the kiss test (a how to for aspies and dating)

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That little nugget has been well stored in my memory bank many times. Might it be worth even avoiding Frenching altogether?

Eh yes. I didn't realize this was such a big mystery? A touch, a look, and a quick kiss. Maybe on a second date. I wouldn't recommend going past hugging on a first date, unless it went really really well.

But that just doesn't happen. Therefore I never kiss someone, although I like it a lot. People don't ask, and you may not force a kiss onto someone. In the Netherlands an involuntary French kiss is an act of raping. No French kisses in the beginning.

One kiss can mean nothing but courtesy and thanks for the dinner. I always feel bad about pulling away but if they try for a second kiss I usually stop them if I'm uninterested. I think its sweet to ask and there's no questioning of "is he really interested or just being nice?"

I prefer for people to ask first so I feel like I have input. I'm told it's unromantic but I care not.

it was quite cool - it was a multi-step question:

him: would you be offended if i told you i wanted to kiss you?
me: no
him: may i kiss you?
me: yes

Awwww. ^.^

For some reason, I can't say hard C or hard K sounds when I'm nervous. So when I'm trying to ask a guy if I can kiss him, I sound like an AK 47. "C-c-an I k-k-k" and I get flustered and ask if I can "nom their face" instead. I'm told it's incredibly adorable. I think it's embarrassing.

that IS adorable! if someone asked to "nom my face" i would die from the cuteness!

That's the response I get. It kinda works because I got a baby face but it'll be awkward when I get older.

i'd swap "may i" for "i want to".

But that may sound a bit forceful based on delivery. I'd prefer "may I" as it sounds more polite.

The vast majority of women want thier man to be a man at least on occasion. I would argue that asking usually spoils the mood and puts you into the male friend catagory rather than the potential partener catagory.
You can have both with a partenership that starts romantically but the best freinds suddenly realize that the are in love with each others is just a residual delusion from romantic comadies.

In anycase by not asking you are communicating several things, among them are confidence and the idea that u are interested enough to take some risk and show it openly. These will pretty near always work in your favor.
If u feel u must ask then do it in a unique mannor, something memorable.

i would not say that most women feel that way, even from reading this thread. a quick internet search will show you that it is not a universal thing. in this day and age, with such a public concern for what constitutes consent, it is a really good idea to verbally check it out first. if a guy asks a girl, he is still making the first move, if that is what is important. he is no less a man for asking, and to be honest... it is sort of chivalrous in a strange way.

here are some interesting articles:

http://thetakeback.com/?p=553
http://community.feministing.com/2011/0 ... r-consent/
http://www.mademan.com/mm/how-kiss-first-date--21.html

only one man ever asked me if he could kiss me, and it was definitely memorable. i don't think it is necessarily a requirement for every single time a couple kisses, but for the first time it was quite lovely - like, he wanted confirmation that i really wanted him, instead of just assuming.

quite

This topic has given me more grief than I care to admit. Since I'm fairly recently recognizing that I may be an Aspie (not formally diagnosed), looking back on the last 10 years or so just makes me want to bury myself in a sand pit. I have had more "surprise kisses" than non surprise - and I have NO IDEA how to react to these things. My friends would all get exasperated with me and I have been asked many times "what does he have to do to prove that he is into you? Kidnap you to a deserted island and have his way with you?" I just don't pick up the signals, to the point that it seems like I am deliberately misreading them. And the couple times I DID manage to pick up signals (which was more of me conceeding to what my room mate said than my own actual perception), I then had even less of an idea how to handle it. I have even gotten into a couple situations where guys have asked - politely - if they can kiss me, and even though I did not WANT them to kiss me, I thought that was just what people did to discover if they liked it or not. Needless to say, awkward for all involved. And that eye contact thing....why do people think its so sexy to forcefully maintain eye contact while going in for the kill? That is predatory behavior, and in most animals with any sense of self preservation, will result in the "fight or flight" response (or should anyway). It is not "sexy", it is a threat. It just makes my skin pack its bags and leave, and I want to yell at them "STOP STARING AT ME, you ridiculous creature!! !! !!" while I am running away. UGH.

In one way, it seems to me that it would be better to NOT know it was coming (theres practically no way that I'd pick up on it anyhow, though I have become VERY wary of attempted proglonged eye contact : / ), and just get it out and over with, whether it works or not, than to have it drawn out. I can have a complete and total freak out in the 3 seconds between him asking and me answering, whether I want him to kiss me or not. Any way you look at it, dating is a pain in the a$$ lol

The guy I am with now has been 7 years worth of patient. He knows me better than even I do, I think. After 5 years of getting my guard down and earning trust, he very simply asked me, in such a way as to there was no mistaking his intent (thank you GOD), if I would allow him to take me on a date. He knows that it is MUCH easier for me to communicate through writing (in this case, text messages), than in person or verbally, so when I agreed to go he made it very clear, in black and white, that the ball was in my court. He would take me to dinner, and he would like to have physical contact in the form of a hug or even a kiss, but that would be up to me. On that first date, I did not end up desiring any physical contact. Nor did I for the next 3 months of dating. But I enjoyed being with him, and I was attracted to him - I just normally do not care to be touched. One day that just fell away with him, and we have been together for 2 years now. Its actually funny, since he is pretty much the only person on the earth that I am comfortable being touched by, he has kind of become my security blanket. He deals with this amazingly well, I have no idea how he handles me the way he does.

So, it is possible.....I know I'm very lucky to have someone like him. But if we broke up for whatever reason, just the mere thought of trying to date again sends me off to my mountain top. Its just so freaking difficult, even if you are a "normal" person.

Lol, that's how I do it... I can't handle uncertainty and I have a very difficult time discerning how the other person is feeling so I just cut to the chase and straight up ask them... Perhaps I should be a bit more tactful...

Have to give the OP's suggestion a try though, it sounds daunting.