Harassed with questions and small chats.

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hyperlexian
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07 May 2011, 9:01 am

Tequila wrote:

How would they like it if a group of men used a similar approach?

i'd get a podium and field questions like a reporter (me=attention whore). one-on-one situations is where i panic. but it does come across as interrogation, for sure.

anyways, Boo, that was some serious tag team dynamics. in my perspective they were trying (perhaps subconsciously) to throw you off balance. they wanted to get honest answers to their shallow dating questions, which are easier to get if you are slightly uncomfortable and perhaps intrigued (clearly they don't know how an aspie can sometimes react lol).

i accidentally did that to a female coworker once, when 2 other people were sort of teasing and flirting with her. she snapped at us, actually, because we pushed it too far without realizing what we were doing (like, we told her how cute her dimples are, which crossed a line). she seemed to panic in that situation, and she is NT (perhaps with some form of learning disability). i felt bad and apologized, but it all blew over and we went back to being friends.

Boo, it sounds like you held your cool, which might make those women seek out a different target next time. try to remember that people get caught up in the moment and act funny when they are in groups. the girls might be perfectly nice if you separate them.

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Jono
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07 May 2011, 11:38 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Ok, I am cheating my WP fasting....whatever, but I am home now anyways.

Every once in a week , I am being introduced to some part of the new company that I am gonna work for after 2 months (CRM manager). Today, it was the customer care department: 1 man (the head of dept) and 4 girls.

Everything was going smooth with the guy, explaining me their work process and everything but he had to leave early, so he delegated his assistant to resume the introducing.

The assistant (girl 1) was fine, mature and pro and told me everything, she told me to watch how they deal with the calls and issues live. She looks like the oldest one.

There weren't many time (friday, late time at 5:30 pm) so the three other girls starting chatting me and asking me silly questions.

Girl 2 : Hi, I am xxxx, what's your name?
Me: xxxxx
Girl 2: my name is xxxx (full name)
Girl 3 (a veiled one): *sighing* , i like that name, I was with a guy with such name but helas we're not longer together.
Me: *nods*
Girl 4 (the most aggressive): how old are you?
Me: 29
Girl 4: Are you taken?
Me: No
Girl 4: Why???
Me: Didn't meet the right one (so cliché I know).
Girl 4: I am not taken too! "Are you set"? (= mzabbat 7alak?, a local term usually means "are you ready to marry?" MCleavera would understand that)
Me: (played the dumb) , what??
Girl 4 : I mean, do you have a place of your own?
Me: Not yet,but I hope soon after I start here.
Girl 2: Do you have a car?
Me: No.
Girl 2: How do you go from one place to another?
Me: Taxis or I use my car's dad sometimes.
Girl 2: good ,I have no problem! (with a big smile)

***here I started geting really confuzzled)**

Girl 4 : What's your shoe's size? (asked out of the blue)
Girl 3(the veiled) looking at her slightly shocked

Me: Well...I think it's between 35 and 49, depends on the weather.
all of them: *giggles.*
Girl 2: Where do you live?
Me: xxxxxxxxxxxx
Girl 2: oh I live just 2 streets away!...

and ..bla bla bla bla? ...
..bla bla bla bla? ...
..bla bla bla bla? ...

They kept that for about a half hour, questions , questions , questions, personal questions, one of them even asked me to show her my pics on my iphone, the other gave me her full name (girl2) to add her on FB.

It was a nightmare. I am glad that I am not going to work with them in the same room because I would end up either raped or committing suicide.

Have you ever been in a such situation when a girl(s) started approaching you in a such annoying way?

**going back to WP fasting***

Women actually do that in Lebanon.

I wouldn't expect women to try and pick up men like that in a predominantly muslim country.

I guess, to be fair, Lebanon is actually one of the more liberal muslim countries.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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07 May 2011, 12:05 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

. . . Boo, it sounds like you held your cool, which might make those women seek out a different target next time. try to remember that people get caught up in the moment and act funny when they are in groups. the girls might be perfectly nice if you separate them.

Also true. A lot of social dynamics going on at the same time.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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07 May 2011, 12:12 pm

willem wrote:

Just tell them you're autistic and their questions make your head spin. Then either they'll lose interest or they might actually be worth talking with.

If you can't or don't want to do that, you could try speaking slower. That would give you some sense of space, and could cause the girls to speak slower also.

I generally like this. Wow, this is very intriguing, daring advice. Yes, disclosing that you are autistic even in a light, matter-of-fact way where they are not sure whether you are joking or not, is a gambit. Is taking a risk. It might be a risk worth taking, just not going to work every time, sometimes will be awkward and embarrassing.

Now, the part of slowing down and they will slow down, too, I think is good advice. It generally takes advantage of the mirroring principle, nonverbal, nonstated, right-brain. Again, won't work every time.

Social interaction by very nature inherently imprecise and inexact (need to remind myself of this from time to time).

zen_mistress
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07 May 2011, 4:05 pm

Well, while the Q & A session would have been pretty annoying, it is a good sign as it shows some females are interested at least. Perhaps you could answer their questions, one of them might have been interested, or been thinking of fixing you up with a friend or something.

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MCalavera
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07 May 2011, 7:52 pm

Jono wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Women actually do that in Lebanon.

I wouldn't expect women to try and pick up men like that in a predominantly muslim country.

I guess, to be fair, Lebanon is actually one of the more liberal muslim countries.

Lebanon is not predominantly Muslim.

It's about half half.

Vivienne
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08 May 2011, 1:08 pm

I've had this problem with men 'hounding' me.
To me it sounded like they were making sport of you.
You gotta find a way to shut them down when that happens.

The persistent ones can be difficult - ironically they don't pick up on our social cues that are screaming "who are you? back off. you're boring me. I'm tired of talking about this". And avoiding eye contact usually works with a single individual, but with many it doesn't.

Try being rude.
Or being overly professional.
Or just say straight out: "Ladies, thanks for the chat, but it's time to get back to work. What's the assignment?"

I sympathize, it's really awkward and horrible when you're stuck like that. Major suckage.

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Chronos
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08 May 2011, 11:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Thank you for illustrating the fact that not all guys are so receptive to girls approaching them and socializing with them.

They probably thought you were handsome, and a lot of young women who lack maturity like talking to good looking guys as much as guys like talking to good looking girls, regardless of whether or not they want to date them.

Chronos
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08 May 2011, 11:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Keeno
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12 May 2011, 10:20 am

This would have felt like an interrogation to me too, were I in your shoes. I really don't like these conversations where there is quick fire questioning, with the next question being asked when I haven't even finished answering the previous one.

Octoman
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12 May 2011, 11:24 am

They might as well as asked about your life story. Goodness!! ! Would they in reply want you to reply by asking the same questions back? Wow you were able to handle multiple people talking to you at the same time with all of those random questions. I definitely would be melting and wanting to hide for the rest of the day.

Lene
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12 May 2011, 3:22 pm

Ah, cringey. But I'd take it as a compliment-ish. Girl 4 seems to like you (or her friends at least think you two would make a good match). Be polite if you're not interested and they'll soon find a new victim.

The_Face_of_Boo
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13 May 2011, 3:29 pm

MCalavera wrote:

Jono wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Lebanon is not predominantly Muslim.

It's about half half.

Exactly, and I am not sure about the girls (except the veiled one), but the guy was certainly Christian (wearing a cross pendant).
However, the area around the company in specific is predominantly Muslim.

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