Has the question 'why would someone like me' ever prevented

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It's my low self-confidence that keeps me from having a relationship. *shrug* Simple as that really.

There's an australian psychologist who specialises in helping out autistic people with quite profound and complex behavioural problems. He made an amusing observation of self esteem and autism. He spoke about the non-autistic population having an ability to be able to give themselves a degree of dellusional "confidence" in order to advance themselves in life. He felt people on the spectrum didn't have this kind of ability not through any inherent deficit but because we deal too much in the "reality" of our situation as we see it and for us to kind lie and boost our confidence by percieving ourselves in a more positive light it kinda seems illogical and somewhat barmy from our perspective.

I could kinda see what he mean't by that and I kinda see that in the ways you and Purchase have kinda expressed that.

I remember having an ex a few years back who spent ages trying to convince me that I was "attractive" and I just thought she was trying to boost my ego, i kinda felt modesty was a more honest interpretation of where I stood rather then go around thinking im something I'm not. I think i'm always going to struggle with a balanced sense of self that I'm actually comfortable with and feels an actual reflection of where i stand.

Wow... that is exactly what I want in a relationship with another person (preferably a girl)! To be able for her to know that I love her, that showing my affection doesn't need necessarily result in touching each other or having sex.

I can see what he meant. It would definitely explain the "illogical" confidence of some of my NT friends OTOH it looks like our logical thinking and "inability to fool ourselves" makes us our own enemies. I also think it's very easy to slip into a negative perception of ourselves. I can't be sure about the others but I know I have a hard time accepting compliments due to the difficulties in recognizing the sincerity and true motives behind them. So not accepting any positive feedback from other people can result in kinda negative and possibly inadequate perception of ourselves. So the question is how to find that balance with our "logical" minds

I think the sincerity of when someone compliments you is if they focus on aspects of your person that are something you recognise in yourself. So you kinda have your own "evidence base" so to speak to agree with what they are saying. For example. People who are unrelated to each other (i.e. don't know each other) arrive at the same conclusions about your character from being around you and observing the way you interact with them. That kinda is less easier to dismiss then simply some random person giving you an overwhelmingly colourful feedback out of the blue.

I think its a cultural thing as well. I've grown up in a city with people who are slow to trust and part of the "street wise" skills you learn is not to accept what people say at face value and it carries on even when you are outside of this culture in other countries or other parts of the UK.

This sounds exactly like my thinking, although for a ghost, I'm an awfully visible one in my social environment.

I remember seeing a question on yahoo that was like, "Do you have people who like hanging out with you?(I.e., friends) If so, then don't worry about it -- you just haven't found the right person that you like who'll like being around you!"

And then I thought... and thought... and thought...

Nope, I don't think there's anyone who *likes* hanging around me even though I do attempt making contact on a semi-regular basis. I guess this is not looking good, lol.

(It's not actually that bad; I, more or less, just don't have enough social drive most of the time to find satisfaction from interacting with my friends, except in the case I haven't seen them in a long time.)

And, oh, I don't think of you as an annoying fly.

Sure have,and it's really a sad situation that so many of us are prisoners in our own minds like that.
Because I'm sure that at one time or other for each of us there has been an interested party of the opposite sex that thought...

'They're so hot/cute/funny/witty/kind/understanding/amazing,why are they so down on themselves?'

It did till I accidentally ended up in a relationship when I was 20. My attitude changed after that

I used to have that problem...

But what if you don't want to be attractive? I am ugly and I like it because then people won't try to date me just because I'm attractive. It has probably prevented me from being in relationships, but I don't want those kinds of relationships.

It has kept me from looking anymore. There is absolutely, positively no woman who will ever give me the time of day. Hopefully, one day before I die, someone will invent a female robot that can keep me from being so lonely.

Nope. I may not understand why people like me, but I don't let such confusion stop me if I am interested in someone.

No, although I've never actually looked. The question that always stops me is "What could I get from a relationship that would make it worth the effort?"

I have disregarded opportunities for this reason, but I don't assume that would be true for everyone. Isn't it only a question of compatibility? If I care about their feelings, and only picture them as a temporary object of lust, hurting them would only be a matter of time. If I can foresee a long term committed relationship, that is very different. I wouldn't be good for everyone, but that does not mean there isn't someone for whom I would not enrich their life. I have my faults, but so does everyone. Finding a good match often involves making up for each others' shortcomings.

I've wondered "Why would someone like someone else"? As far as I researched, it seems to do with interpersonal similarity because it provides validation/affirmation of ones feelings/perspective/beliefs/EXISTENCE/etc. and having some kind of positive emotional influence on the other person. Indubitably, this entails having a theory of mind that enables one to predict what statement/actions/etc. would have a positive emotional impact on a person and being "empathic" or "In touch with another's feelings" or something like that. So, I'm guessing people like each other because of similarity and because they can predict/understand them.

So, on that note, the question "Why would someone like me" becomes "Who is similar to me and who could I understand and vice versa?" and I don't honestly know if that person exists. And, if they do exist, could I have a "right"/"good" emotional influence or whatever....? I don't honestly know as I don't understand how one can have a positive emotional influence. I personally thought it has to do with emotional mirroring and ones' internal state needs to be "emotionally positive" in order for the other person to mirror a positive emotional state, although there's more to it than simply being "positive". I'm thinking something along the lines of... "the right" emotional state, which depends on the situation and is essentially 'normal' for that situation, or within normal variation.

That thought is just one of the reasons no one wants me.

It's not even a question I ask myself anymore. It's practically a law of physics at this point. Or biology, or whatever.

Toad's First Law: Nobody likes me. Ever.