Married with children, wife doesn't understand.

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Well - it certainly helped me. And I think it would help anyone with a partner like the OP.

I think what tends to annoy and upset is that AS tendency to conclude - and also to say where the rest of us (NT or no) can hear it, but to conclude in the first place - "if it doesn't help me or anyone like me, then it's no good to anyone".

Anyone thinking logically - I mean, *really* thinking logically, not just pretending to do so AKA being AS and being pissy - is going to understand that - "if it doesn't help me or anyone like me, then it's no good to anyone" - is not a logical conclusion, no matter what your brain looks or behaves like.

The thing is that AS people are "faking it", "counting to ten" etc. most of the time when they interact with people, that's what makes them exhausted, so they want at least their homes to be places where they can be themselves (i.e. not "faking it") and have some rest.