well, it's official

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Why shouldn't he? He bought everything.
That's the bigger issue financial dependence, @ 40.

Yeah, he can just snap his fingers and be self sufficient. Just that easy.

Well, it's a good reason not to be interested for most women. And it has motivated me. I need more independence.

He hasn't bought EVERYTHING for me.... currently he about breaks even on me.

I don't think his supporting me means that he should run my life.

I agree. Even though he paid for it, he shouldn't be so suppressant and dictatorial. It's much more productive to allow you to have a semblance of autonomy.

First of all, we don't know the circumstances under which the ports were cemented over. Was the pornography overwhelming his life? Is the father just a prudish pornography-hater? Was cementing over the ports the only way the father knew how to save his adult son from an addiction? Was cementing over the ports a frantic and controlling act of abuse to isolate his adult son? We don't know the answers and Frieslander is not obligated to answer any of these questions. These details are none of our business. So, whether or not the father should have done what he did is not the issue. The issue is whether or not things in his life should stay this way now that Frieslander can articulately describe himself as a healthy, independent man capable of making rational decisions in his own best interests. The issue is whether or not he can salvage the interest of a woman for whom he has affection while he straightens out these limitations.

The girl might be a lost cause but I know once he gets this mess straightened out, he'll have more options. She can be heralded as the inspiration to get his butt moving and fix things in his life. Sometimes people are in our lives just to be angels like that and they're a sign of good things to come.

Well, I was somewhat addicted, but I don't believe I am anymore. Some turn to alcohol; others turn to porn. I think that the OCD had something to do with it, and that the Lexapro is reducing it. I was on some sites that were sex hook-up sites but I would never use them again I believe.

I really had some great online chemistry with this girl - the best I remember ever having. We're both shy, but can get going talking quite a bit at times.

And, my parents' belief is that ANY porn is wrong. I don't believe that. They believe the what Jesus said metaphorically in the Bible in a simple way - that if your eye is causing yoiu to sin, pluck it out. If your computer is leading you to sin, get rid of the internet connection. But a computer is used for so many more things than that, and I am past the addiction stage, I think.

Frieslander, you are using phrases like "i think" and "i believe", so it sounds like you are personally uncertain as to whether you still have an addiction or compulsion. that doesn't bode well for your ability to convince other people (like a judge or your father) that you should be allowed to regain control over your own affairs.

my advice to you is to discuss this situation with your mental health professional and get expert advice as to whether you are ready to have that much control over your life at this point.

As far as the porn goes - is that reason for the judge to allow my dad to remove the internet privileges from home?

Guardianships are based on whwehter a person a person can make legal decisions. I can. The mental health agency with which I work thinks so, too.

your father can make that decision about the internet... IF your father is your landlord, or if he owns the property, or if the rental agreement is under his name, or if he has guardianship of you.

you have to have control over your own affairs and be living in a residence under your own name in order to have that internet decision back in your hands.

Fixed that. Neither landlords nor property owners have a say in how you conduct your personal affairs so far as they are legal. In fact, it is a violation of tenant rights for a landlord to impose personal beliefs in such a way. However, exceptions exist. For example: if the internet is in his father's name or if specific moral terms were written into the rental contract and agreed to by the tenant.

But right now his father needs none of that and it's all a moot point. He has the guardianship, which means he has all the authority that he would have if his son was 12.

Plus, very few people on earth actually have my disposition where they can write off a parent and never look back. A lot of people will continue to care about and care for parents despite disagreement or even blatant wrongdoing and abuse. They will seek to make amends when necessary and will surrender their rights for the sake of the offender being their parent. If Frieslander is of this forgiving disposition, especially since his parents were there for him during a time when he needed a guardian, he probably is not too concerned over the actual legalities of a landlord/tenant relationship. I think he just wants his internet back and the ability to live independently without this monkey on his back.

you're correct, it is different in canada. here you need landlord permission (most grant permission in the lease but they have the right to deny it).

however, if Frieslander's name is not on the lease, he still may not have the right to make decisions regarding installation, as the laws in the u.s. just cover the tenant's rights, as far as i could tell. is the tenant any person living in the residence or is it the person on the lease?

i think Frieslander needs to get his own affairs under control on a more global scale so that he can have some independence in all aspects of his life - if he is ready for that.

Addicted or not.

Diabolic or not.

Harmful or not.


You're 40 years old.

You're very adult.

How functional you are? Can you work? Can you drive? Can you walk alone in the street without getting lost or killed?

If you're functional then your father isn't supposed to dictate how to live your life.

I completely agree and I'm glad there's a fire under him to get it done.