out with another girl, and having sex with Veronica when she comes back to me for a week. After Veronica tells me she feels like she's leading me on and refuses to hook up with me again, I dump Jess via text in an effort to transmit that pain to somebody else. How screwed up is that?

I was awful to her and she takes me back. In total, we date for about two months. I sleep at her place every night, she meets my family/dog, ex girlfriend, and we have lots of sex. I still don't feel a real mental connection with her (I want to have abstract conversations with people!), but on the emotional side, this feels really good. It's like the crack addict getting his fix after frantically looking around for it for a few hours. Getting laid is nice, but it isn't all that matters. I'd rather cuddle with some girl sometimes.

Jess and I never fight once. She's so amazingly sweet and affectionate with me. Last saturday night, I come back to her place from a party and recount a story of a girl being aggressive with me and she comments "you could've had sex with her, i wouldn't have cared." I blow up on her and breakup with her the following morning. (It turns out she didn't even mean it, she was just feeling insecure and didn't feel like she could keep me because my ex-gf was much prettier than her). She cries and I take it back, but then deliver the final blow via fb private message. I regret it entirely. We met up again last night and she rejected my apology, sweet talk, etc. I kissed her on the cheek and walked away. No emotions flared up. However, this girl loved me, I can tell. I dumped her for superficial reasons (my friends were saying "roadGames, you're better looking than her, why are you doing this?"), my own insecurities, and lack of communication ability. I was also sick of lying to someone so much pretending that I was still a student and having her assume that I was going to California for school by the end of the summer.

While I regret dumping her, this is for the better. It marks the end of my womanizing, hurting myself, and having no life. I've always had some idea of a purpose in life and it was always marked by some healthy, productive obsession regarding some facet of life. For the last year and a half, I've totally veered off in the wrong direction.

In a way that requires backwards rationalization, my breakup with Jess is more of a dumping of the party lifestyle. Emotionally, I regret it entirely, but I'll get over this. The way I end unproductive interests is by finding a better one to replace it. Right now, I'm going to begin the quest for generating internally driven happiness, applying for rolling admissions Applied Behavioral Analysis MS programs, and some way of earning money that is better than fedex. I have a huge shot of getting into one of these programs; they'll ignore my last semester no problem as I have legitimate reason for it due to the death of my father.

There's my PUA journey for you. Since you have asperger's and tend to get obsessed with things easily, venture forth with caution. You already have the right idea that it's mostly about looks. Getting plastic surgery, working out, and getting better fitting clothing was a good move.

You have been born with a gift for becoming entirely engrossed with some aspect of life. Use it wisely. Everybody gets laid at some point in their lives, everybody finds someone to enter into a serious, committed relationship with, and lots of people have sex with pretty women. When you die, people are not going to remember the pretty women you've had sex with. They will remember your accomplishments. These have nothing to do with the girls you've had sex with. Since you have Asperger's and can become focused so much on one thing that it is your world, you can easily become a world class expert in something if you let your mind do what it does naturally with the right set of interests. Live your life in a way that is natural for you.

Have you ever run into one who buys YOU things for sex?

Well in my experience, most women don't view men as prostitutes, and refer to dating them using that jargon, such as "pickup".

I'm 20 years old, virgin, I consider beauty essential and I go out with my friends frequently, but the similarities end there.

1- I'm much more interested in love than sex. I'm emotionally detached and somewhat selfish, but I still think sex is secondary. I know, it's paradoxical. And I don't even want to marry... Of course, if some attractive woman wanted a one night stand, I would oblige. But I would probably feel bad about it later: it would be better for me to date a great girl who only wanted sex after the nth date.

2- I'm satisfied with my physical appearance. I'm fairly fit and I like my face. My nose is a maybe too big, but it gives me a more manly look. I'm happy enough this way.

3- Sure, I go out with my friends at least once a month and there were some really beautiful women who, according to my "Casanova" friend, were interested in me. But I haven't learned anything from the experiences: I don't know what to say to women and I've never even kissed. I just repeat the same stupid mistakes over and over.

