04 Jul 2011, 6:17 pm
I'm not trying to be difficult either. I really appreciate everyone's advice and help and stuff. 
04 Jul 2011, 6:19 pm
04 Jul 2011, 6:34 pm
04 Jul 2011, 6:46 pm
04 Jul 2011, 6:50 pm
04 Jul 2011, 6:51 pm
04 Jul 2011, 6:53 pm
AsteroidNap wrote:
Actually, I'm not surprised that you don't have a neutral space :/ I didn't really either, though my bedroom was somewhat neutral -- though I had to share it with my brother. I ended up explosively confronting my father about letting me live my life while out in a fishing boat in the middle of a lake during a thunderstorm. Sounds pretty dramatic, eh? My dad wanted to be all Captain Ahab and take our tiny boat out on the lake with 6 foot waves and lightning. I on the other hand didn't want to die, so I yelled at my Dad and forced my brother to motor us into shore and then everything just sort of poured out all at once.
I regret that this sort of thing had to happen in the manner it did, where it did. But at some point, one has to break away and claim their adulthood.
I regret that this sort of thing had to happen in the manner it did, where it did. But at some point, one has to break away and claim their adulthood.
I don't even have a lock on my bedroom door. They switched my doorknob to one without a lock after I hit puberty.
I know. I'm afraid that she'll just get mad at me if I try to break away and keep me locked up forever. >.<
HopeGrows
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04 Jul 2011, 7:13 pm
04 Jul 2011, 7:16 pm
HopeGrows
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04 Jul 2011, 7:33 pm
04 Jul 2011, 7:42 pm
HopeGrows wrote:
Erisad wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
Well, since you can anticipate the questions your mother is going to ask, why don't you just write out the answers and give them to her? Give her the guy's name, address, info about his parents, where he goes to school, the friend who knows him, how long she's known him, etc. Tell her where you're going, what you'll be doing, and when you'll be back. Arrange a non-threatening first date: have coffee, go to lunch, go bowling, even go on a double-date with the friend - whatever. In other words, make it very, very difficult for your mother to object.
If you want your mom to start treating you like an adult, then you're going to have to show her that you can approach this situation like an adult: give her the information she wants (to show that you understand her concerns), make a plan, and execute it. So get going and make it happen.
If you want your mom to start treating you like an adult, then you're going to have to show her that you can approach this situation like an adult: give her the information she wants (to show that you understand her concerns), make a plan, and execute it. So get going and make it happen.
I don't know all that information. Frankly, I shouldn't have to tell her all of that. Apart from which friend knows him, she doesn't have to know the other sh** since it's all irrelevant. Besides, mom and grandma are watching TV right now and won't pay attention. I'm starting to think this might not even be worth the effort. I'd go through all that work and he'd just decide that I'm uglier in person and not contact me ever again. I don't even know the guy that well and we only exchanged a few messages on Facebook. His grandma's in the hospital too so he's harder to contact now. He probably doesn't even want to do the date anymore.
So, what's your point? You shouldn't have to tell her, but if you want to go out with this guy, you'll have to tell her those things. What's your alternative - wait for your mother to change? You've written volumes about how that's not going to happen, so why not work on figuring out an effective way to deal with her? Making her unreasonable demands the focus of your energies isn't exactly getting you out of the house. Whether this guy turns into a bf or not isn't really the point - it's getting your mother used to the idea of you dating.
How the hell do I do that? I mean, look at me. I can understand why she believes that I shouldn't be dating. I'm so ugly and unstable that I'll only attract rapists and cheaters.
HopeGrows
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Age: 52
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04 Jul 2011, 7:58 pm
Erisad wrote:
How the hell do I do that?
HopeGrows wrote:
Well, since you can anticipate the questions your mother is going to ask, why don't you just write out the answers and give them to her? Give her the guy's name, address, info about his parents, where he goes to school, the friend who knows him, how long she's known him, etc. Tell her where you're going, what you'll be doing, and when you'll be back. Arrange a non-threatening first date: have coffee, go to lunch, go bowling, even go on a double-date with the friend - whatever. In other words, make it very, very difficult for your mother to object.
If you want your mom to start treating you like an adult, then you're going to have to show her that you can approach this situation like an adult: give her the information she wants (to show that you understand her concerns), make a plan, and execute it. So get going and make it happen.
If you want your mom to start treating you like an adult, then you're going to have to show her that you can approach this situation like an adult: give her the information she wants (to show that you understand her concerns), make a plan, and execute it. So get going and make it happen.
Erisad wrote:
I mean, look at me. I can understand why she believes that I shouldn't be dating. I'm so ugly and unstable that I'll only attract rapists and cheaters.
Apparently, the young man who's asked you out disagrees with your assessment - listen to him.
04 Jul 2011, 8:03 pm
HopeGrows wrote:
Erisad wrote:
How the hell do I do that?
HopeGrows wrote:
Well, since you can anticipate the questions your mother is going to ask, why don't you just write out the answers and give them to her? Give her the guy's name, address, info about his parents, where he goes to school, the friend who knows him, how long she's known him, etc. Tell her where you're going, what you'll be doing, and when you'll be back. Arrange a non-threatening first date: have coffee, go to lunch, go bowling, even go on a double-date with the friend - whatever. In other words, make it very, very difficult for your mother to object.
If you want your mom to start treating you like an adult, then you're going to have to show her that you can approach this situation like an adult: give her the information she wants (to show that you understand her concerns), make a plan, and execute it. So get going and make it happen.
If you want your mom to start treating you like an adult, then you're going to have to show her that you can approach this situation like an adult: give her the information she wants (to show that you understand her concerns), make a plan, and execute it. So get going and make it happen.
Erisad wrote:
I mean, look at me. I can understand why she believes that I shouldn't be dating. I'm so ugly and unstable that I'll only attract rapists and cheaters.
Apparently, the young man who's asked you out disagrees with your assessment - listen to him.
I tried arranging a non-threatening meeting already. It fell through. So much work to have it not happen. I lied to my mom saying I was going to be at my friend's house and there wasn't going to be any boys there (she asked) and arranged for my friend to take me there when the guy was going to be there and stuff and everything didn't work out. It was going to work too. I would try it again but she would get suspicious knowing that I'm using the exact same story of "hanging out at my friend's house." >.<
04 Jul 2011, 8:12 pm
04 Jul 2011, 8:15 pm
04 Jul 2011, 8:28 pm
