how much should a guy spend on a woman?

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I've never been on the kind of "date" the OP and others seem to be talking about. The first time I went out with my ex-husband we went to a bar to talk and have a few drinks. We took turns at going to the bar and paying for the drinks. No problem, no dilemma, no "compensation".

I don't wear make-up and I cut my nails myself.

On our third "date" he cooked dinner for me!

Setting specific amounts seems silly, different people have different budgets.

Regardless of what it costs, I look at what your intent is: Are you trying to have a nice time, or are you trying to impress them with your money?

Thoughtful, creative, and romantic trumps simply trying to impress someone with your money every time, it could cost a little, a lot, or nothing and all have the same effect.

I don't see it as necessary to spend money... I think it's perfectly fine to take somebody for a walk in a park or art gallery or to a casual coffee. I appreciate gentlemanly behaviour a lot, but that has more to do with overall good manners and politeness. Nordic way is usually to share the costs.

If a man would ask me out and choose the restaurant (sometimes even the food), I would more or less expect him to pay, but I would prepare to share the bill. I can offer to go Dutch, but if they prefer to pay, I usually leave it to that. If I would ever ask him out, I'd pay for his share as well.

If somebody has bought me a meal or a two, I have offered to pay and it hasn't lead to a relationship by my choice, I don't tolerate somebody sending me a bill afterwards.

He should not have to pay for any. If he does, the woman should reciprocate. Women are allowed to earn money now.



Logical. There are many fun activities that do not require money. Go to the beach or go bowling or something. You can have a very cheap picnic. If you can't think of anything besides dinner and drinks at an expensive restaurant, you lack imagination.



I don't think they should have to be given at all; to me it smacks of buying love.


Oh. And. I have never done my nails for a date, and I don't wear makeup, and I haven't tortured my hair into complicated styles for a date. The most I do is to put on slightly nicer clothes, and I already have good hygiene and grooming.

Whatever you can afford, of course. It all depends on your financial situation.

<-- not paying for a first date

i don't like when people spend too much money on me. i try to pay the bill myself or at least split it, but i won't offer more than three times or so - it's not a reason for argument lol.

expensive presents, well... i don't really wear jewelry except if i am wearing my fanciest clothing. i had a wedding ring when i was married but i didn't wear it, and i refused an engagement ring (i'm going to resist going into my thoughts about those).

some people in my life always wante to buy me costly things for special occasions but it just made me uncomfortable. i prefer the small things - i get more excited about someone picking up my favourite magazine, or buying me miniature or mutant food items at the grocery store, or photographing something special, or finding me pretty sea glass than i do about expensive gifts.

but i understand that this thread is geared towards having a higher likelihood of impressing a larger number of women on average. i think aspie women are outliers in a lot of ways.

EDIT: oh, also about whether a cheap date is cool - yes. BUT i haven't actually been on very many real dates except with someone i was already dating (or married to), so it's different.

A man should pay for every date that he asks for.

It depends on her tastes. If she's okay with frappe and biscotti at More*Bucks, then go for it.

It depends ... how far away is Christmas?

Seems unlikely to be an objective answer for this question. Three things come to mind, however:

1. Your preferences for spending.
2. Your constraint on spending (i.e.) how much income can you spend).
3. Your partner's preferences for receiving spending.

Go dutch until you know where the "relationship" is going. that is my experience that is my advice.

1. how many dates should the man pay for?

None. Women have money on their own. Welcome to the 21th century.

2. is a cheap first date offensive or logical?

Depends on who you are meeting, a 30 minute coffe date can be better than a 3-course dinner date. Everyone is different. I actually LIKE eating out, regardless if i am on a date or not, so when i have gone out, we usually end up at some nice restaurant. If it's not up to her liking, but i want to go there, then and only then i offer to pay for the food.

3. how far into the relationship until expensive gifts should be given?

When you know you're dating eachother exclusively. Do not spend money on someone who is dating 2-3 other guys at the same time, or if she is a waste of time in some other respect.

Also a 3-course dinner for a first date would probably come off as too formal, the only time I'd take someone for a 3 course dinner is if I was going to propose to them or if I was in a well established relationship, other than that, I'd feel slightly uncomfortable and awkward. It's also much better to go on a spontaneous first date to something like mini golf, bowling or darts, that way you're guaranteed to have fun and it will allow you to be playful and build comfort.

I like to treat a girl as I´d treat any close friend so this is going to be answered with how I treat my friends:

1. how many dates should the man pay for?
As much as he is comfortable paying. There have been occasions where my accompany refused to allow me to pay and said we should meet more frequently and I could pay next time(and I make sure I do), there have been times when my accompany doesnt even pretend to want to pay and after a few times I stop meeting them and there are times when we go dutch.
I have no issue with the first and the last option but the middle one makes me feel somewhat used and lose interest on the relationship.


2. is a cheap first date offensive or logical?
In order to find if theres chemistry there should be a pre-date(coffee/ whatever) and if you think things could work out you should try to impress the other person(which doesnt allways mean spending a lot of money but taking them on a restaurant they wouldnt normally go to/a fun activity they wouldnt normally do...something different)


3. how far into the relationship until expensive gifts should be given? This one is the trickiest one and Im still trying to figure it out.

I do like the tone of your jig, apparently some aspie women here like their man showering them with gifts and I'm not allowed to say what I think of women in such relationships. to offensive on a apsie forum would you believe



Actually I believe I out cheapen you so much so you'd probably find me revolting and pathetic take this for an example recently come back form Sydney I had my own private Island with the best views in the city -Cockatoo 3 k from city (nobody would be stupid enough to camp during a Sydney winter) went to Manly and had some $1.99 Aldi dark chocolate best holiday ever.

Where to now for me and my tent I'm thinking some where off the beaten track perhaps (city) Asmara or Astana that's your pet project to find out where these obscure cites are , only check if your intrested in art deco/1950's Italian film sets (Asmara) or frozen Dubai's Astana



j

you have aldi in australia?

Yes but like most things we tend to lag the civilised world only been here for a couple of years, those Germans so thoughtful and efficient (the check out chicks are allowed to sit down other supermarkets here they make them stand up

Also all the foods are marked suitable for veg or vegan (if that's the case) another area supermarkets here are lagging .



Aldi is the ducks nuts.