But if you are satisfied with the way you are doing things, by all means, keep up the good work. Our goals may not be quite the same, but you are making much more progress anyway. I wish I had your ability to change.

Your nose isn't big at all, Magnus.

The photo doesn't show, but it is bulbous. Kind of like Astérix's nose:



But I appreciate your comment. Thanks.

My eventual goal is love, I'm not some kind of soulless sex-craving machine. I want to perfect my grasp of dating and talking to girls, because I get attached to girls so easily and then I fear losing them, which causes me to eventually lose them. I want to play the field until it's easy for me. I don't want to float through life until I meet a cute girl through mutual friends and start a relationship with her; I take a proactive approach to dating. I want to get to the point where I can walk into a bar, see a cute girl, approach her, and if I like her, eventually have her become my girlfriend. When I haven't jerked off in a week, sure, my mind is going SEX SEX SEX but for the most part I do want love and affection.

roadGames, you're right, you definitely don't have Asperger's. You said "We end up having sex" many times; I've had a girl laying on my bed horny for me and not know how/be too nervous to make a move on her. To me, "We end up having sex" describes a lengthy process with many variables involved. I "end up making out" with a girl using mostly instinct, but it's tough to train my mind to do so. I'm always tempted to use LOGIC: Greet her, ask her about her major, talk about music, give her "the eyes", move in closer, put my arm around her, get right up next to her face, press my forehead against hers, kiss. But for me, it needed to be learned logically, and applied instinctively.

Will I feel empty and sad after becoming good with girls through such means? I doubt it. My criteria for success won't be how many women I sleep with, but how good I consider myself with social skills in general, including talking to girls. If I can attend any party without being nervous, approach the cute artsy looking girl, and have a good chance of dating her, I'll be 100% satisfied.

This can happen. You can get your heart broken. The best I can say is live and learn.



Umm, DUH!



What is a PUA community?



Wow, I must say, that's quite a life story. I'm sorry for your loss, something like that would put me in a mental institution. Though I'm actually quite jealous of your luck with women. I guess If I had more confidence I could be as successful as you.



Wise words my friend.



Wise words also, though not only your accomplishments, but the person you are.



So true.

Yes, my ex-girlfriend used to pay for dinner and buy clothing for me.

It's so easy to meet girls when you take care of your appearance, exhumed. The really gorgeous ex-gf of mine gave me the number of a friend that is apparently interested in me last night. Since I'm leaving this lifestyle, I can't do anything with that number. I could literally go one after another after another now. Why would I do that, though? It's so god damned empty and pointless!


Also, exhumed, I used to think about exactly the same things as you do when you're going in for that first kiss. It's just a sign of being a novice and has nothing to do with Asperger's. I needed to learn things logically at first, too. Hence why I used some Mystery Method BS routine to lose my kiss virginity.

Talking to girls itself isn't even a social skill. If they are sexually interested in you, you can get away with saying anything as long as you just plant there and keep the flow going. I talked about depression with one of those girls on the first date and STILL ended up getting laid. Talking has so little to do with getting laid that it isn't even funny.

Like I said, do not focus so much on the talking to girls. Just focus on desensitizing yourself to being in the presence of someone you are attracted to. This is done through serial approaching girls and/or going to lots of parties and being surrounded by girls. Serial approaching rarely lands you girls because you are going to be confronting social constraints (i.e. do not talk to strangers) head on. It's like playing the lottery. Even if you're good looking, your success rate to getting them to come out on a few dates and perhaps have sex with you sometime is going to be <12%.

Also, this is unfortunate but true: you need to desensitize yourself to rejection. Assuming you're going after only attractive women, you're going to get a ton of it if you aren't >6 ft. tall, do not have a chiseled jaw line, and do not have good cheekbones. I can enter a room of women and find out exactly which ones are interested in me by talking to them for a couple minutes. Sometimes I can tell merely by looking at them. If they are friendly/flirty (flirting is almost all non-verbal) with a total stranger and do things like return eye contact (aka "the eyes"), then you know they are into you. Everything is a matter of getting them isolated or just going for the kiss after that.

