What is a relationship?

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And if you don't, or can't, feel the waves, what then? I'm happy for you and your girl, really, but it's absolutely not as simple for everyone as that. I've been at it a long time and it doesn't get any more natural or easy or "feeling".

It's not like I have a lot of experience in this area, but as cliché as it sounds, I found someone that I "clicked" with and things just developed naturally - it's not something you have to learn.

The main difference between Aspies and NTs seems to be that we have difficulty being with people to "click" with in the first place, and we "click" with far fewer people when we are.

So the more average/mainstream your are, the easier it is to find someone - and that's not true of many of us.

Yes, I click with almost no one, which is what I mean by a pervasive sense of "other". And I do get out there, more or less. Still trying. That's the goal, right?

I think we do click, but it's a certain rare type of person we click with. If you're having problems mv, i think it's probably just down to that. You think you don't click because you havent met someone like that but that's the problem, not being unable to click with people. If you think i click with people often you're completely mistaken, that was like 12 years ago and its gone and buried and ive been single now for too many years. As i said though, you have to jump in and find out, no amount of sitting at the side watching can prepare you.

trial and error seems to be the best method i've found.
i didn't click straight away though with someone, it took me maybe a year to 'click'.
but i'm definitely very clicked now. i can't love before i can trust, which took a long time.

If you don't feel the waves there aren't any there, move on. If there's something there you'll feel it, just give it a go.

Cmon, it can't be unobvious to you that aspies suffer more from not trying in the first place.

I try plenty. I'm out all the time. I chat people up in the grocery store, post office, gym, wherever. I'm not trying to start an argument here, I'm telling it like it is. I just don't feel anything like "gee, this would be fun to pursue." I have no problem asking someone out if I felt that way, I just don't feel that way. I think it's my age and situation (44 year old single mom unwilling to date men in their 60's), more than anything.

When I did online dating, I had lots and lots and lots of dates. Nothing. How much "moving on" can you experience before you realize that the process wears you out, completely?

I swear I'm not trying to wind anyone up, it's just not as simple as you're making it. It just isn't.

exactly what mv said. i think some of us find it harder to get passed the starting block than others, and simply saying 'just try it' isn't helpful. i think i have more trouble with the 'how' than the 'what'

^ to mv
I do know what your problem is because i dont click with a lot of people. It might be years before i do click with someone again. I still think it's who you're meeting rather than you though.

Not sure what that means.

I don't think the vast majority of us do, and that's why we post here.

The whole concept of them is just mind-boggling to me and many other aspies alike.. how do you start it, when do you do this, that, how should you say this or that, when do you talk about this or that, whats love, when why what it's just horribly confusing.

Oh wait, erm, i think maybe you'll know when you see it. If you're still faffing around it could just be a sign that you don't want it enough and that you've not met the right person yet. I've been told that in rl in the past and i think it might be true, when you want it you'll know it maybe? Is that vague enough advice?

I thought I was in one and that is was going good towards a possibly more intimate one until the other person gave it up to another on the first date and we had been hanging out together for over a year and I had deep feelings and concern for the person that they obviously didn't have for me but since we are both aspies its hard to read another aspie and be read by another aspie-I feel so pathetic and stupid for developing feeling-it wasn't instantaneous they grew slowly and steadily-and I was told I wasn't liked instead of the implied reason of an age difference but it was because of my looks and personality.

oh s**t.

i guess so:(

Sigh, I'd love to sort your problems out for you guys.


Party at my house?

Last edited by somerandom15 on 28 Nov 2011, 12:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think you gain a sense of trust and just know what you can say to someone.