Do guys think they'd be better off as woman with AS?

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This question seems simple and straight forward, but it's really very complex. Maybe if Asperger's symptoms were consistent and predictable, you could say it's easier for men or women, but that's not the case. There are dozens of variables. And then there's the individuals ability to cope and/or blend in.

Compared to some Aspies, I've had it pretty easy. But not because I'm a woman, more because I have mild symptoms and I figured out how to blend in more than a decade before my diagnosis. I've had a few incidents, but the NT in my life generally wrote them off as quirks.

Same for me. If anything the only times I fit AS stereotypes are when I am alone and dont have to deal with acting normal. People just thought of me as unique.

Not at all. Woman have all these rules to deal with. AS makes it hard enough, the rules along with that would kill me.

This is kind of a nuance of the question you posed, OP, but I think (in very general terms) from a romantic perspective:

Aspie woman/NT man = less complicated path to happiness

Aspie man/NT woman = more complicated path to happiness

Aspie woman/NT man
NT men are not on the prowl for emotionally complicated women (unless that emotionally complicated woman lives in a smokin hot body). Aspie women seem to be less complicated - or at least appear so - because they're more straightforward in their communication style. They're less likely to play those emotional games NT women get blamed for playing so often - and that NT men hate. Based on the Aspie women I know and the posts I've read, they also tend to be a bit less hung up about sex. Many of the Aspie women I know seem to be quite kind and nurturing, and don't feel marginalized when guidance is offered by their mate. Overall, quite a win for an NT man.

The NT man in the relationship is able to read the Aspie woman's demeanor and emotions well enough to understand when to back off; he knows how to be emotionally supportive, but will take direction from his mate; he's comfortable providing guidance; he doesn't want to talk about his feelings all the time, and is grateful that his mate isn't overly interested in that, either.

These are broad generalizations, and it doesn't mean that this type of relationship doesn't require work and understanding and compromise and all the rest. Just that I suspect there's a better basic "fit" between an Aspie woman and an NT man.

Aspie man/NT woman
Obviously, NT women have greater emotional needs (even the healthy ones). I don't even know if "emotional need" is the right phrase....I mean, everyone has emotional needs, and there's a difference between being "needy" and having needs. But I think that NT women typically have a need for a deeper emotional connection with their mates. That's not necessarily easy to find with any man, regardless of his neurology. I know that's possible to find with an Aspie man (I know people who have), but it seems like a lack of communication skills is consistently the biggest barrier I've observed to making that connection. I've seen so many posts by Aspie men who are afraid of saying what they feel; afraid to say they don't know how to express their feelings; afraid of how they'll be judged for expressing their feelings; believe it's a sign of weakness to express a feeling; the list goes on and on. The tragedy is that being unable and/or unwilling to communicated thoughts, needs, desires, etc. to a partner is typically the very thing that blocks the formation of a deep emotional connection.

Added to that are some very stereotypical ideas of masculinity that I see expressed by a lot of Aspie men....the idea that only "alphas" are appealing to women; viewing taking direction as a sign of weakness; somehow thinking that they're supposed to "know" how to be a good partner - without ever having been in a relationship - that prevents them from admitting what they don't understand to their partners; refusing to acknowledge flaws that impact the relationship.....etc. I think the kind of NT woman who may be attracted to an Aspie man is someone who is more nurturing, and therefore potentially more emotional, more in need of a deep emotional connection with a partner....which seems less of a "natural" fit with an Aspie man. However, an NT woman may also be better suited to "read" an Aspie partner, understand how healthy relationships work, and if she's patient, be able to provided guidance to her Aspie man to help him develop relationship skills.

Again, these are broad generalizations. I think any relationship can work if both partners are committed to nurturing the relationship, and growing together as a couple. Some relationships take more effort - but they can certainly be worth that effort.

Probably. I've been criticized a lot throughout my life because I don't fit the typical male stereotypes. I don't try to sleep with every girl I see, or attempt to dominate other males in sporting events. People are surprised when I don't want to help out when other people are working. I would probably be much more accepted as a woman.

No we are not more accepted! I am 35 and still shunned by mine. Whilst I have had relationships, I have not had a friendship in 18 years. As for my relationships...they last a short time and then fail. Either I attract men who just seem to want sex or I drive them away with my constant need for routine and sameness lol. Not to mention my inability to read them properly and all the arguments that causes lol.

I have decided to stay single. That way at least I get more time with my hobbies.

@HopeGrows: That's an interesting read, and it does explain quite a few things between the differences really well...

Can I ask you a few more questions that are similar to your post?

What about AS man who meet an NT woman who has a brother or a male relative who has AS? Are they more understanding then an NT woman with no experience to this?

Also, with AS woman who tend to be less interested in the sexual nature, is this because of the NT male having a sex drive that would be considered to Aspie woman too much? I'd love to know why Aspie woman have less of a sexual appetite and how they react to the more emotional side to the relationship compared to Aspie men.

