Beauty without sex appeal

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Actually, what you are suggesting make a lot of sense: my body language is very lacking. My movements are somewhat stiff and I always look uncomfortable. Not to mention my tendency to space out. But I have no idea of how I could change it. Knowing what is wrong is not enough to change it, for some reason.



I agree with you, but I have not been complimented by women even in places like nightclubs and concerts, where, suppoedly, people are much more flirty. Granted, in places like those, where everyone is dancing, drinking or both, I probably fit even less than usual, since I do not drink and I am terrible at dancing (I would move my arms randomly, trying to mimic my friend: they sometimes had to remind me not to stop).
There have been some occasions when I thought women were giving those subtle signs of interest every body language book tells us about, but I am not bold enough to trust my ability to read those signals. It is much more plausible to think I misinterpreted those signs.



Do not get me wrong, but I saw a photo of you somewhere on this forum before and it made me feel even worse. You are better looking and much more physically fit than I am, not to mention your (at least judging from your posts on this community) better social skills, but you seem to have as much difficult with dating as I have. If your chances of success are low, mine may be nonexistent.



You really think I look boyish? I think I look my age: if I let my beard grow for about 2 days, most people believe I am 25 years old. Recently, some coworkers told me look younger, but they did not say how much younger. My mother says I look like I am 18. To this day, I only remember one very young girl complimenting me on my looks, and that was a few years ago (I was 17, she looked about 12). Of course, I do not pay attention to young girls, so I would not know if what you say is true. But now I will try to pay attention: if there is any evidence I look boyish, I will have to permanently stop shaving my beard.

[quote='mv']It sucks, to be sure, but it doesn't mean you're sexually unattractive. And Magnus_Rex, I don't know where you got the idea that older/married women won't find you sexually attractive just because you're younger. Just 'cause they're older/married doesn't mean they don't still look. In fact, you may represent an unattainable nostalgic ideal to them, albeit not in a way they would ever act upon. Does that make sense?

Also, another poster said it: usually people safe/off the market are the most comfortable in making complimentary comments on others' situations. Then it's "helpful" and not "predatory" or "awkward".[/quote]

Yeah, it makes sense. But, as MXH said, the outcome is the same: we are not getting the attention of any women. At least, not the kind of attention we want.



Distant. That is how I look in real life.



Actually... No, I have never approached a girl in person. I have only sent very few (about 7-8 in a span of six months) messages on dating websites. It did not work, obviously.

My problem, as my own father said once, is that the only way I could be in a relationship is if the woman approached me. Since the chances of it happening are very small, I have been trying to stop care about it. But I would not start topics like this if I did not care, right?

hum. i had someone say that to me before- that i was 'pretty but not sexy'.
maybe sexiness is the key to success

yes theres more to sexiness than just looks. but those kinds of things can be easily overlooked on a picture.

magnus_rex. thanks, but i dont think you have anything to feel underneath me. Though personally what makes me feel bad is not when ones above me get people, as that is expected, but when ones really far down low from myself get plenty of women. That one completely destroys me on what do they have that i dont and whatnot. Cheer up though, ill let you keep fernanda c.

If you look distant and not approaching the girls, well, here's your obvious answer for the lack of luck with the ladies.

You're a handsome lad, so it's not about your physical appearance.

A girl doesn't magically appear in your arms... You need to approach girls in order to make one your girlfriend, and/or you need to make yourself approachable. It's true many girls don't want to approach guys, but if you look distant noone will approach you.

who is to say i dont try to approach girls? ive yet to find one that stays put long enough to hear my name.

I was talking to Magnus Rex. I guess you posted your message while I was replying.

To be honest, I don't have much explanation for your situation, really. It depends on your body language, voice, posture, etc., I guess. I mean, I don't want to repeat myself with the whole "you're hawt" thing, but I guarantee it's not about your looks. It has to be another thing. Maybe you don't smile enough. Maybe you don't maintain eye contact. Maybe you do TOO MUCH eye contact or it's too intense (it can seem creepy). Something like that.

