Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Saying NO because you don't feel good enough for someone

Page 2 of 2 [ 24 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,678
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Jun 2011, 5:30 am

Fnord wrote:
Saying NO because you don't feel good enough for someone has got to be the biggest shot-in-the foot heard 'round the world.

But at least you got asked.



Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

10 Jun 2011, 5:45 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
A few weeks ago, a former classmate I had an attraction suggested we go out sometime. It seemed more than just an offer for friendship, and she's seemed to have a thing for me ever since we met. She just got out of a relationship. She even suggested the place we could go. I feel like s*** now because I kept avoiding her, and now she's dating someone else. I don't want to go out with her because I feel she's too normal and cool, and she wouldn't understand my off beat personality. I faked it with her so well because she doesn't really know me. I also feel insecure because I'm not working right now, and she's a barista and makes good money. She's surrounded by NT friends, so I fear they wouldn't really like me. I wish I could muster up confidence, but I can't. It sucks. :cry:

I'm sure someone here has a sob story where they sabotaged themselves because they didn't think they could hack it?


I would try revealing more of the real you and seeing if she can deal with it or not before writing her off as 'too normal and cool'.

You are making other people's decisions for them here. Is there any other reason, or is it purely a kind of fear of 'being found out' and rejected?


_________________
Not currently a moderator


OneStepBeyond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,310

10 Jun 2011, 7:05 am

i get intimidated by people who have looks/intelligence/personality that i admire. and could probably convince myself that near enough anyone is out of my league



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

10 Jun 2011, 10:24 am

Chronos wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
How do you know she doesn't fake it? I think she should be the one to judge whether you are good enough for her.


The same thought occurred to me just minutes before I signed on. If I fooled her, isn't it possible that she fooled me? Or maybe, she could tell what I was really like, and felt attracted anyway?

What I need to do now is let it go though, and learn from this. This is one thing that's eating me up. Maybe it won't work out with this new guy she's with, and she'll still be interested later?


She might be...how long has she been with this other guy? If she was interested in you and then found this guy within a short period of time after you declined her then I don't imagine she's absolutely in love with him. Are you sure she is actually with him?


I didn't come right out and ask, but I saw them together, and her facebook picture shows them smiling together. Plus, she's kinda distanced herself now, so I don't feel it's the right time to approach her.


I don't think that's indicative that they're dating.
.


I turns out they are. I looked up the guy on there, and he's "In a relationship with that girl I should have take out"

If she jumped in so quick, maybe she had him in mind to begin with, and she really only wanted to be friends. But damn if she didn't come on strong.

Maybe she'll be on the market again one day. Until then, this was the biggest mistake I've made in a looong time. I made this mistake in high school, but I can't excuse anything on youth anymore, so I need to grow up and take a chance. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I can't keep selling myself short like this.

Cronos, if you read this, tell me, has this happened to you? You sound kin to this. Did you get turned away because a man got intimidated?



Todesking
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,088
Location: Depew NY

10 Jun 2011, 1:02 pm

Don't force yourself to be with someone especially to make other feel better about you being with someone. I had friends who pretty much asked this girl out for me so I would not be so lonely. They did not care whether I liked her or not they just wanted me to be with someone. I was miserable and she sensed it making her extremely uncomfortable.


_________________
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die -Hunter S. Thompson


Sirius
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 63
Location: Fresno, CA

10 Jun 2011, 11:43 pm

Another factor that could be affecting you or not but did definitely affect me, was that I was more intimidated by women with a lot of friends and was very outgoing vs. one with few friends and wasn't such an attention getter.

Why? Well for starters, I tend to clam up in a large group of people conversing and even during good times have trouble following conversations. Being with a woman like that surrounded by all her social friends, while I was mostly quiet, would feel like a big searchlight shinning on me, highlighting my lack of social skills. For myself, it really didn't matter if her friends liked me or not, just being the only quiet one in the circle, would thus constantly remind me of my deficiencies and I like any person, has a natural threshold of the negatives in which I can stand.

For a long time, I was only aware of this subconsciously and I was constantly confused as to why I became so turned off and uncomfortable around really social women.



ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,907
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

13 Jun 2011, 3:24 am

I'm the same way.

It's gotten to the point where if a guy mentions having friends, I conclude we're too different to make it work.


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

13 Jun 2011, 8:22 am

Moog wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
A few weeks ago, a former classmate I had an attraction suggested we go out sometime. It seemed more than just an offer for friendship, and she's seemed to have a thing for me ever since we met. She just got out of a relationship. She even suggested the place we could go. I feel like s*** now because I kept avoiding her, and now she's dating someone else. I don't want to go out with her because I feel she's too normal and cool, and she wouldn't understand my off beat personality. I faked it with her so well because she doesn't really know me. I also feel insecure because I'm not working right now, and she's a barista and makes good money. She's surrounded by NT friends, so I fear they wouldn't really like me. I wish I could muster up confidence, but I can't. It sucks. :cry:

I'm sure someone here has a sob story where they sabotaged themselves because they didn't think they could hack it?


I would try revealing more of the real you and seeing if she can deal with it or not before writing her off as 'too normal and cool'.

You are making other people's decisions for them here. Is there any other reason, or is it purely a kind of fear of 'being found out' and rejected?


No other reason, really. I love to be alone a lot. She likes to go out, and aside from the mutual friend, we have extremely different circles. EXTREMELY. I wouldn't feel comfortable trying to incorporate her into my life, or vice versa. She would have to over look a lot. I've done the faking thing before, but you can never grow with the person. They don't even really KNOW you when you do that. I want to be more real now. Yes, I guess I'm afraid of being "found out" and rejected. I just don't feel she would accept me.