Why I am attracted to "Preppy" girls

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When I went to school, perhaps 90% of the girls in the student body could be described as "preppy." It might have different meanings in different areas, but most girls were preppy in High-School, or they at least tried to dress the part. And i am looking for girls who are genuinely friendly........ not the stereotypical extreme of the "Hannah Montana" type who watches Gossip Girl and drops $1000s on clothes and makeup.

I can spot "Hanna Montanas" and arrogant or pretentious ones from a mile away. I have a learned sense about who and who not to eschew.

For me, "Preppy" is a broader term then I think most people here interpret.

As I've said, I pretty much know for a fact that I have ZERO interest in dating an AS female. Its not personal, but it seems like many people I have met with AS, or who are introverts, have just sort of resigned themselves from the world and have given up. The thing is that I am still very much interested and trying to put effort into self-improvement and advancement........ I don't see it as really "being someone I am not" in trying to get out there and do NT-common things rather then just surrendering to AS-isolation. I posted on this before, but to me it seems with the AS diagnoses, some people think its just acceptable to give up and just surrender in life because they have AS. Sometimes I find this attitude deplorable, but i got this impression from the AS people I met and from their NT relatives. (I know not all people with AS are like this, but this was the sample size I met in real life, anecdotal it may be.)

In any case, AS girls seem to be very uncommon and few in number anyway, so I'm not sure why I should make huge efforts to specifically track them down when they don't really "do anything" for me emotionally or sexually.

If I was with an AS girl, I'm not looking to be a partner who is going to be a babysitter or someone who is even interested in taking on that kind of baggage. I'm sorry if its sounds harsh, but I'm looking for normalcy and to do normal social things, with girls who have mainstream and "fun" interests. My "special interests" are things atypical of AS....... and I'm not interested in any of the usual smorgasbord of AS hobbies....... I'd be bored to death with things like comic-books and Japanese cartoons always around, and someone always lecturing about them. Another AS personality is not something I want to deal with.

Also, sometimes I find hardcore intellectual types to become a bit pompous, pretentious, long-winded, or condescending towards individuals like myself....... so I tend to tiptoe around those with big academic egos.

I definitely want to date an NT girl who has "balance" in her life. I'm definitely NOT looking for the stereotypical exaggeration of "The only Way is Essex" type of girl. I know for a fact though I want someone on the high-end of the social and physical spectrum.

Last edited by Pengu1n on 03 Dec 2011, 4:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Taste is all dependent. Hell, show me a girl with dreads and a hula hoop and I'm done for.

It all depends, the clothes do not "make the man" or in this case, the woman. Me, for example, I wear preppy clothes all the time, I started doing it after high school, just to make my life easier. Frankly, it's the most efficient thing ever to do. Preppy clothes cost like no money at Salvation Army. Currently I'm wearing Levi Jeans I found in the trash that fit me well, and a Polo t-shirt I found for 50c at Salvation Army one day. So my outfit today cost me...50c minus socks and underwear, most expensive clothing item is army surplus desert boots I'm wearing with it, which were $20. Woohoo, cheaper than silly "nerd" shirts with words on them or band tshirts and whatever, and you get treated more respectfully at stores and whatnot.

I know a girl, who I'm somewhat friends with, at my skating rink. I'm thinking she has NVLD like me, a lot of the signs point to it. She also wears preppy clothes, has a somewhat aloof attitude, etc, but then I find out she's actually a huge fan of Japanese music like myself, and of anime and gaming and all that too. But you wouldn't tell it at all from just "looking" at her. You probably wouldn't guess that I'm into those things from just how I look, too, you'd probably think I'm some dreaded "NT."

Then again, there's other preppy girls that are, well, dumb. I've learned it's not good to just write people off based on your first impressions of them, though, people have a tendency to surprise me once I get to know them better. So this works out for better and for worse. One thing, emulating like hell to get preppy girls, is kind of a recipe for disaster. Look at any of the Aspergers Partner support boards and read all the pissed off women's comments about their husbands and stuff. Not cool. But, if you can be yourself, and a preppy girl likes it, then more power to you. However, being yourself doesn't mean being weak, but to me it means liking what you like, but at the same time being "strong" and not letting people walk all over you.

My main point is, I feel like nerds, and/or Aspies have this tendency to make stereotypes too. They do it back to the people they feel stereotype them negatively, and I believe this isn't a good practice to do, it's nothing more than the same thought process as racism, just with different objects involved. Obviously, we all have to use our stereotypes in our thought process, but there's times where we should ignore them.

