An AS relationship?

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Enigma, I've read in another post your from New York, and are 15, I happen to be 15 living in Oklahoma

That's cool! We have a lot in common

Taineyah,

All I'm trying to say is since we all have the same disorder many of us have had the same experiences and can relate to each other better. I would hate to explain every stupid thing I do to an NT. I want people to instantly get me not try to figure me out and look pass my weirdness just because they're physically attracted to me.
I agree that all AS people don't have the same way of thinking and we all are individuals but I'd rather go with the person who understands what I go through rather than the one who doesn't understand anything.
We are all similar because we have a neurological difference in our brains from NT's but the thing that makes us all individuals are our genetics and possibly the enviroment that influences us.
To some extent all NT minds work the same way and I'm just wired differently. The NT's may have various ways of thinking among each other but they are still alike in the sense that they don't have AS and will possibly never get it.
Do I really have to have the problems that come with AS interfere with a relationship with a NT?
I think that we should all date who ever we want whether it's NT or AS people but to make my life and the NT's life easier, it's best not to burden each other with our differences and not cause problems that aren't needed. If you really love the NT and think the relationship is worth it, I suggest you go ahead and have your relationship.
I still prefer an aspie for a relationship.

Last edited by LadyBug on 26 Jul 2004, 4:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There have been a few times when I spotted a guy who I just somehow knew was "like me". On these occasions I actually approached and spoke to them and my hunch about them was right. This was before I knew about Asperger's. Anyway, I think there might be something like "gaydar" for aspie people, maybe we can just spot each other.

I married one of these guys, and tho he definately wasn't an Aspie, I think he might be somewhere on the continuim because he was very social, and he had language problems, but he was an absolute genius at math and engineering. He could look at a building and I could say, draw a cross section of that building cut at a 30 degree angle and he would draw it FREEHAND and I would measure it and it would be correct. Freaky!

Anyway, if you get the feeling that you spot someone like you, go ahead and approach them because if they are an aspie, they will understand and you can be very matter-of-fact with them; like: "hi, I noticed you and I think we might have some things in common. What's your name?" I've done that to aspies and they respond fine.

Also, wear the Passport so other aspies can spot you. Wear an orange band on your wrist.

The whole idea of me, a male aspie actually being able to start a relationship with an NT female is something I don't think I'll ever be able to do. Every time I've ever had a conversation with someone of the opposite sex, I've never gotten past the point of... "so, what's your phone number?" Most women I've ever run across end up thinking of me as being "weird"

But then again I have a hard time relating to NT's so who the heck knows!

I'd like to find myself a nice decent Aspie man about my age. I'd like to be in a relationship with someone who would understand my quirks.

Smiles

I would think this would be the case for all male aspies, but for some reason that isn't the case. Just like many of those with AS; several here I'm sure do more things in their personal lives than I do.

I think it definitely depends on the two individuals in the relationship. There's a wide variety in the autistic spectrum, so two people with AS could clash even more than one person with AS matched with a very senstive, odd NT (or non NT/non ASD person, such as someone with ADD). A lot of people display autistic characteristics, just not enough to get them labeled as being "on the spectrum." I've made a number of friends with ADD or are just plain odd (possibly just not dx'd AS) and some people with AS just rub me the wrong way. I think it's probably much more likely two people with similar neurologies/interests/personalities would have a successful relationship, but in many cases, that probably would be AS/AS. Again, it would really depend on the individuals and their autistic subtypes as to whether they'd get along well in an intimate relationship. Some NTs (though probably a slim minority) could probably interact well enogh with someone on the spectrum for an intimate relationship to work.

having said what i said...i havent ever met another aspie to my knowledge.

any close encounters have been with NTs. a lot of AS people online rub me up the wrong way (no-one on here) usually because they seem to forget they are human. maybe they'd be different in person.

My first real girlfriend in HS was a fellow aspie. She was kind of nerdy and used to bang her head softly on the basement wall to relieve stress. We lasted 2 years until she got sick of my lack of direction and what she thought was uncaring. I just was not demonstrative and had to work real hard to be friendly and interested in someone else. I felt lost afterwards for a few months but I had learned a lot from her and have had a few successful relationships afterwards. Faint heart never won fair lady. I married a woman I met in professional school and we have been together 18 years now. 2 kids, 2 cars, a house and mortgage really helps me focus on what is important. I can't sit in my room on the X-Box or computer. She is NT but seems to understand and love me despite my peculiarities. My daughter is like me and my son is like her. For what it's worth, Kennori.

Ya know this thing is hereditary, And people on the spectrum are known to have parents who are both on the spectrum. This is not rare within the AS community. but it is probably less than %50. I would rather be with aspie and maybe more than one at the same time. Who said the NT culture gets to set the rules for AS culture. I mean are all square pegs trying to fit in round holes.

Before the modern era marriages was arranged. Perfect for apsies. Hey most apies when they young think friends are people who say hello to them once. Aspies in arranged marriages would probably fair better.
Now marriages happen when u "synch" ie there is a large role played by the "theory of mind"

An AS reelationship can and DOES work.

After years of unsucessful relationshipd, miscommunication, being misunderstood, and rejection by men who were put off my my obsessiveness, and trying (mostly in vain) to understand and be understood, and feeling worthless because I just COULD NOT make it work, whatever the hell I did, I have <b>FINALLY</b> found my soul mate, thank to this forum. He is aspie like me, we are of almost exactly the same mind. It feels like finding a piece of me that was lost at birth and that I had been searching for ever since.

I am so happy!! !! ! We are like two peas in a pod, communication is *effortless* (and that still amazes me). I am realizing now that my long series of failures and rejections were because I was on a different wavelength, just had to find the right person.

I have to say though, that I think there is more to it than our both being aspie. We were meant for each other. And I think this will work.

yay! chamoisee - well done you, and congratulations!

mx

I second that! congratulations chamoisee

dunc

I'm kind of mixed up in the situation. I'd probably date ethier an Aspie or an NT.

I have a profile on myspace.com now, if anyone wants to check it out..heh

Here's the link:

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/18372143

Thanks guys!