Did I do something wrong?

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hale_bopp
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03 Jul 2011, 12:58 am

Its fair enough. Tell her to find another emotional tampon. It's quite inconsiderate.

nick007
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03 Jul 2011, 12:59 am

Fnord wrote:

I used to think that when a woman says, "Let's just be friends" it meant "Let's smile and be nice to each other in a superficial way", but now I'm learning that it really means, "Shut up and listen while I dump this bucket of verbal manure into your lap and then leave it for you to clean up by yourself".

Seems to me that such women are not worth the time or the trouble to meet in the first place.

That's what Sam Kinison says it means. Maybe I should take his advice & give up on women

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV1dyV9d_1k[/youtube]

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Gwenwyn
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03 Jul 2011, 1:21 am

I think you are wise to know your limits and respect yourself enough to note that the situation was unfair to you. She was unwisely emotional. If your friendship is old, I'd recommend waiting to see if she unblocks you, and giving her a trial in which she must refrain from talking about her lonliness. If she doesn't respect you, then you should stop being friends with her. Not to be mean, but simply because you have the right to be treated with respect.

Illinois could also be correct - she may be using a different meaning for lonely. Either way I think its appropriate to protect yourself emotionally. Even if she is unintentionally being harmful, its not a valid excuse to continue hurting the OP.

nick007
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03 Jul 2011, 1:36 am

Your rite Gwenwyn. I do need to protect myself. I screw friendships up & get hurt most every time I try being more. I feel like I must be some hideous monster because no women not even the ones who are lonely & desperate are ever willing to get in a relationship with me. I really want someone to like me for me but NO one will ever give me a chance. Why I am so unlovable :?:

hale_bopp
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03 Jul 2011, 1:47 am

This isn't your fault. People should stop using people to moan to. I've been guilty of this in the past, and it's perfectly reasonable for the interested party to be sick of whiners saying no-one likes them to someone who does.

chrissyrun
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03 Jul 2011, 1:51 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Tell her to find another emotional tampon.

I'm sorry, but that is a hilarious statement. :lol:

nick007
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03 Jul 2011, 1:58 am

hale_bopp wrote:

It IS my fault because I should of known better than to make a move in the 1st place because it ends badly most every time I do. I'm a damned fool for thinking that someone would like me after a while because it's obvious from my experiences that they never do

Chronos
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03 Jul 2011, 2:53 am

nick007 wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Now this is just self pitying. There was nothing wrong with you making a move. It was continuing the relationship after she said she wanted to be friends, and you secretly wanted to be more.

CaptainTrips222
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03 Jul 2011, 3:14 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Tell her to find another emotional tampon.

That was witty.

nick007
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03 Jul 2011, 4:43 am

Chronos wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Now this is just self pitying. There was nothing wrong with you making a move. It was continuing the relationship after she said she wanted to be friends, and you secretly wanted to be more.

I would of been happy being her friend but I started feeling like she may of been interested in me. because she started confiding in me more. A couple times in the past women have told me they were only wanted to be friends with me & they started confiding in me more & I had just assumed it was only friendship but when I ended up making a blog about being lonely or made a comment about liking another girl; the girl I was friends with got really upset with me because they had thought we were begging a relationship even thou she had told me she only wanted to be friends. When girls had told me they only wanted to be my friends & I respected that; it ended badly because they had assumed we were getting in a relationship when they did not tell me their feelings towards me had changed. But when that pattern repeats with another girl & I take a chance that her feelings had changed; she tells me they hadn't. How the hell can I know when a girl is serious or when a girl is playing that hard-to-get cr@p when they both have the same patterns :?:

hale_bopp
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03 Jul 2011, 5:09 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Tell her to find another emotional tampon.

That was witty.

I didn't coin it, a member called therange did.

Nick, stop blaming yourself. It's very poor manners of her to whine about how noone likes you to someone who you know has a crush on you. If anything she should have shown some consideration to the situation.

Last edited by hale_bopp on 03 Jul 2011, 5:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

CrinklyCrustacean
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03 Jul 2011, 5:10 am

Chronos wrote:

11. You try to change the subject.
This was your first implicit attempt at setting boundaries in the relationship, but they are conditional boundaries. Would you listen to someone you weren't interested in romantically go on about being lonely?

If yes, then you are not affording her something you would afford to someone else as a friend, implying you are really not interested in being her friend.

If no, then you allowed her concept of your friendship to be shaped by false pretenses. In other words, you deceived her, though initially unintentionally, and due to what was stated in the paragraph with the *, you could not have known you were doing this at the time, much as she couldn't have known she was doing much the same to you at the time.

You cannot lie to somebody accidentally, so how can you deceive someody accidentally? How is it reasonable for the girl to think Nick was deceiving her when Nick a) had no way of knowing he was misleading her, and b) had no way of doing it consciously anyway? A misinterpretation, sure, but deception? :scratch:

nick007
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03 Jul 2011, 9:52 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Nick, stop blaming yourself. It's very poor manners of her to whine about how noone likes you to someone who you know has a crush on you. If anything she should have shown some consideration to the situation.

I do think that was inconsiderate of her but I cant help thinking that she & the her girls I tried asking the past would of liked me if there wasn't something majorly wrong with me. It seems like no women will ever like me because I keep getting rejected & screwing friendships up time & time again. I should of learned that by now with my track record

Gwenwyn
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03 Jul 2011, 10:36 am

nick007 wrote:

The closest I could see being 'wrong' (and please note the quotey marky things!) is just low self-esteem. It is completely understandable that given past rejections you're timid in the relationship world, but oftentimes when women sense a man is insecure, it will evoke their OWN insecure feelings. You kind of have to know your own self-worth before it will be readily apparent to others.

nick007
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03 Jul 2011, 10:51 am

Gwenwyn wrote:

nick007 wrote:

I thought I had fairly high self-esteem because i really believed that girls would like me if they knew me a while & would give me a chance. I really don't know why NO women like me. I think I deluded myself into thinking I was better than I actually was.

Lene
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03 Jul 2011, 10:58 am

Quote:

I told her I understood that & I liked being her friend & I can accept that she is not interested in me but I also said that I did not want her to keep coming to me to complain about being lonely because I was lonely to & liked her & providing that kind of emotional support to her knowing I cant be anything more than her friend was painful to me. She got really upset & accused me of trying to guilt her which I was NOT & being mean which was NOT my intent & then she said thanx for making me cry & she blocked me. I do honestly NOT understand what I did wrong.

Fair enough. Good for you for making it clear.

I'll be honest, she probably won't come back but since she's already tried to guilt trip you ('now you've made me cry') whilst accusing you of the same thing, I don't think it's too much of a loss.

Quote:

You only told her the truth about your feelings when she only wanted to use you as a dumping ground for hers.

QFT

As usual, Chronos makes a good point, but I don't think it should be just about your friend's feelings. All friendships, even completely platonic ones, have boundaries and 'don't go there's' and you never said that you didn't want to be her friend, just that you didn't want to have to hear about her love life. You shouldn't have asked again, but she should also have been sensitive to the fact that you already mentioned you had feelings for her.

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