Asking for a woman's Facebook account instead of number.

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Spazzergasm
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30 Jul 2011, 2:43 pm

I agree with you, OP.

minervx
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30 Jul 2011, 5:24 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Not necessarily, I witnessed guys getting gfs by adding them to facebook first.

It's not a matter of whether asking a FB or phone number or email address first....

It's a matter whether she finds you attractive/interesting or not. Asking a FB before a phone number won't make you less attractive to her and asking her a phone number first won't magically make you more attractive to her either. If she doesn't find you attractive, she'll put you in the friend zone regardless how you are communicating with her (whether by phone or by FB).

Attraction is all what matters, all the other stuff as whether to get her phone or email or whether to get her FB or whether you should say hi or hello are ridiculous meaningless tiny details that have no impact on the output.

but many times a woman may not know if shes attracted to a man if they only talked once, which is why i believe it is crucial to have a more intimate way of communicating for the second time.

hyperlexian
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30 Jul 2011, 5:35 pm

minervx wrote:

but many times a woman may not know if shes attracted to a man if they only talked once, which is why i believe it is crucial to have a more intimate way of communicating for the second time.

yeah but from my perspective it's kind of a good way to see his personality a little bit, or get a better idea of his family and interests... it's sort of a snapshot. a phone number is like a big unknown, especially if it is a guy i don't know that well. if i literally only met a guy once, i'd rather have the buffer of an online profile than a phone number, because i would not know anything about him from a number. an email is not too bad, but i'd probably ask him right away if he was on facebook anyways.

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Ancalagon
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30 Jul 2011, 5:58 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:

I can't believe you guys don't have Facebook. It's 2011. I am also shocked.

How is it shocking not to have an account on a particular website? Especially one with an incredibly bad reputation for respecting user's privacy.

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minervx
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30 Jul 2011, 8:40 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

minervx wrote:

but many times a woman may not know if shes attracted to a man if they only talked once, which is why i believe it is crucial to have a more intimate way of communicating for the second time.

thats a good point

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30 Jul 2011, 11:28 pm

Ancalagon wrote:

blitzkrieg wrote:

I can't believe you guys don't have Facebook. It's 2011. I am also shocked.

How is it shocking not to have an account on a particular website? Especially one with an incredibly bad reputation for respecting user's privacy.

Exactly the main reason why I got rid of mine other than the fact I rarely used it. Luckily it never had my last name associated to it.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2011, 2:28 am

minervx wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

but many times a woman may not know if shes attracted to a man if they only talked once, which is why i believe it is crucial to have a more intimate way of communicating for the second time.

They might not know but they might feel it. You can replace "attractive" by "interesting" or at least by "potentially attractive to her" and everything else would still the same.

Besides, it also depends where you communicate better, if you suck at talking on the phone then taking her number won't do you better than taking her IM or FB address. On the other hand, If you are a good writer then email/IM would be better for your chances ,no?
Not all men are sweet talkers, you know.

anna-banana
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31 Jul 2011, 8:29 am

hyperlexian wrote:

minervx wrote:

but many times a woman may not know if shes attracted to a man if they only talked once, which is why i believe it is crucial to have a more intimate way of communicating for the second time.

that goes both ways though. he will be examining your profile just as well.

maybe it's just me but I'd rather exchange numbers and meet in person at the next possible occasion than have the guy stalk the crap out of my facebook profile looking for clues of what I might want to hear. plus, it always freaks me out when people irl mention something they read on my fb wall that I wasn't really expecting them to notice.

so, I'd rather wait for a long long time before even adding them to friends.

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hyperlexian
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31 Jul 2011, 10:48 am

anna-banana wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

minervx wrote:

but many times a woman may not know if shes attracted to a man if they only talked once, which is why i believe it is crucial to have a more intimate way of communicating for the second time.

i don't have anything on FB that i wouldn't want a potential boyfriend to see. i'd rather the person got a full picture of me in advance - in a sense it is like a dating profile. they'd encounter quite a lot of my personality there, and i see that as a good thing. perhaps my sense of humour or politics annoys them, for example, and i'd rather get that sorted ahead of time.

it wouldn't bother me at all if they commented on things they saw on my profile... in fact i've never understood people being bothered by that at all. if i didn't want people to look and comment, i wouldn't post things. to me it would be rather like leaving magazines, a photo album, and some curios on a coffee table and then getting upset that a guest is looking at that stuff and commenting.

plus i communicate better in writing than in person, so for the early stages anything that involves online interactions is a benefit to me. i also feel better knowing someone's full name and some details of their life before i do any further interaction in person one-on-one, for safety reasons.

