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Relationship with ex-spouse?

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hyperlexian
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10 Jul 2011, 7:18 pm

Grisha wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Our seperation/divorce was very gradual too, it got kind of weird when she started dating, but it was nice to get her out of the house. :wink:

I've been living by myself for about a year and a half now and I'm still getting used to it...

yeah, that is definitely similar.

i also see some similar pitfalls that could come up in my future, where it could be hard for my ex to let go of "taking care" of me. you have been saying that your ex checks out the forums you go to and wants to have some input into who you date. for me it wouldn't manifest exactly like that, but my ex is fearful for my safety as i have been guilty of making bad choices before, and he wants to keep me safe. i have to prove to myself that i am capable of doing this properly without making a mess of my life.


He sounds like a really honorable guy, it's a shame you can't work things out. :(

My ex-wife's motives are purely selfish though, she thinks that having another woman in my life will compromise her ability to manipulate me - and she's probably right... :wink:

oh i see. that's horrible for you.

yes, my ex is very honourable, and he is quite an incredible man. but caring for an unstable aspie with PTSD and anxiety was exhausting. after 20 years, it was just sort of... too much. we can't make it go back to the way it was from force of will, and the direction we were headed was comfortable at best, with very little fondness or affection left. i wore him down, and the relationship kinda broke. i think i just need to learn to shoulder my own burdens.

one other aspect - it sounds cliched, but we actually want different things. he feels the instinct to settle down and relax and i have a lot of adventure left in me still. we became incompatible when looking at long-term goals.

sorry to abscond with your thread, OP.


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CaroleTucson
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10 Jul 2011, 7:23 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
sorry to abscond with your thread, OP.


It was a natural absconsion (cool word, eh?). You made some excellent points.



Solvejg
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11 Jul 2011, 8:41 am

CaroleTucson wrote:
Do you have a good relationship with your ex-spouse? Did it take some time after your divorce to work that out?

I've been divorced almost six years now. About a year ago, my ex-husband starting saying that he wanted to get back together. I was like .... "are you nuts?"

He's a very charming man when he wants to be and it's difficult sometimes for me to keep in mind why we split in the first place. Does anyone else have a problem like that? Or any other problems with your ex?


I don't know. I have no idea about my relationship with him. It is up and down and round and round.

I do know we will never get back together and i have no romantic feelings towards him at all. I would love for us to be friends in the future and hope he meets someone great for him. It just isn't me. We have to be in each others lives though for our children, we might as well be friendly.

I am actually moving on now and starting to date and stuff now i have everything sorted out emotionally for myself.


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CaroleTucson
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11 Jul 2011, 8:56 am

Solvejg wrote:
We have to be in each others lives though for our children, we might as well be friendly.

I am actually moving on now and starting to date and stuff now i have everything sorted out emotionally for myself.


That's how I look at it, too. I think it makes good sense.



K-R-X
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11 Jul 2011, 9:23 am

CaroleTucson wrote:
Do you have a good relationship with your ex-spouse? Did it take some time after your divorce to work that out?

I've been divorced almost six years now. About a year ago, my ex-husband starting saying that he wanted to get back together. I was like .... "are you nuts?"

He's a very charming man when he wants to be and it's difficult sometimes for me to keep in mind why we split in the first place. Does anyone else have a problem like that? Or any other problems with your ex?


I usually manage to keep it civil, for the most part. She has asked to get back together several times, which is sad. She's very manipulative and pretty, so I sometimes used to worry that I'd be taken in. But she's also bi-polor psychotic and takes no responsibility for her lying, cheating, hateful and outright abusive behavior...

Just stay hard. Something better will come along. No reason to stay with someone who you have already demonstrated you can't be with.



curlyfry
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11 Jul 2011, 11:16 am

K-R-X wrote:
CaroleTucson wrote:
Do you have a good relationship with your ex-spouse? Did it take some time after your divorce to work that out?

I've been divorced almost six years now. About a year ago, my ex-husband starting saying that he wanted to get back together. I was like .... "are you nuts?"

He's a very charming man when he wants to be and it's difficult sometimes for me to keep in mind why we split in the first place. Does anyone else have a problem like that? Or any other problems with your ex?


I usually manage to keep it civil, for the most part. She has asked to get back together several times, which is sad. She's very manipulative and pretty, so I sometimes used to worry that I'd be taken in. But she's also bi-polor psychotic and takes no responsibility for her lying, cheating, hateful and outright abusive behavior...

Just stay hard. Something better will come along. No reason to stay with someone who you have already demonstrated you can't be with.


Were you able to move away to make it harder to contact you? Did you have any children together?



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11 Jul 2011, 11:22 am

I split up with my husband a few years ago.

At first we kept in touch by email and phone, but I found it was not going to work, as he kept bringing us the subject of us getting back together again. He didn't understand how the relationship had damaged me, and I decided that I should sever all contact with him. Since then I've had almost no contact. It's been a relief.

He's actually moved on much better with his life than I have, but I feel much more stable now.



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11 Jul 2011, 1:16 pm

curlyfry wrote:
Were you able to move away to make it harder to contact you? Did you have any children together?


She actually moved away, so that was nice. Though she's planning to move to the same place I'm going in Sept, so that's frightening. Especially since she would try to scare away anyone else in my life.

I do have a son with her (I have physical custody after her stint in an institution). I don't much want to fight her in court though because, even with her history and issues, the statistics against men winning full custody are around 9-1.

Currently my hopes are pinned on the current charges against her by her current husband sticking, and her going to jail for a couple years. Either way I just try to keep it amicable while firmly knowing where my lines are.