have you ever been a target of a PUA (pick-up artist)?

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Have you every heard of this saying forewarned is forearmed. Advance warning and knowledge provides an advantage!!
If you know the tricks of PUA then will have the knowledge to counter its effects.

well, i guess the thread might actually be pointless if i'm indeed the *only* person on WP who fell for a PUA.

i don't know whether it is completely possible to warn against the tricks of PUA or not, as the techniques evolve, are situationally specific, and tailored to the traits of the PUA himself (or herself). and i can see people getting upset about posting the specific techniques because it can easily come across as providing tips for future manipulators. i have mixed feelings about it.

but really, is it possible that i am the only person who was been at the receiving end of PUA stuff and ended up falling for it?

I've had to put up with games from a PUA. He was abusing his power. Had all the ladies pining for him and he made me his prime target. Ended up turning the ladies against me too! Of course, he's innocent though... I kept quiet and went along with it just in case he was a psycho. Didn't let him do anything to me other than his manipulative game but I grew so tired of him that I was happy when he left. I feel sorry for the ladies who may have thought he actually liked them but how they treated me over him really upset me so I know who not to be around.

I don't know If I was ever a target of an effective PUA, my Dad taught me (actual sit down lessons) how to manipulate people and situations so I don't know. I do know that before I met my bf that I was starting to think that if I ever wanted children I'd have to go it alone because many guys seemed to be dangerious jerks, the ones who weren't were rare and usually were not interested in me in that sense.

I remember a guy who sat on my leg a good few times and then (because I moved my leg out from under him each time) he said I was the rudest person he had ever came across. I regret not breaking his nose so that he could understand what could truly be construed as rude. Is this a form of PUA?

i have to say i really don't know. was the guy trying to get you into bed?

I think that it's highly probable that you are not the only one, I think that others are probably feeling bad about being taken in and thus are probably not ready to share their experiences. Also, victims often blame themselves, I doubt that being the victim of a PUA is any different in that sense.

With our difficulties socially it's actually difficult to distinguish between us getting it wrong and someone using/abusing us mentally. Thus there are probably a lot of Aspies who don't know that they were victims of a PUA to their emotional detriment because they blamed themselves instead of the PUA.

I think it would be a good idea to post what PUA's do because even though there is a fear of educating a potential PUA it would be better to educate people as to identifying them. Potential PUA's would seek out the information somewhere but I don't know where people are being educated as to how to identify them.

those are all very good points. thank you for explaining why my posts has only seen tumbleweeds and crickets (i.e. silence) from the fellow targets. you know, i have been reluctant to use the word victim, but i suppose it fits.

i sometimes forget that it is intimidating to post on a board where you know people are going to gawk etc.

i think you may be right about posting what PUA do, so that women and men are better armed against it. not a "how-to seduce" guide, but more of a "field guide to spot PUA".

I don't know, I told him I'd had an argument with my boyfriend (at the time I was single) and was in a very bad mood so could he please leave me alone. So he left me alone.

I was actually in a very bad mood because he kept on sitting on me but I was told by the girls I was invited out with to "please don't start any fights" and I wanted to be able to go out with socialising with them again. Sadly, despite being on my best behaviour they didn't invite me out with them more than twice more.

i have been mulling and considering this, and i realy don't know. to me, it sort of boiled down to this question:

if someone uses manipulative/dishonest tools to commence a relationship, and the relationship ends up being mutually beneficial, is there any harm done?

i honestly really don't know. what do you think?

that is so interesting... it's like you were supposed to be so thankful that he chose you (Pikachu!) instead of those other girls, and everyone in the situation had some kind of weird angle.

That. A few times actually.

As said before, a manipulative family and misogynistic father trained me pretty well. But you must take into consideration that I never liked flirting or getting compliments and what's usually seen as "courtship" either bores or irritates me. Any kind of demonstrative or manipulative act - back handed or over the top compliments, passive aggressive or insistent behaviour, "negging" etc would just bring the interaction to a short halt and instantly make me dismiss the person for good - it never ever occurred to me there's something wrong with me because someone I hardly know is acting like a douche. I can't even wrap my mind around the reason why so many people think that others mistreating or insulting them is a reflection of their own worth/value



I don't think this is possible, not in the long run. I've seen quite a few relationships starting in a dishonest fashion and then taking a more "normal" route but none of them lasted. I actually think that the way a relationship begins *can* be quite telling about the way it evolves (I'm not referring to the form here but the fond)

hun first off this is a great thread *give you a high five* ((((hugs))))

mmm..I think what the question is hear what do we define manipulation to be. I see manipulation to be the unethical and unhealthy use of persuade plus I view at an act of energy vampirism

Yes I know that the PUA is evolving tho at its core are techniques that stay the same. Also I'll say that working on assertiveness, self-confidence and self-esteem can got a very long way to help in defence against theses dark arts.

Also it would help alot if a few of the ex PUAer's become poacher turned gamekeeper

I've fallen for it before. It's only been a couple of years since I finally recognized the manipulation in my own family.

I've seen some manipulation aimed at me on this site.

Oh, so you're a manipulation expert now.

ahhhh ok. i don't know if i've seen too much of that, but maybe i just don't know enough about how my friends met up.

i do feel like some people kind of have a hidden agenda that doesn't surface until later - i've done something similar myself, on an unconscious level, and called it off before things got too tangled up. but maybe that is different. i am having trouble imagining this kind of situation i guess.

Is that supposed to mean something, Boo?