For those who have been a target of a PUA (pick-up arse)

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yeah, i'm gonna change my terminology in reference to PUA. i didn't know if "victim" was too strong, but it seems to be a broadly accepted label.

i was attracted to the fact that all of the social rules went out the window (we danced with no dance floor, he sang to me on first meeting, he was approaching his coworker's ex-girlfriend (me), he was wearing unusual clothing***).

it was like he enveloped me in a whole other reality, and i felt like i was the centre of his universe. we were in a protected bubble together... essentially, it FELT like romantic movies LOOK.


***this was many years before the cliche of PUA dressing crazy

I was at a time in my life when I was single. I realised that it was nice to have someone to be with. They behaved like it was the start of a relationship, and only later it started to become apparent that that wasnt their intention at all. So to me it was the lure of a relationship. It is easy for a Pick Up Jerk to pretend they are looking for a relationship.

This is going to sound really bad but.... I was horny and didn't care that he was trying to use me for sex. >.<

ive noticed a vouple of the women here have said theyd have had sex with them anyways.

well, i can understand that - i was no stranger to casual sex. and when it was a mutually agreed-upon activity with no further chance for anything more, it was fun to engage in.

but i thought this was a different situation.

Yeah, I don't think there's anything for anyone to be ashamed about that. Once upon a time, I was a sexually active young single woman. These were my choices and they were very safe choices. I paid my own bills, stood on my own two feet, and did as I pleased.

I never meant anyhting negative about it.

I didn't mean to imply that you did. I was reacting more in agreement with you and in a disagreement with TEGH's preface that what she had to say was "going to sound really bad".

this is something im afraid of. coming off as someone looking for a relationship if im not going to.

When I was in high school I had a male jock come onto me by asking me out by writing on a napkin then passing it to me so I wrote "No Thank You" on the the napkin and passed it back. I thought he was screwing with me but he gave me a look like I pooped in his oatmeal. He freaked out and told me no one would believe me if I told them. He also added he was going to make my life a living hell if I told anyone. Everyone sitting around me kept asking me what happened, what did you do? I was too afraid to tell anyone because it could go from daily name calling to daily beatings. Before this outburst he was the only jock who did not call me a fa***t or ret*d then after I told him no he was the one who picked on me the worse he would even try to get other people sitting near me to join in on the tormenting of me. He is married with kids now so he probably is living a lie right now and is miserable.

He was picking on a lot of guys calling them homosexual slurs I wonder if he tried to pick up them as well?

Last edited by Todesking on 05 Jun 2011, 11:42 pm, edited 3 times in total.

You don't think it's bad that I saw the PUA tactics and slept with these men anyway?

If anything it sounds bi-winning to me.

No, because you saw the PUA tactics and made a choice to sleep with them. You did not make a choice to sleep with them because you did not realize you were fooled into it with PUA tactics. Should you have, instead, called them out on trying to be a PUA, condemned them, thrown a drink in their faces, stomped on their feet and spread news all over the internet about their shenanigans? Maybe... If that's where you wanted to go with it. But, as you said, you were horny and wanted to get laid so you went ahead and did just that. I see nothing odd or bad about that at all.

I think it makes me sound slu*ty, but okay.

All you have to do is say that you are only looking for a casual relationship. Also look for someone who is on the same page as you about it. I cant see that there would be any problems.

In my case the guys didnt say they were looking for casual and did a lot of things that made things look romantic and made it appear like they wanted a relationship.