Anyone ever wonder why

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Perhaps BillyJoe you had some bad experiences with women. You see this as a male aspie problem but in fact this is a problem for both genders. Other women get annoyed at me for not talking very much!

forgive my ignorance, i should be more specific. i mean that a woman i have not met or talked to before has never once in my life came up to me and started a conversation. this may be due to the fact that Im told i look scary/mean/weird.

and yes i have had bad experiences with women, they seem not to like me! lol.

It's probably the aspie "vibe". Also some people tend to blend into the background for random people. I know this is an aspie problem too. I got accused by a teacher of "being in the wrong classroom" because she never noticed I existed.

I used to think it was purely an aspie thing, but Im noticing the only reason my friends get women is there superior social skills, and they always have to initiate the conversation as well. I have been paying close attention to how they do it, and (at least with the kind of women they go for) for the most part the woman does not need to do much more then answer shallow questions. It just makes me think that its a gender thing that becomes a non issue for nt's but just makes it even more difficult for the aspie male. I'm not trying to say its purely a gender thing, but i wont say its PURELY aspie related at the same time.

From my experience I have met two people who were introverted then they got a girlfriend or started hanging out with different people and became extroverted. It annoys the hell out of me too, because they are now ruined people. They are more disorganized about s**t and say the wrong stuff all the time now because people expected differently out of them. Now they are left fixing the damage put on them by some dumb whore who is going to continue her life how she was. It pisses me off so much because these are good people and now because of are stressed out on what to say next. So f**k everyone who has caused the pain they have to go through to re find themself. I hope to never have to see someone go through that kind of hell.

f**k that is funny, im glad i was not drinking when i read that cus i would have sprayed the walls.

Occasionally women will come into my orbit, what i mean is that they actually follow you around closely even if they are strangers in a store for instance. Its supposed to make it easier for the guy to strike up a conversation, the rare occasions when they do actually initiate conversation they give up after my first response and it ends there. Hey what time is it or do i know you ?, no you don't know me and i don't know you is what my logical brain will say. And then i am staring at their behind while they walk away leaving me to ponder what just happened. There is not much point in getting people to initiate contact with you if you fail to give the proper response that will signal a green light to them.

This. It may not be just the group you hang out with, it could be part of the country you live in. Girls there may be more concerned with being seen as forward. Also, if you're Aspie and she's not, of course you are going to have to make more effort. It's a challenge for you, it's not for her. And some women do expect men to make more of an effort; if the man isn't willing to go out of his way to engage her, some women feel like he isn't that interested.

I call BS on this. If I'm at a table with a fella that I have been at least introduced to, I will initiate conversation. Unless I don't like the guy, in which case I'll GTFO. This image of women being meek creatures afraid of conversing with men is rather insulting. :/

I agree with Erisad. It's probably more the case of them not liking the guy than anything else.

Sounds like you seem to attract quiet ladies.

This is the first time i have ever heard a man say this. Usually i hear men complaining that women talk too much!

considering what you think of these women, i don't see why they'd ever want to talk to you.

in my experience, i initiate conversation the majority of the time. unless i don't like the person i am sitting at the table with.

People tend to gossip me to death, when I try to be more social.

your comments always crack me up

to the point though - I've evolved from a person who used to believe that if a guy was interested, he'd be the one who initiates conversation, to a person who starts conversations with random people about random subjects just for THE f*****g THRILL OF IT! seriously, when you're heavily socially impaired, embracing your inner weirdo can work wonders for your self-esteem. just this morning, I had to spend a whole 15 minutes in one office kitchen with some random guy, while we both waited for the coffee to boil, and I can proudly say that I f*****g ruled in initiating conversation. just a few years ago a situation like this would've been the most awkward 15 minutes of silence, but since I stopped giving a damn it's been a lot easier.

in case you're wondering - I asked him a ton of questions about the types of coffee he likes; then I explained to him (in detail) the difference between various types of coffee machines; I also briefed him on the origins of coffee drinking in Europe and I (hopefully) surprised him with some statistics about coffee consumption in Europe (in case you haven't noticed, coffee is kinda my subject).

bottom line - he might as well go through the rest of his office life telling people "damn, that anna-banana person is a massive weirdo, and she sure likes her coffee!", but - I single-handedly saved us both from 15 minutes of super-awkward silence yay for me!

how does that relate to you? well, if you want to have a conversation with a girl - look out for the nerd (yes, we girl-nerds do exist). a lot of guys here are only after the very narrow margin of trophy girls (i.e. the bimbos) who - let's face it - don't have much to contribute to society outside of the babies they squeeze out anyway. maybe try to broaden your scope to women who do other things than simply "looking good" (although I hope it's not the case with you). I know how hard it is to approach someone of opposite sex who seems just as unapproachable as you - but these are exactly the girls that you should be approaching! then if you don't want to initiate, you just have to be prepared that you'll be put in a position of the listener, and you'd better play it well. then you'll be rewarded

I'm a woman, yet I have to be very careful sometimes not to talk someones head off their shoulders. I used to monolog (sp?) all the time until I realized I was doing it. I still catch myself at times.

Dunno why this has been so for you, I thought the cliche was women clucking like a bunch of hens talking non-stop is usually fairly true. Sorry you have experienced otherwise.

But on what basis do they dislike the guy if they haven't even started talking with him? Is it because of the "vibes" he gives off? If so, can't "vibes" be misleading? Isn't it unfair to judge a person based on "vibes" and not give him chance to show who he really is?