The only really helpful things PU theory taught me through approaching was not to attach yourself to women initially, that it's all about looks/money/her self-esteem in the beginning, and rejection game. Rejection game is basically being able to quickly detect when a girl isn't into you and just moving on. For instance, a girl giving you her phone number at a party and then proceeding to not hover around for the rest of the party is a rejection. A girl mentioning the words "schedule", "busy", or not providing an alternative time for a date that fits with her schedule when you ask her out is a rejection. A girl not returning your deep eye contact within a conversation or at least smiling is a rejection.

I'm convinced that it's not just so-called sluts that hold eye contact or give you a teasing smile very quickly. Nobody is non-verbally avoidant with a person they find attractive that makes a connection with them (trust me, I make connections with women that are friendly).

You have to just bust a move after you see a combination of friendly and suggestive. Whether that's kissing her or getting her number, it's up to you given the context.

What I really wish I gained from this was more long term relationship experience, because that's really where it's at. I hate picking up girls. 90% of it is rejection for me. The odds that the cute artsy girl is going to take me are frequently zilch and it has nothing to do with my social skills. It has to do with my looks and that's it. Want to know how I got the really pretty model that was basically a good girl (great student, IQ around 140, comes from a nice family, doesn't cheat, and forms healthy attachments)? I made some connections with her and then got physical with her really fast. She loved it. She didn't let me kiss her until the first date, but still, we were in very close proximity and she was sitting on top of me basically. This idea that you have to court a girl before taking her on a date is nonsense.

This is why I have to run through so many hordes of women to find an attractive one that wants me. I can be getting along amazing with them, making them laugh, but an opportunity (you don't create opportunities to escalate, the woman does) to progress forward never presents itself. I'll signal my interest non-verbally through eye contact and they'll look in the other direction and not smile. I'll use proximity and they will actually move away at the subtlest hint of closing the space or maintain closed body language. It's nice to be able to just walk away from this without verbalizing any interest in her and embarrassing yourself with subsequent rejection.

Some more pieces of advice:

Do not try to manipulate women or people in general. PU theory frequently espouses manipulation. It doesn't work.

When picking up women, the ones that want you are there for you to lose. You will discover that there is bare minimum level of social skills. It's so minimal that you could program an attractive humanoid robot to learn these skills and after the training period ends, he would be able to have sex with <12% of the women he approaches just like Paul Janka (the only PUA that understands getting women is simply a numbers game completely out of your hands).

Get to know her as a person. All of this alpha male stuff is BS because she mentally submits to your dominance (if we are even to consider this within some sort of dominance paradigm, which is BS altogether; she wants to kiss you because she thinks you're cute!) when you kiss her. My ex-girlfriend was into body builders and muscular guys. These are guys with lots of testerosterone and "alpha" behavioral characteristics (loud and obnoxious, extroverted, like to dance, etc). The only thing I share in common with such guys is that I have very broad shoulders. If we were to engage in a deadlifting competition, those guys would have me beat by at least 180lbs. How did I get her? It was because my face is a lot prettier than a lot of those guys and she noticed that I actually cared about her. She could get those guys for a few brief sexual encounters only. It was also because I'm better looking than she is (this sounds arrogant, I know). That relationship could've gone on for a while due to that last fact combined with me actually caring about her.

You know which guys are the most successful with women? The slightly androgynous guys with clear jaw lines yet baby face features that actually care (or at least appear to :/ ) about women. They aren't badasses. A lot of them are frequently skinny and not exactly muscular. Not surprisingly, a lot of them care about women and are therefore serial monogamists.

I don't think there is anything more I can personally write on this subject. Don't get too attached, have a life outside of women, and have fun (one and three are easier said than done).