have you ever dated a stranger who used a cold approach?

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She *was* good looking, and smarter than me. She's on tv sometimes now. We had fun and I learned some things. I wasn't looking for more. From where I'm sitting it was a great idea.

For some reason, I always felt that cold approaches only work in movies.

Awwww you stole my thread

But here the thing.

Adult Aspies are more likely to have few to zero friends and more likely to have narrow social circles (not sure about the majority of you tho, yet a lot of you ,based on your own descriptions of your lives, sound to have TOO normal lives to me, but this is another story...) , so they are more likely to be stuck with the same people in their daily life, whether at work, or at some club, or whatever few friends they have. If it happens that they couldn't get a gf/bf out of those limited social circles then the adult aspies have no choice but to go cold approaches, whether on online dating or in real life.

But one should have great social skills to succeed at a such approach, what a dilemma!

Can't say I never would. Fairly unlikely though.

I met my husband at a session of live action roleplaying. He was a friend of a friend and I asked and found out he was single so I went and talked to him. We went on a date the next weekend and were in a full-blown intimate relationship the weekend after that. It's the only time it's ever worked for me. Honestly, dating people I was already friends with always felt extremely uncomfortable for me. However, I now do consider my husband my best friend.

a friend of a friend isn't really the same as a total stranger though. you would have felt a bit safer knowing your mutual friend probably wouldn't associate with someone unpleasant and that the man was probably not a serial killer. and it was an environment where you could have been fairly certain all members were registered. it's different from having a random person approach you when you're alone at the library, for example.

As I wrote just a few seconds ago in another thread, I dont want to be approached for dates. That kind of scares me. I would rather get to know guys in a friendly, casual setting and let thing naturally develop from there. It can be hard to tell if I like someone or if I want to date them, from an approach like that.

i find this all a bit weird. they tell you to shred your post before you put it in the bin, hide your belongings in the car, cover up your pin number at the ATM, check the gasman at your door for ID; but when a complete stranger starts talking to you it's okay to go for a coffee with them and exchange phone numbers. There are some massive inconsistencies going on in society.

Yes, I have been approached and no, it has never lead to anything. why would i start hanging out with someone i don't know from Adam?

It seems to me our eventual partners are at some point always strangers. Every relationship starts out cold, doesn't it?

I have a friend who is French Canadian who met the woman of his dreams at a bar, cold. They've been in a relationship for a few years now and they are so in love. Now he readily admits that this is a fluke, but it speaks to the notion that finding a SO is really a numbers game. I think one has to meet dozens of potential partners before you make a connection.

I was on a flight back from Indianapolis a month ago. A very lovely woman was seated next to me. Of course there was an immediate physical attraction, but I didn't want to be 'that guy' who chats up a woman just because she's beautiful -- and stuck sitting next to me for a 3 hour flight. She probably gets chatted up all the time anyway, and how annoying would I be for that? Yes, I went through this entire analysis in my head while our flight prepared for take off.

However, once in flight we both pull out our books to read. It's Harry Potter. Both of us are reading Harry Potter. Not only is it Harry Potter, we're reading the exact same book 4. She was 20 pages ahead of me. This was too much of coincidence to escape comment. Before long we were talking up a storm, and she didn't seem bothered or distressed at all with the conversation. We had the same Alma Mater, and talked about it. Enough things in common that at the end of the flight I got over my Aspieness enough to ask her for her number.

Is that a cold approach? I just did what came naturally for the most part.


p.s. nothing came of the above incident. Too 'Hollywoodish' to work out really.

^^ Both of you are lucky. I still haven't met anyone sitting next to me happen to read the same scientific paper I am reading.