So I don't think what you're doing is really "bad." However, it can have that potential. But dating only "nerds" can have the same potential too. So, don't write any groups of girls off, but be cautious about them all. That's my advice from someone who's never had a girlfriend ever, take it for what you want.

My other advice, too, I had the same thought process, of wanting a girl with balance to complete me or whatever. I don't know if it's particularly smart. My figuring is, just work on improving myself, and girls will come, I don't think it should be a woman's job to improve my life and make everything great. Then again, I fell for a girl who was really extroverted and all that, so I know where you're coming from exactly.

Also, I was born without any personality........ the real me is just a blank space, with various details that were filled in over the years.

In all seriousness, there is no "real me" at all, but just bits and pieces I've added over time. So really, there is no "inner individual" with AS here that's crying out for an understanding and accepting partner. Such a girl who was looking to take me under her wing or something would also be seriously let-down.

Even my parents and others commented on me in my first 12 years or so, that there was just "nothing there" with me. Even I truly believe that all I am now is just various aspects of different other personalities I liked and cobbled together, but there is nothing original or genuine at my core.

You see, this is one of your biggest mistakes here. Popular NT people do have their baggage. Lots of it. Just like any other group of people. You might think their baggage is completely different than AS baggage, but many of them are very insecure and DO need others like you to constantly "babysit" them by providing them admiration and by validating them. They need fashionable clothes to "hide" behind them, and they need constant socialization to proove themselves they are worth as human beings.

Not all the preppy people are like this, of course. But many are, and I'm not sure if you're able to distinguish who is and who isn't.

You should stop seeing people as members of certain groups and start seeing them as individuals. A popular girl might actually be very insecure and full of baggage that you can't see. She might not be; but I'm not sure you'd be able to tell the difference.

I've dated a popular guy, one of those "alpha males" or whatever you call them, 6'3" tall, handsome, liked by everyone, girls throwing themselves at him, local basketball star, etc. I was attracted to him because he seemed outgoing and confident and because all I wanted at that point in my life is to be normal and do what normal people do.

Once I learned more about him and got to know him better, I realized how insecure he actually was. He was coming from a broken family and there was so much emotional baggage, that he hid under the easygoing facade and around his friends. His friends weren't really there for him, because they all cared was partying and that crap, so I became the person he talked to. Which was fine in a way, but I was unable to help him with his problems, and then he started using me because he knew I'd always be there for him. He made me into his doormat/babysitter and the things got pretty bad.

Sure, this is just one example. But he wasn't the only one. Many of his friends were similar; they were hiding their own insecurities and issues under the "alpha male" facade. There were only two or thee guys in their group of friends who seemed truly stable and mature. Similarly, the girlfriends of these guys were usually the preppy types, and while some of them were nice, many were very insecure and needed constant attention to validate themselves.

What I'm saying is, you need to know what you're getting yourselves into. If you're looking for a drama-free relationship, better seek a mature and stable person, preppy or not.

Your biggest mistake, however (in my opinion) is that you want to present yourself as a perfect NT for these girls.

The type of girls you're interested in are usually able to sense even the small "mistakes" and many will quickly disregard you for that, like you've witnessed yourself in the past. And I'm sorry to tell you, but you will never be able to fake a perfect NT, let alone a highly confident-alpha-whatever that you seem you're trying to be.

And there's nothing wrong about that. You don't have to be.

NT partners are good for many AS people, but these NTs have to be understanding and supportive. You want a NT girl who accepts you who you are, not somebody who wants to date only macho NT guys. Because, frankly, if she's into that, she can find a guy who is more NT macho than you. And you don't need a person like that anyway.

NTs are idiots. You make one mistake and your a gonner, but if your the NT you can make as many mistakes as possible and be perfect. I let many people make mistakes and over looked it, but I made one mistake and I was looked down on. It stupid because the NT in there eyes don't see what they did as a mistake, but you can clearly see it but let it roll off your shoulder.

The NT who already thinks they are better than you will continue to think that when in reality they are not. This has happened to me on many occasions. One guy asked me "would bleach would be bad to drink to clean out your system"?, "other people have done it so it must be good". No sir that is a different kind of bleach. Drinking SODIUM HYPOCHLORITE would not be good for you. SODIUM HYPOCHLORITE, you clean your floors with it, your laundry. You do not drink it. I could only imagine the reaction mechanism in your body from this Proton Accepter and Donor. RANT OVER. F-you, you scum.

