Observe, think, analyze, act.

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been trying this for years and has not worked. too much thinking done hurts any progress

Oh, sure. Me, too. Even at my advanced age!

I'm sort of wondering if trying to learn every single NT romantic/flirting cue would just lead me AWAY from the kinds of women with whom I'd be happier with... namely, more honest and direct women. If I became as good as a NT at reading those cues... I might just end up horribly misinterpreting an Aspie woman who'd be PERFECT for me.

That being said it's probably good to know the most basic ones, so I can at least take "strong" hints from NT women...

This is BS. I tried all this crap in my teen, and I got me nowhere. I was still treated like s**t by both male and female. It was just a waste of time.


I tried dressing in the latest fashion, listening to the "in" music at that time, (mostly gangster rap) I tried mimicking other cool and popular people's actions and interests so that I could fit in. It never worked, males only hung out with me for the stuff that I had, and females still never gave me the time of day.

Looking back I was miserable, because I wasn't being myself. I was doing things I didn't want to do just impress idiots that still treated me like s**t. That still makes me angry whenever I think about it.

If you were wearing the latest fashion, you were doing wrong. The trick is either to anticipate the next fashion or to just find your own style and wear the hell out of it. If you're doing what the crowd is doing, you're already too late.

Well I didn't have the foresight to do that. I just tried whatever I could do to fit in, if it meant dressing a certain then so be it.

As I got older (into my early 20's) I started thinking what's the use of spending money on thing I don't like and acting a certain way just to impress stupid idiots that's treated you like s**t your entire life.

I started focusing on things that I like; video games and anime.

Right now I might be depressed, miserable, bitter, suicidal, feeling despair and loneliness. I also might be a 25 year old hermit that's never had dates and is friendless, but at least I'm not trying to be someone I don't want to be.

Fashion trends, music interests, etc is the wrong thing to be observing in the first place. You need to be observing generalized social etiquette first and foremost, not people's personal interests. If you followed the schema as I had written it, then your analysis would have led you to deduce that you were focusing on the wrong thing. And note, VERY IMPORTANT, that not once did I ever use the word "copy". Simply copying is a BIG MISTAKE because it easily forgoes the process of both thinking and analyzing. Copying quickly becomes mindless, thus you end up doing things that aren't working but you continue to persist with it rather than changing your approach because you have not stepped back and analyzed the situation properly.

In cutting out the copying of superficial interests behaviour, you have taken the first step as you have stopped to think, observed the situation, analyzed it, and realized that it is not effective as you are not achieving true social integration while also being true to yourself. The next step is to act (as other posters have said, that should be included in the initial topic heading, my apologies) by attempting a different approach, then go through the same process of analysis. Right now you are not acting, thus you will not be making progress.

If I do that then it would make me feel like I am just copying other people, and it would feel pretty fake........so I go with the be myself flaws and all so far its working out pretty good, but that depends on how the current relationship I've gotten myself into goes.

Hello, can you make a shocking story out of my avatar?

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in my wording. I don't mention copying. What I mean by "repeat" is to repeat the process of thinking, observing, and analyzing.

Oh well I do that all the time, I just usually don't try to act in the way I have observed.......I mean being such an outcast as a child gave me lots of time to sit in the background just obeserving, thinking and analizing and wondering what the hell was going on. But yeah I cannot imagine actually trying to act like others in an attempt to find dates because if I interact in a way that feels unatural I am more likely to feel all detatched...I do it all the time around my family and I hate that feeling. But maybe some who observe, analize, think and repeat it actually do feel comfortable acting more like what they saw once they get it....just not me.

The only thing I don't agree with is "analyze".

in a group situation i might agree that this could work but in a one on one dating situation i think maybe this could lead to a future failure of a relationship. Ultimately we all want someone who will acept and love us for who we are so if we are watch and repeating others then are we pretendint to be someone we are not? If so then where does the relationship go once we relax and be ourselves?

I think i would prefer to have multiple first dates while being myself in search of that one that can get who i am than to have many dates with one with me pretending to be something im not, only to develop feeling then have them crush when they realise im not who they thought i was. But hey if it works for other go for it, but i want someone who know all of who i am AS and all and then still loves me for it.

Again, when I said "repeat" I was referring to repeating the process of internal thought and analysis, not blindly copying other people's actions. Sigh. Pretty much everyone has misunderstood my original post. I'll probably need to reword it.

I'd say it would depend on the situation and who it is.