gf's been going on OKCupid again recently

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It's quite normal to continue to act single until a relationship is officially established.
Also some people just go there for something to do/message boards, not looking for a date.

Time will tell...

I was in a similar situation and him having to bum rides off his mom, grandma, and friends to go out on dates or hangout was very repetitive and old. I was in the process of getting my license, but I had a feeling I would be doing most of the driving and it was irritating. Like he was a nice guy, but I don't like feeling like a relationship is one sided.

^^ Learn from this, Jono, I read plenty of similar comments on forums by females.


Men usually don't have a problem in doing all the driving for the woman,you never hear men saying "Why I should be her chauffeur and driving her everywhere" , in fact most of them love it, but the women usually have a problem with it and they usually nag about it on forums. It's an extreme double standards but it's very real and common.

And it can be a problem for your potential gf too, especially if you live in a country with poor public transportation and you made it clear to her that you're not willing to learn driving and . And no, don't expect that if she learns how to drive then this problem is solved, she won't like it to be sole driver.

Women love to feel that they can rely on their men, and your non-driving state isn't helping to give that image, the picture of some parent driving you to the date is very damaging too to it (the image of a man whom a woman can rely on). Who will drive her to the doctor when she's ill? Who will drive her when she's pregnant at 9th month? Who will drive her to the hospital when she's about to give birth? Who will drive the kids to schools? Always your Moms and dads? What if they are deceased ? s**t happens. See? it's not just about the distance.

You may still not convinced that this is the problem, but for some reason my instinct is telling me otherwise: that is exactly the main problem.

And don't expect that she will tell you about it , because she would be too embarrassed to dump you for a such "superficial" reason, she would slip away with some other excuse or without even knowing about it. And never forget the competition, 90% of guys of your age can drive, she can find plenty of guys on okcupid, even similar to your character, yet can drive.

How bad is your eyesight? Is your eyesight condition really prevent you from taking a driving licence? or is it just making it harder? Did you ever try to drive? Do you feel that you really can't drive? Oh, btw, you can always use the magic of .... green papers to reach some goals, one good green paper under the table and they'll see you as someone with eagle eyes!! roar!! You can also try the shaking technique, it makes wonders. (I don't think your country has the least corruption in the world ).

If you can then learn how to drive, Jono, there's no other way around it.

In most average to poor countries (like mine and yours), driving skill is a must requirement for the man to get and maintain any relationship, most women there see it as a vital requirement. Not all of us live in Canada or US where trains and metros are affordable and can reach any corner on daily basis and in any hour, so driving is the only solution, what else can we do? Either that or you'll never have a significant other.

Hope my words won't fall on deaf ears this time.

Boo you're being too black and white about this driving issue. My sister owns a car and does the driving. She's been with her bf for 3 years now and he still doesn't have a car. Sometimes she'll drive him or she'll loan him the car. It isn't a great big issue with every woman at least not in this country. Yes I agree that some women are still old fashioned and want their man to take care of them but not all women.


Needless to say, I think Jono and the girl in question need to move where public transporation isn't an issue if it does get serious. I know I can't drive or at least on open highways and busy streets. It can be a disability for some of us on the spectrum.

The distance issue is a major issue especially if both of you don't drive. That's not to say it won't work out between you two but there's going to be a lot of hardships you two will have to face if you want to be with each other more often than not. Have you thought about moving somewhere where finding public transportation isn't an issue?

MissContrue, every time you tell me you sister does that (as the main driver) and your aunt does this (and the only provider) and grandma does it (i dunno what else). Your family is an ....exceptional family, where the gender roles are upside down.

The females of your family aren't representatives of the whole gender, neither the males.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 28 Jul 2011, 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Great. I'll tell them that after I get off this forum. Yes I've lived in a family where most of the women were the providers. Ironically I'm the opposite which kind of makes me the loser. I wouldn't say the gender roles are upside down though and I wish I could relate or see all the women in my everyday life as general as you WP men. There are women who do work and not all men have to be the financial providers. It may be strange and upside down but it is what it is.

No one has denied that there are women who do work, and no one claimed of seeing all women in everyday life, don't add things I didn't say to make drama :p , I was implying that cases such as a woman as the sole provider (as husband doesn't work) of a couple or family or as the sole driver are rare.

And i don't want for Jono to have high hopes that his potential gf would be one of those exceptions.

First of all, she isn't the only one who has to come down to our area. I think I've already said that I'm planning to meet her in her area because she said that at the moment getting to Johannesburg is difficult for her. I don't think this is a one way street.



I'm completely blind in my right eye and have no depth perception. Obviously, that is an extremely dangerous situation to drive and not be able to judge how far other cars and objects are in front of you. By law, I would never be allowed to drive because it's just too likely that I would cause an accident. I can hardly cross a road, let alone drive.

Last edited by Jono on 29 Jul 2011, 8:11 am, edited 6 times in total.

It's way too early for that. So, no I haven't thought about it. Though, for the time being, I have thought about using a video chat for the times that we can't see each other.

So, how do physically disabled guys get girlfriends?

Because they have a good justified reason for not driving (and not because they're too lazy), and now I understand that you have a good justified reason as well. The only thing you can do now is just waiting and playing it cool.

I think I see where you're coming from now. Anyway I've got some news. I've heard back from her and we're in the process of making plans to see each other again next weekend.

I met my first girlfriend online as well, I tend to find it works. I'm on OkCupid and I like it a lot.

That being said, have you talked to her about it? It may be that she's just looking for more friends, but to be honest, it could be that she is not that interested in you and looking for other potential boyfriends.