Boyfriend is stuck in his own world

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People with AS generally do not realize that they are supposed to reach out to others, unless someone informs them of this. In many instances, a person with AS won't even share their interests with others because it never occurs to them to do so. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to have this problem, which brings us to the other issue, when or if people with AS realize they are supposed to share their interests with others, they often do so in the manner you have stated.

Your boyfriend does not know that he is supposed to inquire about the things you would like him to inquire about. It doesn't occur to him. Subconsciously, he expects you to tell him if something is wrong. People with AS generally need to be explicitly introduced to the concept of asking about others and taking an active interest in the lives of others.

You should discuss this issue with him because it is something that he really does need to learn. Tell him he needs to be sure to get status updates from those he cares about to collect information on their physical and mental wellbeing so he can respond accordingly.

meh....you're creating an issue out of nothing, really.

I don't know if you're understanding what I'm trying to say.

Have you explictly told him that this is a deal breaker? That part of what you need in a relationship is for him to say these little things and ask you about your day and stuff.

Saying stuff like "I'd like you to consider me more" is very vague for an Aspie. If you've said something like that and consider your needs communicated, your needs haven't been because there is no clear explanation of what is needed to be done to consider you more.

I'm the Aspie in my relationship, my bf may be but possibly not but there are some things that he asked of me because they were important to him in relationships. In my case it was flirting with him, it felt odd for a long time and some of my attempts didn't work out well but the fact that I kept on trying let him know that I cared. I tried because it was something that was important to him because he is important to me.

I feel like nothing I say is being heard. Any time when we talk, or do anything together, for that matter, I feel like a passenger in the car. He's going to go wherever he's going to go whether I'm there or not.



I think the way you put this sounds very sensible. I'll try to word it like you did and hope that it's helpful for him. It sounds like I have to ask him to check my real-life Twitter feed.



I've been afraid to tell him that this is something that has to happen; only that it's something I need, as a person. That doesn't seem to have an effect on him yet. I think I'm scared that if I make it an ultimatum, he'll just ask if I want to break off the relationship without trying anything. You're saying I need to give him something concrete? I'm not always good at coming up with how to word things that he'll understand, but I'll try something like this, maybe.

"It's important to me that you show that you're interested a few times every time we talk. Ask me how my day went. Try to say at least two things about something if I bring it up. If I make a statement about something that happened, ask me how it was. If you're not sure what to say, just tell me, 'I'm not sure what to say about that,' and at least I'll know you're trying to think of something to say."

That doesn't cover nearly what a person does in a conversation, but at least it'd be something. I just want to see him try. It would feel so good to see him try. People with AS often don't express what they're feeling, and while that can't be blamed on them, it feels so alienating to have communication always be one-way.

That sounds concrete enough, clear instruction on what you need from him. It will be a challange for him at the start because it will probably feel odd and it will take a lot of patience on both your parts.

he can not attain his own escape velocity.
he must be in love with his own way of seeing things (that intensifies the gravity of experience),
therefore he maybe has no desire to "step out" to explore, let alone experience a less well thought out mind's findings.