AS girls (good looking to decent looking) automatically get

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swbluto
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11 Nov 2011, 8:23 pm

I thought about this and it seems fairly logical, actually. If there isn't a tendency for "likes to attract likes", and assuming that a female attracts a random male from the population and the rate of autism is 1 out of 100, the likelihood the person she attracts will be NT is 99%.

Surprising conclusion.

If there's any "positive assortative mating" (Likes tending to attract likes), you might expect that to decrease to 98% but it's definitely not automatically tilting in the AS guys' favor.

Conversely, an AS guy has a 99+% chance of attracting someone NT... if he attracts someone to begin with. So, the more relevant question for AS guys is whether a given AS guy can attract someone AT ALL, let alone worrying about attracting an AS female who's a rare bird in the population.



davidalan11235813
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11 Nov 2011, 8:34 pm

Verdandi wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
I completely disagree. Females tend to be socially conditioned to be a lot softer and kinder than males are. As such, it's far more likely for AS girls to be "taken under the wing", so to speak, of NT girls, so they tend to learn social skills much better than males, who are more likely to be socially conditioned to assert their dominance, and ridicule and exclude anyone who doesn't "fit in." And if you don't "fit in" you are immediately marked as "the weird kid" and ostracized from your peers.

Also, since males are socially conditioned to be more aggressive in pursuing a relationship, AS females are more likely to end up in a relationship than females. Consider, NT male is attracted to AS female, and due to his social conditioning, pursues a relationship with her. He may or may not succeed, but on the other hand, NT female is attracted to AS male. Due to social conditioning, she hints with nonverbal signals (which he cannot interpret) that she is attracted to him and expects him to pursue her, which does not happen.


So this is all a matter of theory to you? Your first paragraph is often proposed, but I've found that it didn't play out that way for a lot of autistic girls. Women From Another Planet? is full of writings by autistic women who didn't have the experience of "being taken under someone's wing."

As for whether AS women are more likely to end up in a relationship, I don't know. I found it difficult to maintain any relationships because I didn't know how, and I am so bad at interpreting flirting and other related social signals that I have been on dates without knowing they were dates at the time. Honestly, I can't imagine what it would be like if my most pressing concern was whether I could get into and maintain a relationship. It would be a lot different from my life as it is now.


I have to say before I go any further, I only have my experiences as an AS male, and the experiences I've read about from AS people of both sexes I've read about, and the (very) few other AS people I've met to draw on when coming to my conclusions. I'm in no way proposing them as a concrete matter of fact, just a theory. The few other autistic people I knew growing up were low functioning, and were kept in special needs classes, so I couldn't observe how any other AS individuals dealt with their upbringings. But from what I've experienced, the sort of competitiveness typical of NT males makes it less common for AS males to even be given a chance among their same sex peers.

Also, I'm not addressing whether or not it's easier for males or females to maintain a relationship. In that case, it's more likely than not a wash. I'm simply saying that since males are both more visually stimulated and more aggressive, it's more likely for an attractive AS female to end up in a relationship than a male.



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11 Nov 2011, 8:54 pm

Marcia wrote:
Should this not be moved to Love and Dating where it can join the festering pile of similar threads?
:thumleft:


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11 Nov 2011, 9:04 pm

Marcia wrote:
Should this not be moved to Love and Dating where it can join the festering pile of similar threads?

:lol:

moved from General Autism Discussion to Love & Dating



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11 Nov 2011, 9:14 pm

Image


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11 Nov 2011, 9:21 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
Image


:lol:


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11 Nov 2011, 9:31 pm

Panic wrote:
AS girls (good looking to decent looking) automatically get relationships with NT guys who have money and personality.



BS.


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random_confusion
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11 Nov 2011, 10:10 pm

Quote:

Also, I'm not addressing whether or not it's easier for males or females to maintain a relationship. In that case, it's more likely than not a wash. I'm simply saying that since males are both more visually stimulated and more aggressive, it's more likely for an attractive AS female to end up in a relationship than a male.


That doesn't make any sense. Aren't both NT and AS males more visually stimulated and aggressive than females? (usually)


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11 Nov 2011, 10:12 pm

random_confusion wrote:
Quote:
Also, I'm not addressing whether or not it's easier for males or females to maintain a relationship. In that case, it's more likely than not a wash. I'm simply saying that since males are both more visually stimulated and more aggressive, it's more likely for an attractive AS female to end up in a relationship than a male.


That doesn't make any sense. Aren't both NT and AS males more visually stimulated and aggressive than females? (usually)


Men with Aspergers often do not have the social skills to be aggressive in their pursuit of a woman. Either he never asks due to insecurity, or he asks and gets turned down a lot, and becomes insecure.



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11 Nov 2011, 10:31 pm

Oh... I thought the OP meant more aggressive in general.

Well a lot of men are in that situation. There are plenty of NT men who are insecure or have a rejection complex- some due to situations like you described and some because they ask out everybody in sight (which of course would result in a high percentage of no's.)

Plus, women get rejected too. It happened to me enough that I don't really go out of my way to pursue anybody.


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11 Nov 2011, 10:42 pm

random_confusion wrote:
Well a lot of men are in that situation. There are plenty of NT men who are insecure or have a rejection complex


This is true. I'd be curious to see the percentages.



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11 Nov 2011, 10:53 pm

From my experience, it would be a pretty big percentage. :lol:

I've given up on dating until I can find someone that has self-confidence and doesn't sit there complaining about all the other girls that rejected them, or exaggerating their flaws calling themselves ugly, fat, etc.


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11 Nov 2011, 11:01 pm

Panic wrote:
AS girls (good looking to decent looking) automatically get relationships with NT guys who have money and personality.

AS guys get stuck in a lonely hole.


Hahahahahahahaha! I so wish this were true. I'm 44, I'm still waiting for that. I have f****d up every relationship I've ever had. And we're not talking a ton of relationships.



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11 Nov 2011, 11:05 pm

davidalan11235813 wrote:
hanyo wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
I completely disagree. Females tend to be socially conditioned to be a lot softer and kinder than males are. As such, it's far more likely for AS girls to be "taken under the wing", so to speak, of NT girls, so they tend to learn social skills much better than males, who are more likely to be socially conditioned to assert their dominance, and ridicule and exclude anyone who doesn't "fit in."


Maybe that happens but no one ever took me under their wing. When I was growing up I was ridiculed and excluded by everyone, male and female alike.


It might not always be the case, but I do think that females tend to be more accepting than males. Even as a male, it was always far easier for me to make friends with girls than it was with other boys when I was a child. It's only anecdotal evidence, I know, but take it for what it's worth.


It's worth exactly nothing, to me. I got bullied constantly, up through college and beyond, by women. I don't know what kind of world you live in, I'd like to visit.



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11 Nov 2011, 11:09 pm

no point in this thread, or trying to explain something that is the truth. I'd rather be used than be alone.
women has easier access to sex, and better orgasms. :lol: so unfair.



Last edited by Sextaesada on 12 Nov 2011, 5:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

peaceloveerin
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12 Nov 2011, 12:08 am

This is why I'm never having a relationship with the opposite sex. I'm scared I'll be taken advantage of or be forced into sex. And because most people see me as a pretty girl, this makes me even more afraid!