in love with friend with asperger's, how do i tell him???
Suomalainen
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 22 Mar 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: Finland
Yes with time in relationship it probably gets easier. I think that for many aspies actually learning healthy relationship patterns and behavior is much easier than learning the social game in general. In relationship there is just one person you need to observe, so the attention doesn't get divided that much, and also you can learn to read one same person better over time even if your generic people reading skills are not that good, and also the situation is clearer in general, no similar need to guess if that person has any interest in you at all as in general social situation as single.
thank you again for your support!!
I met him just yesterday at college in the library, and i tried to lure him outside to have a little more privacy to talk with him. I know that a public place might not be so good, but it i feared he would be suspicious if i just invited him to visit me at my home (whenever we met at my place, it was always for learning for a specific test or paper i had to make, and since he has a very good overview over tests and such things, he knows that i not working on anything at the moment), and might have refused. we were talking college stuff, and at some point i tried to make it clear to him that i liked him very much (that is what i told him: I like you very much). his response confused me so much!! he didn't even look at me after i said it and continued speaking about what we were talking about, so i thought he did not hear it. later that day, he suddenly asked me "why is that?". first i didnt know what he was talking about, he said "you said you liked me very much, why is that?" i was very confused and didn't know what to say, luckily, two of my friends approached and asked me something and so i told him i'll talk to him later. Now i fear he might think, i don't even know what he might think, he just makes no sense to me at the moment.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas
That's kind of an apsie trait, potentially, that it takes him a little time to process it. And like the above person says, in time a person who is aspie can learn relationship skills, in fact one-on-one relationship skills are more straightforward and easier for a person who is aspie than group skills. But that is racing ahead of ourselves because the two of you do not yet have a romantic relationship even though you are interested in possibly pursuing it and taking steps in that direction.
He may have thought you liked him very much as a friend, or as a friend that's considerate and has your back regarding schoolwork.
'I think we might make a good couple.'
'If we take the medium steps, and do it right, and get to know each other, I think we might make a good couple.'
(And here's where you need to translate it for your own culture. It might be as simple as having tea at a cafe, or double-dating with another couple at a dance event, whatever feels appropriate for you. And you might suggest to him 'For example, if you were to ask me . . ., there's a reasonable chance I might say yes.' And since you set it up, he might appreciate that light touch at the end. Or not, and that's fine. Just step by step. I think you're actually doing pretty good. You have taken a medium step. Just think and feel your way to the next medium step.)
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