I am not sure why you would be surprised that you are having trouble getting into a relationship if you have AS.It goes with the territory. You have to find your own way of reaching your goal and accept you may never have the social confidence to go about this the way an NT man would.Be honest about your unique characteristics and strengths .For someone to advise you to ''just go out and socialize'' is not likely going to help you any.For example going to a crowded bar would probably be ineffective because many people with AS find it hard to relax and socialize in those kinds of settings.

I wonder if they sell it on drugstores.



Thanks! As The_Face_of_Boo said, she has some nice curves!



Maybe I am giving the impression of being too lazy to look for girls. Sorry.

Actually, I lack the self-esteem for it. I have a very strong fear of rejection, regarding any kind of social interaction (despite never having been rejected before; I was ostracized back in high school, but I did not care at the time). For some reason, I assume I will automatically be rejected by whoever I try to interact with. I have been losing this fear since a few years ago, but I still have not gotten over it. Dating, in particular, is the one area where I have not improved at all ever since I started thinking about it (when I was 16; yeah, I know it is later than usual).

On the other hand, I am very confident when it comes to life in general. It is only the social aspect of it that worries me. It should not be obvious enough for women to avoid me. I think it has somethingto do with how often I space out, but what am I supposed to look at when there is nothing to look at? Is it so wrong to stare at some distant object for a few minutes? Staring at random people would surely be a lot worse. Besides, body language should not be that important on photos, and I seem to have as much success with pics as I have in person.



I think you were talking to MXH this time, but it applies to me as well. Smiling. Eye contact. Basic social skills I always forget about. To be honest, I do not like smiling without reason: it is like I am not being myself. But I can surely improve on eye contact.



Yeah, crowded bars definitely did not work for me. But it takes time for people to like my unique characteristics and strengths; they are not really useful in a dating context. I am capable of interesting conversations, but they are more "logical" than what would be expected in such situation (for example, I could talk about finances, biology, music, films, but even though my colleagues like to hear what I have to say, my conversations are always... Aspergian in nature (lots of random facts).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... f1OxkFOK18

I understand what you are saying but maybe you are thinking more along the line of cold approaches. [randomly approaching a woman you have never spoken to before] .Are there any girls whom you already know through work who you could focus on?

What makes you feel that they are low down? What defines them that makes them worse? Looks and money certainly aren't an indicator of character and don't necessarily define as a person, having better features or a better body doesn't make anyone a better or worse person. Perhaps they are better in terms of being able to reciprocate to women or create an emotional response? Perhaps they are better at selling themselves or have more appealing characteristics? Maybe they are just fun guys that make girls laugh or feel a sense of security, maybe they don't act as if their looks give them a sense of entitlement. There are many determining factors in what makes someone appear attractive to another person and to rely on looks alone won't get you very far, if anywhere at all.

No. The few girls I know are already taken. There are many coworkers and classmates I do not know, but that would require a cold approach, anyway.

you look sexy in your picture.
I don't know maybe its a problem with your personality?
I can't find someone attractive If i don't like them
maybe you come on to strong?
or insult people without meaning too?
maybe you smell?
maybe you act creepy haha
I don't know I don't know you maybe you just haven't been in the right place at the right time.
and if a girl hears you haven't been with anyone before then maybe she will think there must be something wrong with you and you are not boyfriend material

Maybe we should do a "am I attractive" picture thread or something. Perhaps in the Haven to build self esteem in some folks.

As for me, I'm married, and the picture of me I posted has a cute kitten as a buffer. Do your worst, ladies.

Maybe, but it would/should not show on pictures. And thanks for the compliment.



I cannot deny that I accidentally offend people, but that only happens after they talk to me.



Fortunately, no. I am obsessed about personal hygiene.



Again, I would have to approach them to see if that is true. My problem is something that makes me unapproachable.



Thanks for the suggestion, but I am only trying to discern what is it about me that seems to scare women away. Whatever it is, it is bad enough to show on pictures.

I think the only solution for me would be finding a weird, non-NT girl. Someone like me. Unfortunately, despite living in one of the largest cities in the world, I have not found anyone like me. Whatever, loneliness does not kill. I can always find something to occupy my time.