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minervx
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31 Jul 2011, 11:12 am

but couldnt you find out about them on the phone too.

rarely, would their politics and favorite tv shows matter to me.

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31 Jul 2011, 11:16 am

anna-banana wrote:

so, I'd rather wait for a long long time before even adding them to friends.

That's the only problem I really have with my Flickr account - the EXIF data on one of my photos shows my full name, which makes it obvious that that is the user of the Flickr account, especially as I don't know of anyone else with my name in the small town in which I live, plus my interests are quite unusual for those that live here.

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31 Jul 2011, 11:18 am

minervx wrote:

but couldnt you find out about them on the phone too.

rarely, would their politics and favorite tv shows matter to me.

You could, but it's easier to find out online.

Really, because some people are into politics....

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hyperlexian
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31 Jul 2011, 11:23 am

minervx wrote:

but couldnt you find out about them on the phone too.

rarely, would their politics and favorite tv shows matter to me.

i don't talk on the phone much at all anymore, but i do text. turns out there's no reason to talk on the phone except in rare occasions like trying to organise a plan or make an appointment.

i think thrugh phone communications there is an incomplete picture. the things people choose to tell you directly are quite different from those things that you can discern indirectly. you can tell an awful lots about people on there if you pay attention.

even back when i used the phone, i wouldn't talk to someone who i didn't already know stuff about. i'd be asking his friends about him, or watching how he talks to his parents at a social event, or paying attention to his reactions in class or at work, etc. i would never just give out a phone number cold.

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anna-banana
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31 Jul 2011, 11:26 am

hyperlexian wrote:

so you want to kill all the mystery even before the first date? that makes sense if you're looking for a husband asap I guess, but not if you're after anything more casual as such things as humour and politics are not necessarily hindrances. then again I'm very much anti-internet dating so obviously I'll be on the opposite team here.

Quote:

it wouldn't bother me at all if they commented on things they saw on my profile... in fact i've never understood people being bothered by that at all. if i didn't want people to look and comment, i wouldn't post things. to me it would be rather like leaving magazines, a photo album, and some curios on a coffee table and then getting upset that a guest is looking at that stuff and commenting.

I post a lot of work-related links hoping to find out what my workmates think about stuff. I don't mind that much if "regular" people later approach me about those things, but since they're usually quite boring texts concerned with my industry, it does raise my suspicion if someone pays unnecessary attention.

Quote:

plus i communicate better in writing than in person, so for the early stages anything that involves online interactions is a benefit to me. i also feel better knowing someone's full name and some details of their life before i do any further interaction in person one-on-one, for safety reasons.

you know that date rapists or serial killers don't put that information on their facebook profiles though right?

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hyperlexian
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31 Jul 2011, 11:41 am

anna-banana wrote:

it doesn't kill the mystery for me, at all. i find i care about people more, the fuller picture i can obtain. i suppose maybe you prefer to have extremely casual interactions? i do not. i'm not shopping for a husband, but would not be looking for anything extremely casual either.

the bolded part is the basic difference - we would not approach dating in the same way, and we would not be seeking the same partners. i'd want someone who is willing to connect with me online, and you don't want that. there is room for both approaches, and perhaps the answer to the OP's question is so completely subjective that there isn't really a right or wrong way to do it. maybe it just depends on the preferences of both parties, and if they don't have a common ground there, then maybe that is an early sign that the communication styles will not mesh.

anna-banana wrote:

i work for the government and i have to keep my job details hidden, so this is not an issue for me.

anna-banana wrote:

you know that date rapists or serial killers don't put that information on their facebook profiles though right?

it's pretty easy to tell if the basic details are real. and... sometimes they DO post their contact information.

besides, a person cannot rape me online.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2011, 12:00 pm

ooo hyperlexian is the Canadian James Bond, or maybe even the Canadian Mother M?

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