Aspie infatuation could cause break up

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Thank you. I know I'm not perfect but there are things you just don't do. Yes, he is with both the guy and girl. I feel that I've tried so hard but what can I do if the same effort isn't made. Thanks for the comments, I wanted to make sure this was something he couldn't control before I took it further.

Hold on, everybody. Donkey77, you've said that you're not comfortable with these friends of his. Do you think they'll lead him astray to cheat or do otherwise bad things, or is it simply that they're 'porn stars' and thus a lower class of people? Like it or not, these friends of his are fulfilling a need that he is obviously not getting anywhere else. Sure, he knows you're upset about this whole situation, I'm sure, but do YOU see it from HIS side? How lonely he is, and the exhilaration of fun friends? If you think these friends will make him cheat or worse, then you have to tell him straight out and forbid him from seeing them again. I know you don't want to start making rules for him like you're his mother or something, but we tend to be very black and white thinkers. So seriously consider what it is you want him to do, and tell him. Something concrete, not vague like "Please consider my feelings more." Yes, that is very vague for an aspie.

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Sacrip, I really dont know much about these people. What he tells me is very limited and it worries me. The only things I really know are what I've been able to find online about them. Is it normal for aspies to not talk much about people they like? I get that a lot with him. He gives me very limited info on family, personal matters, and friends. After four years of being together, he just told me this year that he had a horrible childhood, and that it was worse than I could ever imagine. So, I think he is getting a high from seeing new faces as well as a sense of acceptance/love. This last year, we moved out of state and away from our families. I have been depressed because I have a very close relationship with every one in my family. He could see this and he thought I was not happy with him. I think he still thinks that. Going out of state was not something I wanted to do but he told me he was going with or without me. He now says that he said that to make sure I would come with him because he knew I never wanted to leave home. So, I've accepted the fact that I love him and want to be with him no matter where that is. I have told him this but I still get sad every now and then. I think he thinks this is all directed at him but its not. I dont know how to let him know that I truly love him. I think getting this across would solve all his insecurities in the relationship and it would also stop all the speed bumps we have been having.

I think you're putting too much emphasis on his aspergers and pretending that somehow it's any different than when a man is cheating on his girlfriend or wife. Was he diagnosed?

It's not different. He's just cheating on you or about to anyway. Maybe he hasn't yet and will chicken out. You should tell him you are done and get out. Since nothing you can do satisfies whatever "NEED" he is talking about...let him know that he isn't satisfying your Needs and get out.

Aspies usually talk obsessively about people they like UNLESS, that person that is liked is someone they want to have sex with then naturally they aren't going to bring that person up to their girlfriend or boyfriend.

Go find another man who will treat you the way you want to be treated but quit pretending somehow a person with aspergers that cheats is excused. That is not apart of the criteria. It does not say:

-In order to be diagnosed with aspergers you must find urges to run off with porn stars behind your significant others back.


This may hurt right now but if he crosses that line, it will be easier to get over him than someone you have kids with, been with for 10+ years etc...

Now at least you know more of what you want in a guy.

The only reason I can come up with what NEED he is addressing is sexual. Why else would he hang out with a porn star then claim it's over a "need".

You need to find someone that will respect you. He's not being blunt but he's saying he doesn't have feelings for you anymore.

Years later when you have found someone who loves you, watch who calls you.

I really dont think he is cheating right now(guy and gal dating) but I'm afraid that he will be lead into something one day. He already said that he has abstained from parties because he's afraid of what he may do if a girl hits on him. That he has wanted that affection for so long and isn't getting it. He is good looking and women flirt with him often which doesn't help my security. I really think he is infatuated with the girl of the couple and it makes me worry about what happens when he is at a party with them or hanging out with their friends. Am I just insecure? After him saying that about the parties, I think I have cause to be concerned.

He was diagnosed with aspergers when he was a kid. He was taken to several psychiatrists. He does have so many qualities that aspies have.

He gets home in three hours and we can have our talk. We are engaged and so it will make it all the harder to say goodbye. I've relocated my entire life to be with him and support him. It will be devastating if I have to say good bye.

we talked and he wants to think about not breaking up. I'm making preparations to leave. I'm all alone here and I cant stand this for however many days or weeks he needs. He was very cold to me when we talked. He showed some emotion but he seemed numb for the most part. He thinks we both deserve the chance to try to find someone that better suits our needs. I told him that the way he behaves is not acceptable to most women. He then said that if its a mistake, what would stop us from trying again. I told him I couldn't do this again. Not after everything. So, now I have to put a new life together and I have no idea where to start. Thanks for all your comments.

Donkey, I know what you mean when you say you have no idea how to start a new life. The only thing I can say is though it seems scary, one day will come, then the next, then the next and you will put a semblance of a life for yourself together. It is hard to think of right now but you will find that the future happens even if you are not sure of what is to come. ((((hugs))))))

Personal question. How is the sex life?

We had a hard sex life for a while. I was diagnosed with low thyroid and so I was really lethargic for some time. He took that really hard and thought I was rejecting him. I told him it was because I didn't feel well and it had nothing to do with him. I had gained like 50lbs in 2 years and I have lost 40lbs since I was diagnosed last year. So, things were getting better and I was way more active sexually. I think he still holds it against me though and anytime I dont want to have sex its horrible to him. My thyroid still has drops every now and then and I have to increase my dosage but I told him its not personal. The thyroid controls so much in the body and I cant help it. I even have monthly visits to make sure everything is ok. I just feel like I have to be the 100% in every aspect person in the relationship to make this work and that's not possible. Its also mentally tiring and frustrating.