Ok, but I don't even have a girl atm who is a "prospect" on the horizon....... when I find one then I will definitely appreciate her as an individual. Atm, I am "playing the field" so just sticking with my generalized tastes. I can see them as individuals when I narrow down my candidates.




Ok, but "NT baggage" is far easier for me to cope with. The fact that a girl might be seeking social validation is far less 'grating" to me, as opposed to an potential AS girl with whom I'd have to deal with things like irrational meltdowns.

I can definitely distinguish who is and isn't "fake."

Then again, I am pretty much "fake" myself, so mabye another fake person will be the best thing for me......... just to be two posers who deserve eachother........ :s

My personality is totally devoid of any "inner beauty" anyway, so perhaps even subliminally I desire someone similar. Its a matter of taste anyway, and just the "preppy" personality type I feel the most raw attraction to.

Its funny though because most NTs will continue and think they are correct. It is not good to be around those type of people, you want people who you can trust, have security and mold your thoughts, feelings into positive ones, not negative ones.

Yes, but stereotyping people into categories makes you oblivious to the more compatible partners. Instead of going after a type, go after an individual. We can't predict who that might be at this moment, but by focusing on members of a group (or what you perceive as a group) might not the be a good way to go.

Or maybe it's because you're only attracted to a specific physical type of a girl, which is a completely different story.



That's the thing; these people can be very drama dependent and full of irrational stuff - exactly the stuff you want to avoid. NT girls have irrational meltdowns all the time, maybe not of the autistic kind, but quite unpleasant. And they may expect you to take care of it or to help them.

Never underestimate NT's irrationality and drama.



Well, if this is your idea of a good relationship, go for it. I would never recommend it, and I don't think it can make you happy, but that's just my opinion.

But there's still the fact a NT girl will sense you're not a perfect NT you're trying to present yourself. Maybe not straight away, but fairly quickly. And if she wasn't open to it right from the start, why do you think she wouldn't turn her back on you?

If your goal is "I want to have sex with one of those preppy girls that used to make fun of me", then fine, but at least be honest with yourself. But if you're looking for something deeper, I don't think you're doing it the right way.



Maybe this is the main problem. You need to love yourself and to see some worth in you before you expect others to do the same.

^ Ok, but I definitely won't know if she will be "the one" until at least after months of dating. As I've said innumerable times, I am open to many different types of women, but I have definite points of reference to make my quest easier.



True, I would only date girls in a healthy weight range. It is true I am only in to "attractive" girls.



Ok, but I will never know who "the one" might be unless I take my chances and go for it with many "candidates" I think may be suitable. The best way i know to proceed with anything is trial-and-error........ so if I go for it with one girl, and that fails, then I will just try again with another....... and then again and again and again...........until I either find success or I drop dead.



I have plenty of self-worth....... I have so much "self-worth" In fact, I know myself well enough to know that true love will never just fall into my lap by "being-myself." I was not blessed with inherent great assets, so I have to work at it. If I was higher-functioning socially, girls would perceive my AS idiosyncrasies as just "cute quirks." I am not like you or other HFAs who can just sit back and wait on it to come, because I know it will never come unless I try. One thing I love about myself is the great amount of effort I can exert into achieving an end.

Then why do you expect your NT partner to do the same for you?

^ Because I don't have meltdowns anymore or expect people to treat me special or differently because I have AS. I expect people to treat me as an NT (since they will assume I am one unless I inform otherwise) and hold me to normal standards.

And you're saying there are no girls with Aspergers that also do the same?

^ I would date a girl with Aspergers if I thought she was suitable, but I don't even know any girls with AS or where I would find one. There don't seem to be many of them, and I don't see why i should make a strenuous effort to go locate one, especially when there are so many more NT girls around I can try my luck with. I'm not attracted to introverts, so I won't be purposefully seeking one out.

To me, NT girls are more predictable anyway in their responses. I can deal with this better. I would definitely date a girl with AS if I met one and we "clicked," but I won't intentionally seek one out.

Even if an NT is a personality type to where they are a 'walking time bomb," they are far easier to analyze and predict when they might act irrationally..... so it is easier for me with AS to get on with them.

how do you supposedly know all this about AS women if you've never met one? you're making a whole lot of assumptions about us without even being acquainted.

i don't care if you never ever date a girl with AS, but i think you're being quite unfair to decide what they are like without meeting one.