Rather do other stuff than have a relationship?

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Joined: 30 Mar 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
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Location: Midwest USA (Switzerland is Where the Heart Is)

26 Jun 2011, 9:08 pm

I can imagine having a relationship that mostly consisted in sharing an interest... like talking Swiss dialect just for fun!

Sadly I may be the only American who considers Swiss-German to be the epitome of a good time.

Sirius
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28 Jun 2011, 12:13 am

Yes and I am sure with a lot of us, some of those interests don't involve doing something physically but going into our own heads for elaborate daydreams/conceptualizations. I can get on a kick about inventing something, a certain time, event or place in history, theorizing where human development will go next and so on.... These kicks are very detailed oriented and I can think about them quite often during the day (but not all day) until they are played out, which can sometimes take weeks or months.

To the outside world most of us would look disinterested and apathetic, while we are really burning the oil on the inside instead of the outside. Yes, this does create an obstacle for relationships.

blunnet
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28 Jun 2011, 4:35 pm

Aspie_Chav wrote:

Ask some one a car they hate the most. Then ask them if they have previously own that car.

Ask someone who is happy being single( mainly an NT). Then ask them if they had been in a relationship.

Why do you think that is

Not everybody who is happy being single is for the reason you think it is.

The car analogy is kind of ridiculous, as hating a car you don't own doesn't make sense.

Erisad
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28 Jun 2011, 4:50 pm

I would love to be in a good relationship for a change. Although I would settle to have some friends in the area so I don't spend most of the time alone at home. :/

JohnOldman
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Joined: 30 Mar 2011
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28 Jun 2011, 5:32 pm

Sirius wrote:

Yes and I am sure with a lot of us, some of those interests don't involve doing something physically but going into our own heads for elaborate daydreams/conceptualizations. I can get on a kick about inventing something, a certain time, event or place in history, theorizing where human development will go next and so on.... These kicks are very detailed oriented and I can think about them quite often during the day (but not all day) until they are played out, which can sometimes take weeks or months.

To the outside world most of us would look disinterested and apathetic, while we are really burning the oil on the inside instead of the outside. Yes, this does create an obstacle for relationships.

A noteworthy turn of phrase! Bravo!

RICKY5
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01 Jul 2011, 4:32 pm

Guitarmaniac91 wrote:

Well, sometimes I feel like being single is the best way to go, that way the only person's needs I need worry about are mine and mine alone, therefore it goes without saying that my time is mine and I can do with it as I see fit.

But at other times I go out, see at least 20 couples walking down the street hand-in-hand, and I think "I hate them two, walking along all la-dee-dah-dee-dah down the street, making it painfully obvious that they're a happy couple. D**ks."

Basically if I'm in a good mood, I like being single, but if I'm in a bad mood, I look at people who are taken and think "Why can't I be like that?"

But I don't know if there are any girls who would put up with a guitar-obsessed, pool-playing, anime-loving, collectible-loving, Iron Maiden-worshipping, drift-obsessed arcade-goer who needs time away from everyone to centre himself.

But I guess that's life.

I couldn't care less about "love". To me it is just window dressing we use to mask our specie's lust and social status seeking.

Xayah
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02 Jul 2011, 11:28 am

I'd like to be in love. No not in lust - love, what you feel when you know someone really well and still dig everything about them, even their flaws. Trouble is that takes work, and time getting to know each other, working through their issues, yada yada. When it comes to relationships I hate putting in the work. I am single, I've had some casual encounters and one relationship in my time but I like being single. If I'm around people for too long, or don't get enough me time in between I just can't take it.

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AngelKnight
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02 Jul 2011, 5:14 pm

Cad wrote:

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if anyone else feels the same way. I've been in relationships before, I've been in love before, I'm a virgin but definitely not asexual...but just wondering if anyone sometimes feels that they're happy doing other stuff rather than being in a relationship? For instance my special interests are really intense and I can spend days just drawing buildings. I'd rather do that than have a boyfriend sometimes, but this makes me feel selfish and introverted and I shouldn't be like this. I want to rewire my brain to not get so much happiness from my buildings so I can live a normal life and be in a normal relationship with someone. Does anyone know how I'd go about this? Does anyone else feel the same way? Is there a way where you can still have your interests and be in a normal relationship?

Hiyas,

It may seem sort of strange to say, but if you get such intense fulfilment and pleasure out of doing what you do, I'm not sure that you should feel that it's selfish, or dangerous, to keep at it. I'm guessing you haven't harmed others through your interests. If they're fulfilling for you, why shouldn't this be your normal?

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