"Women Attracted to Men Whose Feelings Are Unclear"

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Agreed. I prefer knowing where someone stands. If they don't like me, they need to say it so I can move on. If they do, they should say it so we can act on that. I've met lesbians who provided clearer signals without even knowing if I was available or interested, than some men who think they're being coy and clever.



I avoid people like that. The insult/compliment thing pisses me off, especially if someone isn't doing a dumb mating dance and is just doing it for the sake of doing it. Is it still illegal to smack people for that? I haven't checked in a while.

I get the opposite, I'm attracted to women who annoy me.

man-on-fence = manipulator

I guess it figures. If the lady knows that there are other men around, then if she's sure of one guy's affections, she's more likely to feel safe to look at the other guys, while the honest, dependable one patiently waits. The only time she's likely to appreciate a consistently attentive man is when she thinks he's the only one who's interested. Which is probably why so many of us prefer to be straight and consistent about our feelings - we don't get many offers, so we'd prefer to just know that the lady wants us without any caveats or doubts, because that would make us feel secure and confident, so we imagine that we should behave like that towards the ladies.

Feigning mixed messages probably could be used as a scam (I have some evidence that women do that to men quite often), to distract somebody with artificial complications. Personally I wouldn't bother. I already have enough genuine reservations about getting into a relationship with anybody......I'm attracted enough but there are always things that look set to blow up in my face later. And the last thing I want is to panic anybody into an early commitment.....I've known women to barge into things without sparing a thought for the future, and then I suffer for their mistakes when they realise I'm just a fallible human being.

I loathe uncertianty about anything! I must have clarity- verbal, honest feelings communicated to have attraction. If I am in the dark, I won't go fwd. one little step.

I don't think I am very usual as a female or even maybe as a human being! So, that is just me.

ESPECIALLY since I have trouble understanding things that are not spelled out to me...uncertainty can be very painful...
It is also hard on me cause I am a literal thinker.

No one even registers as a potential for me until they show they like me....
definite false in my case at least.

I guess its not surprising that Aspie women don't usually like the unclear thing. There's a bit in "Loving Mr. Spock" where she (the NT partner) says that with an Aspie you can forget the duplicitous salsa-dance thing, something like that, and when I read it, I thought "so there really is something sneaky going on in the mainstream!" It would be interesting to hear from NTs, to see how widespread these things are in the NT world.

As far as I can tell, the game of mixed messages is played by both sexes, pretty much universally, and we're the exceptions. I was taught at an early age never to conclude that I wasn't wanted just because a girl had indicated that. But it never did much good. If there was evidence both ways, I'd usually think the worst and give up.

I think there's an ego thing in the mainstream. If he admits he likes her and she rejects him then he'll be embarrassed. If he gives a hint that he likes her and she rejects him, she's totally full of herself because he wasn't even interested. And women do a similar dance because, supposedly, it keeps men interested in continuing to pursue her.

I think this article is probably being a bit too general. I think there might be a range of personal preferences about how much ambivalence/unclarity/whatever they can deal with, or even enjoy. Personally, I think I don't respond well if someone is tooo obviously into me. But on the other hand, I don't like it if someone is dicking around too much. There's a sweet spot somewhere.

I thought being direct with your feelings is what gets people out of the "friend zone"?

At least that's what some pick up artists claim.

I think that the uncertainty is a good starting point. I catch my friend's eye and realise that he's been watching me across a room full of people and he turns away because I've caught him. I wonder, what was he thinking? Does he like me? This gets me thinking about him. The more I try and fathom out the puzzle the more I think about him, the more of a connection my brain makes to him. The more I want to see him and spend time with him and work it out.

However, this can only really go on for so long. If it goes on too long, say over a period weeks or months and he doesn't make a move I lose interest and assume that he doesn't really fancy me.

Don't keep the mystery going for too long guys or you'll miss out.