Need advice from female Aspies

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chocolatebutterfly
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Joined: 17 May 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 3
Location: North Carolina

18 May 2011, 2:30 am

Your girlfriend sounds exactly like me even down to the enjoying playing but not watching sports. You are a great boyfriend. I tell my boyfriend all the time that I do not see how he does it. I give him hell and I do not even realize it as I am doing it. Your girlfriend is a smart girl. she may alraedy know what Aspergers is, plenty of people have tried to politely tell me they thought I had it thinking I would laugh at the name or think that they were crazy. Maybe you can help me. My boyfriend gets upset with me because he thinks I am not romantic enough when asking for sex. What types of things do you like to hear or have done because everything I do is wrong. Also on a scale of 1-10 how bad is it to ask my boyfriend to have sexwith me on commercial breaks because I am bored, because I think he was seriously over-reacting.


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JuniperPearl
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Joined: 1 Jun 2011
Gender: Female
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02 Jun 2011, 7:35 am

I read your post with great interest. I am a female Aspie and i often do not come across male NTs writing about their Aspie love interests. So it is a refreshing change.

If your girlfriend is indeed an Aspie, she will most probably be quite interested in discussing her "condition" with you. Aspie usually possess higher than normal intelligence. She may already suspect that she is not like most people but has never been able to put her finger on it to be absolutely sure. However, if and when she does embrace the fact that she is an Aspie, she may end up doing a lot of research to find out as much as possible about it (like me).

The reason for such a reaction is that most Aspies are very logical and will welcome any logical solution or approach to their problems. If she loves and cares about you, she will be motivated to solve your relationship problems. But her approach will most probably be different from yours. We just don't think like NTs.

As I am not a male, I cannot speak for male Aspies. But I can tell you that as a female Aspie, I am very emotional when I fall for a guy. The feelings that I feel can be very intense and I can be very very passionate. For example, when I kiss, nothing else exists but that moment. I pour my entire self into it. Because of this. the guys I have kissed tell me I am an amazing kisser. The interesting thing, however, it that i am extremely selective about whom I kiss because as an Aspie, I don't really like to be touched by people. I dislike being nudged, especially, or being tapped on the shoulder. So, I tend to keep most people at arm's length. The thought of exchanging bodily fluids with another human being (eg: saliva) actually irks me.

Dating and being in a relationship is not easy for Aspies. Especially girls. It is easy for guys with bad intentions to take advantage of us bcos we aren't very good at reading body language. We can't really tell if a guy is hoping to get all physical with us especially if all we are looking at is just a friendship. The blinkers are on 24/7.

For example: my martial arts instructor had the biggest crush on me. It got so obvious that it really started to annoy my best friend who was in the same class with me. She said it was embarrassing. But i simply couldn't see what she was seeing.

It is a rather scary and awful feeling having to go through life this way. Not really sensing or seeing things are they are. I am still struggling with this and it has affected my self-confidence a lot. I don't know if i am reading people correctly so I have a hard time presenting myself to them.

Anyways, I am here is you have any more questions you'd like to ask. I hope I was of some help.