Thank you in advance.

Thanks, @Starlight-Supernova....I usually deliver when it comes to interesting.

I want to clear something up though. I didn't mean to imply that Aspie women are less interested in sex - just that they seem to be less hung-up about sex. I've seen more Aspie women here who are completely down with viewing sex as a biological urge that doesn't necessarily have to involve an emotional connection than I have among my NT gfs. (For the record, I'm one of those who are "hung-up" - I really can't separate love/sex - I don't want sex without an emotional connection.) There's no judgment implied, either - everyone has a right to their own view about sex and how they use their own body.

In terms of asexuality, low sex drive, etc. in Aspie women, I don't think there is a clear link between that and Asperger's - lots of Aspie women have high sex drives. But beyond physical intimacy, sex can involve emotional intimacy (I don't mean too sound too clinical here - just acknowledging that lots of people can have sex without emotional intimacy). I think that Aspies of both sexes can have difficulty with the emotional intensity of making love - that it involves a lowering of emotional barriers that can cause a type of overload and require a kind of emotional "refractory" period. That could explain incompatibility between the desire for sex between any given NT and Aspie. There's also co-morbid conditions that can impact anyone's sex drive.....it's a very delicate desire.

As far as your question about AS men and compatibility with NT women who have Aspie relatives - sure. I'd imagine having an Aspie relative would increase understanding of Aspie behaviors in the relationship. But that really depends on the individuals involved. For example, when was the Aspie relative diagnosed? How did the family respond to the diagnosis? Was the family functional? Did they educate all members of the family about Asperger's? Was there acceptance of the relative? Experience can go both ways you know? You can be attracted to someone who is like a relative because you love, respect and understand that relative for all of his awesome qualities. Or you can be attracted to someone who is like a relative because people often try to work out unresolved issues from their childhoods with people who mirror the qualities of the person at the core of those issues. That's usually not a good thing.

I can't stress strongly enough that communication, willingness to learn (and be vulnerable), acceptance of your own needs as well as your partner's, forgiveness of your own flaws and each other's.....those are characteristics that are probably infinitely more predictive of a successful relationship than having an Aspie relative. There's a lot of flexibility that's required to have a good relationship, and flexibility is not a naturally occurring trait in Aspies. But flexibility is like a muscle - it can become more prominent with use - and more reliable, stronger, and less painful. Just something to think about.....

If I was a straight woman of the same age and same situation as myself, I imagine I would be a lot more likely to have at least some relationship experience. I tend to stay within a predominantly male circle of math/science and philosophy people, and am cautious about approaching women.

I'm not sure there's anything more on the subject that I can say with any sort of confidence than that.

I have seen some of your previous posts and they remind me of those books you read on advice and understanding.

I see, I can understand having an emotional attachment to it (not that I have experienced a proper relationship as of yet ).

Ah I see...so it's hard to be on the same wavelength as a partner when making love...like say...someone made love and one was obviously stating their love for their partner but the other one doesn't show it (pretty much like a robot), so the two parties don't emotionally connect because of that? I can see that for myself really...as even without sex involved relationships can be strained because one partner may find it difficult to show their affection.

I've noticed that there are many factors to that combination...but it's interesting in both perspectives (good and bad) that why people would be attracted to someone like that...although I do agree it's sad for the latter situation (I am guessing it has happened and it won't be the last time either).

Indeed, but that's the rule for everyone...it's just that to Aspies, it makes us think it's like a school exam of passing or failing it.

Also we tend to have the same fricking symptoms and then get told that we have it easier. It gets old very fast.
There's more to life than how easy or otherwise you find getting laid.

Exactly. I think it gets old too. Compared to the number of threads about guys complaining about relationships and sex, there are very few of women complaining about the fact they have to look perfect, be hairless, and be feminine etc.

One guy ages ago was even rude enough to tell me that I probably didn't get bullied at school. I really don't know how some of these people come to these conclusions.

I think they fixate on one thing that's important to them: in this case, attention from the opposite sex, and conclude that since it would make their life so much better, anyone who automatically has a chance of getting it, even if it's unwanted, must have a fantastic life. They don't stop to think of the myriad other problems that people may have, or the fact that people prioritise things differently.

It seems to me that there is a fixation on dating and sex when asked the question 'do AS girls have it easier?' What about everything else? Family, friendships. I'm making assumptions here but I believe NT men are far accepting towards the spectrum than NT females. Surely if autism is more common in the male world then automatically it's more acceptable there.

Especially since Autism has been described as an "extreme" male brain, which as far as some traits is fairly accurate.

Of course Aspie women have an easier time getting casual sex- women in general have an easier time getting casual sex, because men want it more.

The only way that would translate into someone's LIFE being easier is if their LIFE was about getting casual sex.
Which, if you'll do a little investigating of the posts by people who claim women have it easier,
is exactly the case.

"Theory of Mind".

No I don't because women want different things than guys fundamentally. I'd say women have it harder.