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Women seem much more interested in changing me than avoiding me.

I haven't been interested in, or attracted to, anybody for about three years, so I'm not really sure how to answer the second question. "No," I guess.

Yes, sometimes past relationships get in the way.

I feel alone sometimes, sure. I actually am alone about 99.9% of the time. I'd like to scale that back to maybe 95%, but that's not an option at the moment.

I don't really feel like an outsider, I guess, because I would have to ask "outside of what?" -- and I have no desire to be "inside" of anything mainstream, so I figure I'm better off. I don't feel ignored, really, because there are a lot of people on line who are constantly bombarding me with e-mail and such.

Voice that wants to be heard? That's why I write books.

@LexF - It seems that to forget about your past relationships, you look to the future and try to forget the past. Is this the case?


Yes, that would just make me Fixations, well done to you.

So when I get shunned by my so-called friends, it's all in my mind?
When I get made fun of for being different, it's all in my mind?
When I get made fun of for my looks and my messed-up speech, it's all in my mind?

And to think I thought the problem lied somewhere else all these years.....

Not to be rude, but coming in here and telling people that their problems are all in the mind when they've experienced and FELT these problems, is kinda short-sighted.

i'm *almost* surprised by how hard everyone is being on the OP. but people are very resistant to change and don't like to have their beliefs challenged. honestly.... there is a solid therapeutic basis for aspects of what the OP is saying, for example with CBT / Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and other types of counselling.

and it seems the OP is perhaps seeing something that i've also noticed... aspies' past problems and relationship issues become like mantras or perseverations. we ruminate on them and hold tightly to them almost like there is more comfort in assuming the worst than working to change one's actual state of affairs.

for example, i am in therapy to work on reducing my anxiety. it occurred to me one day that i define myself by the fact i am anxious and stressed and living in panic mode all of the time. it could almost be said that i am attached to that idea, and i wonder... will i even know myself if i am not the bundle of nerves anymore?

I agree with some of what PastFixations said, but definitely not the "it's all in your mind" thing. I have physical, mental, and emotional scars that prove otherwise.

I apologize if I came off rude, PastFixations., or misunderstood what you were saying.

I think I've reached a point where I understand my past mistakes (and there were many!) -- and I've decided not to make those mistakes again. Or try not to, anyway.

And I don't think I actually try to forget the past as much as I try to minimize its significance. If I forget, I may do the same stupid things over and over, as I have done before. Learning is essential, and acting upon what you've learned is important in a situation where you may need that knowledge to survive the next bizarre and horrible relationship entanglement. Or to avoid that entanglement altogether, which may, in the end, turn out to be a better strategy.

@DialAForAwesome - Since you put it that way it does...
Tell me, in real life. You have a true friend surely? If not then I am surprised on your behalf for not being given the chance.

Edit: Also you didn't deserve what you got by those awful people. I'm truly sorry.